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My dad is dying. What should I do?

340 replies

squeaver · 08/04/2020 19:08

My dad has Covid 19, plus a chest infection, plus a weak heart. He is at home with my mum who has no symptoms so far. He is getting hospital-at-home - nurses/doctor 2 or 3 times a day.

The doctor told my mum today that nothing is helping and to prepare for the worst. That could be hours or days.

He is 400 miles away from me.

My sister, who lives closer, has 'visited', to stand in the garden and see him through the window.

I know the answer to this question, but do I have any options here?

Get on a train for 6 hours, stand in their garden for an hour, get another train home for 6 hours?

Drive for 7/8 hours, stand in the garden for an hour, drive home again for 7/8 hours? Or stay somewhere? Not in their house, of course. Sleep in the car?

And if I did do either of the above, what would I do when I get home? Self-isolate away from my dh and dd? All of us self-isolate?

I know what the answer is going to be. I should stay at home.

What then would happen about the funeral? Would the above options still apply?

Sorry, rambling here. Just trying to see if anyone has any thoughts or advice or a different perspective.

OP posts:
Axlcat · 13/04/2020 21:14

So sorry for your loss. I think you did the right thing and I hope that seeing him brings you some comfort during this incredibly difficult time.

Helmetbymidnight · 13/04/2020 21:16

so sorry op Flowers

Isolatedbunny · 13/04/2020 21:19

If it were my father, I would go in and hold his hand. I am low risk though, so am not as worried if I did get it ( which most of us will get or already have).
This isn't really a question anyone can help you with. You have to do what you feel is right in your heart. A lot of people saying stay home might do the opposite if they knew it would be the last time they were to see their loved one.

Isolatedbunny · 13/04/2020 21:20

Sorry OP just saw your update. I'm glad you got to see him. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Janus · 13/04/2020 22:52

squeaver I’m so truly sorry for your awful loss. Please look after yourself and your mum and family. I’m just so sorry you are going through this.

Raver84 · 13/04/2020 22:56

Heartbreaking. You did the right thing for your dad, mum and you. I'm sorry this awful illness took your dad. I read your post last week and my heart went out to you.

Lausch95 · 13/04/2020 23:41

Sorry for your sad loss OP. You did the right thing. ♥

Paddlinglikehell · 13/04/2020 23:58

So sorry, no one should have to make such hard decisions, it’s a cruel virus.

It sounds like it was a good compromise and your family at home, your dd especially has you safe back with them. Your poor Mum, that’s so hard, but your sister is there and you can be there on the phone for her.

Take care x

lotusbell · 14/04/2020 10:58

So sorry to read this news, you absolutely did the right thing. Please take care of yourself and your family, the next few weeks will be tough, especially being apart from your mum. Thinking if you

Jellybean27 · 14/04/2020 11:03

Sorry to hear your sad news @squeaver

Take care 🤍

dollface19 · 14/04/2020 11:39

I'm very sorry op for your loss xx

Heygirlheyboy · 14/04/2020 20:28

Oh I'm so sorry to see this news. I'm sure you're glad you went and you saw he was safe and comfortable with your Mum by his side. It is heartbreaking. Thinking of you.

ItchyScratch · 14/04/2020 20:40

What a horrible sad situation and I am so sorry for you that you have lost you dad without being able to be there In the ‘normal’ way.
I hope you manage to find peace with what’s happened.
Love to you and your family

Andi2020 · 15/04/2020 18:34
Flowers
Bellagio40 · 20/04/2020 04:31

I’m so sorry to read your update. Thinking of you and your poor mum. Take care x

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