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Original poster

The loneliness is becoming less and less bearable

85 replies

Maria53 · 30/04/2020 21:41

I live alone and I'm 28 and single. I work from home 9-5 although it's often later these days.

I've binged shows, read books (tho I cant concentrate on them anymore), I'm trying to lose weight and succeeding at least. My cousin had the virus, my friend had it. My gran is in the last stage of dementia and I worry I will never see her again.

I was supposed to go on a date just before lockdown & have been talking to the guy every couple of days since lockdown started. But then I started taking longer to reply and now he hasnt been in touch for 5 days...and I really feel like there's not much to say anymore. I get it but I miss talking to him. But then what's the point when we cant date? I get it if he's fading out.

I just cant bear not seeing my parents. I miss my best friend. This is no quality of life. I'm working just as hard, if not harder, and have a nightmare client who is quite nasty.

I just keep thinking when will I see one single person that I love again? I am really struggling to live like this. I know it's hard for all of us.

OP posts:
Nighttimefreedom · 30/04/2020 22:10

I think we are making tentative steps towards a lift in lockdown. I work in the NHS and today got the letter about re opening other services, some elective surgery etc.
Admission and death rates are falling.
Yes there may be another lockdown again, but hopefully with a reprieve of some weeks?
I know what you mean about sleep. I have trouble on the days I'm here by myself (kids 50:50 with me and their dad), it gets to you being on your own. I don't bother going to bed, it's like what's the point? Tomorrow's just going to be a shit pointless day. I need to pull myself out of that and this week made myself go to bed, even if to read with a cup of tea.
Sorry I'm rambling, but I understand.

psychomath · 30/04/2020 22:11

This reply has been deleted

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Mascotte · 30/04/2020 22:12

@rossKemp doom! Doom! Death! Pestilence.. how dare anyone be unhappy?'

Backtolifebacktoreality99 · 30/04/2020 22:15

I think you should move in with your mum if she has room for you. It’s terrible to be in solitary confinement and it seems likely the lockdown will be another month.

campion · 30/04/2020 22:16

I get where you're coming from,OP.
I've just spent the best part of an hour talking to my similar age son experiencing similar problems. Unfortunately he's nearly 100 miles away so we can't pop round and chat near his door.
He's currently experiencing anxiety related breathing problems (not covid, definitely anxiety). His job is high pressure and coupled with not seeing anyone,apart from remotely,this is taking its toll now.
He hardly goes out- near city centre and not many attractive local walks-which isn't helping.
I think there's going to be a massive demand on the already under resourced mental.health services soon. I hope Mr Sunak has got some spare cash.

Can you get your cat back or is that not doable?

Nighttimefreedom · 30/04/2020 22:16

I think you should move in with your mum if she has room for you.

Is that a possibility OP?

overwork · 30/04/2020 22:17

Ah I'm sorry to hear you are on your own on your own. I think it's so much worse for you. I have 2 friends in the same situation. One is close enough for us to stop by each other's houses during our walks and have a chat through the windows. The other lives too far away for that and I worry about them both. A couple of ideas, I'm a member of an online gym group and they are doing zoom classes so that people can interact with each other. Can you get to know others in your street? My flat block started baking cakes for each other and book swapping, and have progressed to chatting across the corridors (didn't know a soul this time last year). Finally, could you join an online weight loss group? Again a bit of interaction with different people.

Original poster
Maria53 · 30/04/2020 22:17

I left her there when I took a job abroad a few years and my mum loves her and is very attached to her now. She has said she would struggle without the cat now but she's had her all of lockdown so far.

RossKemp - I well aware of the situation, as I said my cousin and friend both recovering. I know I am lucky to be healthy. But I struggle with mental health and have done for a few years

Nighttiefreedom- that's hopeful to hear

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/04/2020 22:17

Could you decamp to your parents and work from there ?

DamnYankee · 30/04/2020 22:17

Drive to see your mom, chat from a distance, and take your cat home. If you do get stopped (which sounds unlikely), just say you need to pick up your cat because your mother is wrapped up in taking care of an elderly family member and can't do it anymore.

We're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel where I live. I know your country will start seeing it soon, too.Flowers

Unworthie · 30/04/2020 22:24

Could you get your cat from your mum's? I know you said about the drive but would it be worth the try?
I'm not surprised that you feel that way especially if the majority of your interactions are work based, and some negative. Anyone would feel that.
I think you've had some good suggestions here, and don't let others make you think you're not allowed to feel like this - no one has that right.

Original poster
Maria53 · 30/04/2020 22:24

Where do you live DamnYankee?

It doesnt suit for me to decamp with them. There was a room available that I could've worked in but it got wrecked by a flood about a month before the pandemic. Cant work from a bed. At least I am set up here I suppose...

Thanks everyone for listening. I have really got into a funk these last few days and dont feel comfortable telling people I am struggling. Especially those are living with others and occupied with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maria53 · 30/04/2020 22:28

We have to keep our jobs afloat but I have even more work tasks and pressure than before

I am thinking about taking a few days off as I am burning out. But then am I better saving those days up for when I can see family?

OP posts:
ImDillDandin · 30/04/2020 22:28

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I have a nephew in a similar position and I'm so worried about him. You won't get stopped if you drive to see your mum - the roads are pretty busy now. And even if you were just say you are going to get essentials for a vulnerable relative. Could you meet for a walk somewhere and maintain social distance?

ravensoaponarope · 30/04/2020 22:30

I think you should go get your cat.

MintyMabel · 30/04/2020 22:33

I’ve said many times, the people I think the lockdown is hardest for are those living alone, especially those who had a very social life before. My MIL is struggling with it.

I’d guess the trick is to keep busy but that probably isn’t easy.

perspective is important in a crisis

Not really. It doesn’t help beyond a fleeting thought.

It’s as useless was being told people are starving, be grateful for the shit food in front of you. It doesn’t make it taste any better or any easier to eat.

MintyMabel · 30/04/2020 22:35

I’d recommend taking a couple of days away from the work. I’ve done it a couple of times and it did help me de-stress.

RosesandIris · 30/04/2020 22:44

Could your mum bring the cat to you and stay a couple of nights? I am so sorry you are struggling like this. Those living alone are finding this very hard. Just go and see your mum or get her to come to you. You won’t be stopped, tell them your mum needs supplies .

Nighttimefreedom · 30/04/2020 22:50

am thinking about taking a few days off as I am burning out. But then am I better saving those days up for when I can see family?

I think this could be a good idea. Take some leave.

LordOftheRingz · 30/04/2020 22:54

I think that you should own your feelings, you should not feel guilt. The death of others is out of your control, and you are doing what has been asked of you. There is no need to feel guilt for being alive. As people have said its a good time to take a day off, and try to find some refreshment of spirit.

Biscuitburglar · 30/04/2020 23:07

I really feel for you and I know of several single friends that are really struggling now in the same way as you. This last week seems to have been particularly hard. Getting out every day without fail for an hour’s walk (come rain or shine) really helps to feel connected to the world so I’d urge you to start doing that from tomorrow to see if it helps a bit.

FlamingIris · 30/04/2020 23:13

It will be ok, you’ve done so well so far. Be kind to yourself Flowers

NeedToKnow101 · 30/04/2020 23:13

Is there a project you could do at home to keep you busy when you're not working? Something creative. Could your mum and friends get involved so your chats become more fun and productive?

Also I second going for a walk every day. It cheers me up.

NeedToKnow101 · 30/04/2020 23:17

If you took off Monday, it's bank holiday next Friday so only a 3 day week.
I think you should drive and visit your mum in her front garden one sunny day. Your MH and well-being is important.

madcatladyforever · 30/04/2020 23:23

We know it's just temporary and it's better than being dead. Everything will be back on track soon.
When I'm fighting through traffic I'll miss this.

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