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Original poster

The loneliness is becoming less and less bearable

85 replies

Maria53 · 30/04/2020 21:41

I live alone and I'm 28 and single. I work from home 9-5 although it's often later these days.

I've binged shows, read books (tho I cant concentrate on them anymore), I'm trying to lose weight and succeeding at least. My cousin had the virus, my friend had it. My gran is in the last stage of dementia and I worry I will never see her again.

I was supposed to go on a date just before lockdown & have been talking to the guy every couple of days since lockdown started. But then I started taking longer to reply and now he hasnt been in touch for 5 days...and I really feel like there's not much to say anymore. I get it but I miss talking to him. But then what's the point when we cant date? I get it if he's fading out.

I just cant bear not seeing my parents. I miss my best friend. This is no quality of life. I'm working just as hard, if not harder, and have a nightmare client who is quite nasty.

I just keep thinking when will I see one single person that I love again? I am really struggling to live like this. I know it's hard for all of us.

OP posts:
bingowingsmcgee · 30/04/2020 23:29

I'm rooting for you OP. Hang in there. Sending you love and strength.

Lovely1a2b3c · 30/04/2020 23:30

Honestly in your situation I would move back home and self-isolate in my room for a week/fortnight. Is that an option?

Original poster
Maria53 · 30/04/2020 23:50

I'm wondering how many days I could feasibly take off before eyebrows are raised because this is seen as the time to knuckle down. A couple maybe?

Tbh I dont want to move back in with my parents. I has to do it when I first came back from living abroad and they always resort to old dynamics because I'm their child. I think I'd be driven more mad.

Will maybe talk to them about taking the cat some of the time

OP posts:
RosesandIris · 01/05/2020 05:58

It’s your cat!!
Understand what you’re saying about family dynamics.
I would talk to work and tell them you need time off to deal with personal stuff . How much holiday are you due? Can you call in sick for a few days?

Cary2012 · 01/05/2020 06:16

Get your kitty OP. My dear old girl hasn't got long left, and her cuddles are getting me through this. Don't put it off, get kitty home, spoil her. Don't overthink it, just do it. Be lovely for both of you.

IcyApril · 01/05/2020 06:21

I can’t relate to your circumstances exactly but I am also struggling.

I have two small children, I’m heavily pregnant, my husband is still working, I haven’t seen my family since late Feb when they became concerned about the virus. I barely went anywhere else between then and lockdown beginning. I’m grumpy with my husband children. I don’t know how much longer I can bear this. I’ve been awake since 2.30am and spent most of that time crying. I just can’t shake the low. My children will be up for the day soon. They will spend another day at home, in front of the TV while my eldest asks me to play and I feel too tired to move. I dread to think how I’ll cope with a newborn.

ByeByeMissAmericanPie · 01/05/2020 06:24

I’m definitely coping better by getting outside every day.

Could you not carve out some time to go outside? It might well help you sleep too.

But I echo the others in seeing if you can get your cat back.

Aramox · 01/05/2020 06:29

I would drive and wave to a friend or do a walk near them and a socially distanced quick chat. I haven’t heard of police stopping anyone and people living on their own need ways to survive. It’s really hard.

Kingjarvis · 01/05/2020 06:44

Goverment says, outside, no more than 2 people gathering so why can’t people meet up with their partners or a parent?

newbiee · 01/05/2020 19:04

I think it would be absolutely fine to take some time off work at the moment - our employers are actually encouraging it as they don't want everyone taking holiday at the same time once we're all allowed back out. I'm thinking of taking a week off in May - it seems like a waste but I feel more worn out and overwhelmed with work than I have in years so I definitely think it will be worth it. Make sure you keep reaching out, this is a great place to have a moan, no-one will mind.

tootyfruitypickle · 01/05/2020 20:05

I’ve driven 40 mins up a fast a road a couple of times taking food to my parents and it was lovely ! Just take some food (essentials) if you’re worried, but you won’t be stopped. Police in the main I guess are focusing on groups in parks etc, they know who the idiots are. This is a long haul you need to make some adjustments, even if it’s just getting your cat for now.

Binterested · 01/05/2020 20:18

I know what you mean about not wanting to chat after a day of zoom calls for work. It’s exhausting. However we do need social contact. Could you do a virtual dinner party with some friends? Did this a few weeks ago - we all cooked the same meal and ate it together with some wine and chat over zoom. Felt more communal than a normal phone call.

Oggden1 · 01/05/2020 20:24

Hun that sounds really hard.
Could you do some regular contact chats with friends on zoom? We have a quiz and we also played a board game over zoom. Sadly!
I think turning off. Social media a bit helped as it's scary and a bit depressing.
I hope your okay.. Please rmemebe its only temporary!

TheBlueBottles · 01/05/2020 20:36

I hear you op, wfh, single. I realised how much I love hobbies outside.

I went to the doctor for anxiety (specific work situation) and they suggested sleeping tablets as my sleep was affected.

I didn't want to get addicted so they gave me promethazine which is an anti-histamine (same as nytol, not the herbal one). Oh my god they helped! I got 9 hours sleep for the first time in ages and didn't wake in the night.

Flowers
The80sweregreat · 01/05/2020 20:51

Keep writing on here.
I'm sorry as it must be so tough. This virus is causing complete havoc.
Take care

TotorosFurryBehind · 01/05/2020 21:01

Visit your mum. You've been isolated 5 weeks what are realisticly the chances you are infected. Your mental health matters, don't let yourself become severely depressed.

Original poster
Maria53 · 01/05/2020 21:42

I spoke to my mum today about the cat and she said we could work something out.

Also talked to my dad and he suggested a social distancing walk. I think it would be a good idea.

I'm in zoom calls with colleagues talking about their 'at home parties' with family or friends on weekends & it makes me feel miserable. We have to do a video call every single morning and this morning I could feel how puffy my face still was from crying last night.

I will consider temporary sleeping tablets if this doesnt resolve in the next week or 2.

Flowers
OP posts:
Original poster
Maria53 · 01/05/2020 21:43

I think I may need to take from social media ans seeing the news for a while too

OP posts:
Charley50 · 01/05/2020 23:16

Can you meet your dad or mum tomorrow then? It's nice to have a plan for the weekend.
And could you arrange to meet your friend for a video call? I find social zoom quite difficult (unless I'm drunk) but it's nice just for a quick catch up. Or both cook dinner and eat at the same time on Zoom (maybe lots of eating noises though).

Yes stop watching the news. I was watching to it too much, it's depressing and sucks time and energy.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 01/05/2020 23:59

She is about 25 mins away in a car...I'd be stopped by police anyway probably.

93% of MNers say they haven't been stopped by police at all, so you're probably safe. If you're particularly worried, put a bag of groceries on the front seat and say you're taking them to your vulnerable mother... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3893515-To-ask-if-youve-been-stopped-by-police-and-asked-why-youre-out

I've become thoroughly disenchanted by lockdown, in great part because I've been financially screwed then abandoned (newly self employed - not eligible for a penny from the government). It's just me and a lodger who I might strangle before lockdown is over so it's not like there's a DP and DC on the scene. I've started meeting up with one friend (a social bubble of two, if you like) because I can't see any end in sight and I'm pretty much starting to think "fuck it". I'm not going to see any older / vulnerable family members, and I'm staying 2m from people in public, but beyond that I'm starting to lose the will to comply.

RosesandIris · 02/05/2020 05:25

People from different households are not supposed to mix so only groups of two from the same household.
However I agree with avocados. I am losing the will now. I think mental health is more important personally.

ImDillDandin · 02/05/2020 16:19

People from different households are not supposed to mix so only groups of two from the same household. wrong! Are you honestly saying a family of 5 say, have to split into 3 groups? That's as daft as the poster on another thread who complained a child was hugging it's mother when it should have maintained a 2 metre distance.

angorarabbit · 02/05/2020 17:28

I do feel for you. I live alone, and I thought that it would I'd be fine in the short term given the reasons for lockdown. But as time has gone on I'm finding it so difficult with no meaningful human contact beyond video calls. I do get out for a walk every day, but a solo walk is increasingly accentuating the loneliness.

RosesandIris · 02/05/2020 17:44

@ImDillDandin

It’s not wrong. If families are in several different households, they aren’t supposed to mix. Only those living in the same household. It’s very clear. However, in the OP’s position I would just do it.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/05/2020 17:47

It is really tough OP. Hopefully it won't be to long now.
Definitely go get your cat, it is an essential journey for your MH.

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