Cats , Flaps and The Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

The other thread is filling up fast so setting up the foundation for our new evil lair. One where we follow real guidelines, not made up ones, make sock cocks ,ruin hair and bemoan the shortage of Spanish soldiers.

This is where we'll keep each other sane or descend into madness together... depends on the day.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock You mean the drain....it wasn't a gutter.

I'm not going anywhere near your drains thank you. Save it for the calvin klein model.

If this fills up, the bext thread will deffo have drains in the title 😂😂

@Smilethoyourheartisbreaking it just reached new levels of batshittery "set a good example for your unborn child". So not only are we singlehandedly killing the nation, destroying the NHS and spreading the virus by breathing all over the place, we're totally failing our kids too, much even the unborn ones.

My eyes rolled so hard I could count my arse hair.

Just had a laugh at the ‘Easter eggs delivery cried for two days’ thread, though not entirely sure it’s for real. My sins today include getting our neighbour to drop his undisinfected Sat newspaper round as we couldn’t get one, borrowing some undisinfected sand from another neighbour so that I can ‘cold stratify’ some larkspur seeds ( had no idea what that was until 2 hours ago) and sitting on the deserted river bank with DH during our daily walk and eating half a flapjack each. I will burn in hell.

I was writing a post on that bullshit egg thread and i couldnt post as it was deleted grrrrr. I miss all the fun. Bit of. Psycho that one!
Do women have a sunroof in thier belly now so that the unborn child can see what they are doing? Wtf?

cold stratify’ some larkspur seeds
Uhh I want to say something just as highbrow but I cant think of anything.
Been across the road to talk at our across the road neighbours. From suitable distance of course (about 3 feet into the road in fact)
We've eaten one of the cakes. Must rethink this cake business, will get fatter.
Dogs been having a lark about in the paddling pool. Everywhere now wet, cant help but laugh at them.

Oooh Bananas thats a lot of wet!!😄😄😄

My fantastically expensive, yet half price furry Laura Ashley throw arrived today! But, following guidelines, I'm letting the parcel sit in the hallway for an appropriate amount of time...am also enjoying drinking my lovely, delivered wine whilst watching The OC ( brilliant escapism TV BTW, lots of rich, pretty Californians in massive houses and complicated love affairs! )

Frivolous,pretty waste. Well, not really a waste since we'll eat them tomorrow for breakfast.

I’m going to put on do much weight if DH doesn’t stop baking. Every day it’s a new masterpiece. Meanwhile, I find creative ways to feed three adults with half a cauliflower and two chicken breasts. Sadly not MN chickens. (We are not short of food, we are just short on forward planning re defrosting)

I’ve sat outside all day, I’m a bit pink. Oops. I have also eaten lunch and various snacks out there, while listening fondly to neighbours kids doing happy kid-like things.

Dunno about the cauliflower ,but you could cut the chicken into strips and make chicken schnitzels? To shake it up try putting in flour first and then in egg.. it's yummier

Evening All. The shed building is slow - I am swinging between loving dh more as he was being all manly with a drill and wanting to bury him under the shed.

I gave myself a headache - so took some paracetamol, I am sure my stock of them has caused untold widespread suffering. I do have more than one box in my cupboard.

We've thrown caution to the winds and used precious life saving resources abundantly. Dp started it with paracetamol and several scrambled eggs after rather too much to drink last night.

I've selfishly deprived innocent law abiding frothers from their hour outside by spending all day out. Not only did I have fun bathing horses, I wasted water and shampoo getting them clean, rather than bleach and dettol to disinfect them. One immediately went to find fox shit to roll in, which means a typhoid Reynard is prowling the countryside, spreading covid and death.

The dc emerged from their rooms long enough to persuade dp to part with his card for their none essential online orders. I'm guessing they saw an opportunity to take advantage of his pounding head, because neither had mentioned anything they wanted.

And then we rounded off by using chopped tomatoes in dinner.

@Gigabitten I'll do your report. I've got adhd and a mind numbingly boring senior manager. I never have more than a rough idea what he's endlessly banging on about in meetings, and getting as far as halfway through before switching off entirely would be an improvement. So lots of experience producing reports based on fuck all.

Despite working this morning I’ve had a really good day, since nobody else is working in my company I got huge amounts done without morons interrupting me every 2 minutes. Then I popped out and bought lovely chocs and treats for tomorrow, more booze and mixers and picked us up a spatchcock Chicken. I came home, had a drink, then had a nap, then sat in the sunshine in the front garden with a drink, a book and a cig until the sun went down. Had a nice look at Venus in the sky and now I’m watching my favourite trash on tv with a few more drinks.

For the first time since this all started I’m having a truly marvellous time, don’t what you lot are all whining about.

I had to get a man in to sort my drains out a while back. It STANK, but he told me it was perfectly normal and that generally it was in very good shape. It just to make sure not to put anything too big in it in future.

Stop writing funny stuff and painting marvellous pictures to keep me distracted. I should be sleeping by now!
Wish me luck that i actually sleep.

Willow nite nite
Don't let the STD soldiers bite

Evening! We made cakes with DOUBLE the mixture today. Theoretically this is so we can share some with the neighbours (all smug factor points are eradicated by the fact all our neighbours are very elderly indeed and looked pretty bloody fragile pre-pandemic, so eating cake made by us could be what tips them over). So, we'll either poison people by delivering cake, or be gluttons and eat them all ourselves. Choices, choices...

I'm shielding (only found out on Weds I was meant to, so late to the party). My mum's been shielding since it all started. I plan to bundle DD into the car under cover of darkness early in the morning, and have BYO breakfast in my mum's garden, with her at a safe distance. She's lonely and getting low, DD is adopted and has attachment needs that mean she has an extreme form of separation anxiety. This is care for two vulnerable people, and common sense. Let's hope it's not peeing down in the morning. Must find my umbrella.

It gave me the rage too @TheGreatWave because like you, I'm still working but DH isn't and currently nobody's paying him a fucking penny!!

Our sins for the day include a family bike ride and then we had a bbq, in the garden, with alcohol and laughter when we got home.

I slept from 4pm until 10.30pm (so much for a ten minute rest). This meant I emerged to find dinner had been cooked, I missed DP watching All of the Shite he likes.

However, I did notice a thread before that where a kid has grown out of their shoes and somebody genuinely suggested cutting the toes off (presumably, they meant the toes of the shoes and not of the child) so he could wear them like sandals. I really hope they were being deliberately daft insane.

I haven’t been out of the house in 3 days, so my hands are washed if the blood of innocents.

I made Jamie Oliver’s soft, chewy flapjack recipe (no flour, I’m saving that for my daily gruel), and I’m thinking I’d sueing him for false advertising.

Chewy, yes, if you have the fangs of a Sabre tooth tiger. Soft, not so much. It’s more like a rolled oat brittle.

I think I’ll whack it in the food processor and use it for crumble toppings.

Never used one of his recipes before, I’m going back to Nigella. Time to break out her ever reliable brownie recipe. It uses flour, but I’ll just substitute brownies for gruel for every meal.

While I’m on my lone soapbox because I’m time differences, what’s with all the “my elderly parents/grandparents/next door neighbours/whatever), don’t seem to understand the rules no matter how much I explain them”, nonsense which is all over MN?

Short of dementia, being elderly (and elderly in MN terms seems to start shortly after 50), doesn’t render people incapable of understanding the current crisis or the restrictions.

Joe Biden is what, 78, and wants to be US President. Presumably he is considered capable of managing a crisis, let alone understanding it. Yet on MN, pensioners are demoted to the status of slightly dim children.

@dancelikeemmagoldman some threads here blame the old, some the children, it’s irrational on so full of fear and nastiness that I’ve hidden away for days! But this thread is a nice happy place ;)

God I gave in though and responded with facts on another post so I’m probably going to burn in hell (or have to hide away from mumsnet yet again!)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3878009-to-be-fed-up-of-the-am-i-allowed-threads

The villagers with flaming pitchforks will be coming for you Thepigeonsareciming. I’d duck if I were you.