Cats , Flaps and The Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

The other thread is filling up fast so setting up the foundation for our new evil lair. One where we follow real guidelines, not made up ones, make sock cocks ,ruin hair and bemoan the shortage of Spanish soldiers.

This is where we'll keep each other sane or descend into madness together... depends on the day.

What do I need to do if I've got an Ocado order coming...I'm not vulnerable I just logged on and there were like 45 slots...

I had a delivery last week. They said they were prioritising the vulnerable so I figured I was getting what was left. The email told me I could have a weekly delivery so I gave this week's slot to my elderly Uncle - it's probably not enough penance to some on here as I'm clearly murdering the vulnerable but hey ho.

The problem is, the day after I booked his shopping Ocado emailed to say they've changed it to fortnightly!

Apolcalypse (definition) - apologising for everything from breathing to laughing to non-essential shopping

Oh I am sorry I forgot to post my daily sins before getting excited that this thread exists.

Yesterday we baked a cake using FLOUR and EGGS! Not only that, i put one photo of my son with it on Facebook (he was proud of his input) and now deserve a slapped wrist because all I should be posting is pictures of my messy house and How very dare I make a cake anyway because it makes me look like a stepford wife.

@Pinkginhelps

I cleaned the oven today - took it apart and everything. It's spotless.

Bloody pointless task as it'll be dirty again in a few hours as the kids are making an unholy mess baking.

OMG !! I can hear...LAUGHTER !! OUTSIDE!

It is not ALOUD! Actually it's very loud, but bloody hell so nice to hear. Ermm I mean against the spirit!

Who do I report to?

This has filled me with rage, because a whole load of us are still working, no one is paying me to sit around and drink beer.

Princess, you need to report to:

www.noseygitswithnolifeandstickuparse.gov.uk

Afternoo reprobates.
Work long and bot exciting at all.
Trying to watch tv gor a bit but having trouble keeping my eyes
open (probably all the bleach 😄😄)

You have all been busy being very naughty i am impressed.
Really Need to move and have a ciggie while adverts are on.
Is it too early fir wine?

Today I visited my mother. But fret not, it wasn't just visiting, she is actually very elderly and can only live alone because we (me and siblings) help her. So it was not only allowed but necessary. I took her a newspaper though, because she really wanted one. And then we laughed a lot as she insisted on giving me money for it, which necessitated a complicated arrangement of her pushing coins across the floor with her walking stick and me pulling it towards me with a spare walking stick, so that we didn't come within two metres of each other. Then I cleaned everything that I had touched and left. I am probably a murderer.

I think the arseholes are getting worse!
Like that thread thats calling them out. Mind yiu still the odd 'just do as you are told' post DFO we dont need you to tell us. And on anither thread 'you are only allowed out once a week for essential shopping'. They can do one too.

Giga can you do my oven tomorrow when i am at work please? Its a damm disgrace and i have no motivation to clean it.

Will leave choc in payment😉

@willow

I would if I could, it's honestly a job that doesn't bother me. Instead of chocolate - could you finish my report in payment instead? I'm stuck with it.

Smile are body brush and firming lotion "essential"? Perhaps you should donate the brush to @Gigabitten to help with cleaning Willow's oven. Also...you could utilise the bed compost for growing your own veg.

@isabellerossignol
You are very, very bad.
Did you put the newspaper on a hot wash with lots of dettol in?
Did you then hang every sheet out to dry using sterile pegs?
You laughed with your mother! This is against the law.
I'm discusted
(Strops off to put stale hot cross bun on birdtable for fat pigeons)

The actual oven isnt bad its the glass in top and bottom😲😲 its such a pia to scrub it clean😀
Tell me who to report you to as that link didn't work and i will. I will write a good letter too just to let them kniw my full pearl clutching discust at your behaviour. (I wouldnt know where to start on a report. Whats it on?)

I think the arseholes are getting worse!

You're right @Willow2017. Have you seen the 'Can I buy my teenage son a pair of shoes?' thread? Apparently shoes aren't essential, who needs them this weather and he should be introduced to barefoot running!

I no longer think of it as the Coronavirus board, I call it Batshit Corner (these threads excepted of course!)

Two of my 3 cakes, how very bloody wasteful. 8 eggs went into these beauties. And flour, lots of flour. The other cake still in oven. They've all sunk sadly (I know it's my own fault for opening door too soon) but still edible.
Flogging myself as we speak for all the waste. DP couldn't be arsed to go to the shop for mini eggs and cocoa so just coffee cakes. Sigh. At least no more deaths are on his hands.
I've washed up all the crap I messed up and stripped the bed just for something to do.

He's out in the garden now doing garden stuff, then later when its cooled down he will take dogs out.
I'm candy crushing while stuff is washing.

I finished work an hour ago and then popped to the shops to buy essential Easter eggs, essential tonic water and essential crisps. I threw some bread, flour and eggs in just to piss off the moaners too.

I’m about to go and loiter in my own front garden, eat some lunch and have a smoke, illegally enjoying myself the whole time. I’ve already poured myself an aperol spritz do i win for earlies drinker today?

I’ve been warned by my sister that my nieces have been busy and that I should expect another public stoning later. I asked her to give me a 2 minute warning so that I can make sure I’ve moved my drink out of the danger zone.

Jesus Christ people don't you know there's a pandemic out there? What's with all the laughing and scrubbing and baking? You should seriously be ashamed of yourself. That pasta shortage is causing a serious lack of moral fibre.

Speaking of pasta, if you ended up so desperate you had to buy the willy shaped ones from Ann Summer please call it bollocknaise.

As for the nutters I'm back to being an obnoxious teenager , now I just reply with "I don't wanna and you can't make me". There's a little dance too but sadly they can't see that.

do i win for earlies drinker today?
Nope sorry i poured myself a glass already! Glad i aint the onky one though🤣
Sun is shining but too knackered to do anything outside need to water pots but its too sunny so will do it later.
Might go kill stazis natzis on cod😃

More threads on 'I need to report my neighbours' appearing ny the hour! I just click YABU and leave! I have no idea what my neighbours are up to. Well one couple have been painting the outside of thier house staying outside for God knows how long and not harming a soul. I dont give two!

Plenty on ebay

I am baking right now and used 4 eggs.....yes 4!

Dont give a shit! Will awaiting the fuzz!