What happens when you can’t do it anymore?

[BlueMoon1103]

I’ve struggled with lockdown since day 1 and it doesn’t seem likely it will lifted after the 3 weeks. I can’t live like this. What do I do when it gets to a point where I literally can’t do it? Fuck the rules? Become a suicide statistic? What’s the plan for those with MH then? Non, because only CV deaths matter.

Today is the worst I’ve felt. I feel bad for my son stuck in lockdown with me.

Mumsnet can be a great source of support. It can also be a place to seriously heighten anxiety. I thought my asthma was flaring, and I've realised it was twitter/mumsnet triggering anxiety.

Don't let people here put you off your walk. One year olds are hard work. I liked my kids least between 12-18 months. They are boring but require constant vigilance.

This will pass. One day at a time and limit the social media.

BlueMoon1103 why can't you celebrate Easter and birthdays? Nothing stopping you putting chocolate/ cake/ baking ingredients into your weekly shop. At 1 he'll be oblivious anyway. Do video calls with friends and family.

No it won't go on for years - there wouldn't be the political will due to the economy. Worst case scenario is a gradual loosening of restrictions towards the end of June and a fairly free summer, and tightening again for a shorter time when the second wave hits in September/ October.

Hi BlueMoon,

So sorry to hear you're in this situation. It sounds really difficult. Lots of good ideas here, though. I'd also say make the most of bath time. If the water's warm and they enjoy a bath, that can take up a good hour of the day by the time you've done lots of boats, pouring from jugs, whisking bubbles etc, and then got him out, done funny hair-styles and got him dried and dressed.

If you have the paddling pool, can you use that for other messy play like painting and doing hand and foot prints etc?

There's also lots of yoga for tiny kids and other stuff online he might enjoy and would help strengthen his muscles while you're indoors.

In the meantime, it sounds like you need someone to speak to, as well. We can see you're getting lots of good support here (we've got rid of the less helpful comments). But if you need to speak to a professional we have a good list here of numbers to call. Do give them a try. We know it's a miserable time for many at the moment. You're definitely not on your own. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't get the help you need and deserve.

Sending you and good wishes from us all. Keep on keeping on. It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job in tough circumstances.

TBH I don’t think it will go on that much longer before people just start to rebel. At some point we will have to weigh up how much this is all costing us - physically, mentally, socially, financially- and whether it is really worth it. I’m not saying I think that’s the right thing to do - I don’t have any answers - but I think tough choices will have to be made if we ever want to end this lockdown.

Do you exercise OP? When I feel how you do, the single best thing that helps me is to move. That’s obviously hard at the moment, but how about HIIT videos, yoga etc? If you scheduled two of those a day for you, your DC would love watching you.

Other things to fill the days with: put pillows in the ball pool you have (to bulk out the calls and make it feel safer/comfier); let him have long baths (possibly with you?); allow more screen time than you normally would; experiment with new meals (gives you something to focus on); definitely go for two walks a day (let dc crawl on the sand); build a ‘den’ by putting a sheet across a chair/sofa... you can do this. The mere fact you’ve posted on here shows you want to manage it

I think it's a bit like parenting. . . you get to the end of your tether, and you keep on keeping on, because there isn't any realistic alternative, it has to be done. You find your ways to cope, you find your ways to reward yourself for getting through another hour, another day, another week, healthy or not.

How young can you remember anything? I think your fears he will remember any of this are unfounded. It would need to go on for years and it won’t. He will not remember this. The only thing that will truly damage him long term are rash decisions on your part so do whatever it takes to get your head a little more in order whether that’s getting medical help, indulging yourself a bit more, or even venting on here

@BlueMoon1103 gentle hug. I get it. I have a long history of anxiety disorder and I had horrible PND after DS. It is fucking hard. I’ve had a lot of therapy over the past two years and I’m going to suggest something but feel free to tell me to fuck off.

One of the most helpful things for me is radical acceptance. It’s a technique used in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy for people with personality disorders. In a nutshell it suggests that what causes you the most pain in a shit situation is fighting it. With radical acceptance you take a kind of meditative approach to not embrace what’s happening but to get to a place where it doesn’t hold the same power to hurt you. If you’re interested, look up Marsha Linehan and Tara Brach, both practitioners in the field and Brach’s website had loads of resources.

Not a magic cure all but the peace it can bring me in bad times is not insignificant. Claire Weekes’ book Self Help for Your Nerves takes a similar approach, though it’s pretty concentrated on anxiety and its physical effects.

I genuinely wish for you to have some peace and happiness. This isn’t forever. One is a hard age with a wee one. The best thing I had for mine at that age was a playpen filled with ball pool balls that I could set up inside or outside or even just a travel cot would do.

I feel the same and I don’t have a child.

@CookieDoughKid someone with MH issues or depression/anxiety, can’t just “man up about it” It’s really not that simple for those that are suffering.

OP I really really feel for you, the not knowing how long this will last is definitely the worst part mentally. Every day you have made an achievement by getting through another 24 hours and being there for your son. MN is always here for virtual hand holding and support, there are some truly lovely posters on here who will always always listen 💐

The thought that this will be extended beyond next week has done it for me

Same here, @BlueMoon1103

This woman is ill with depression and you can make all the well meaning helpful suggestions you like but until she can access her coping network and strategies she is at real risk. She is on the verge of a total breakdown and should be given special dispensation.

This country is on the verge of a mental health crisis that the NHS will most ASSUREDLY not be able to cope with, never mind 'might' not be able to cope with.

OP, phone your GP and get medication. If you find yourself suicidal, get down to A&E pronto.

I agree with every word that shesgrownhorns says. I know this first hand.

@CookieDoughKid oh what absolute rubbish. Stop with the scaremongering please.

OP I feel your pain- single mum here too with a 10 month old. (And to the PP who said 1 year olds don’t get bored- ha ha!) This situation is so beyond awful, but I don’t think that it will go on much longer. Mostly because we can’t afford it, we are obliterating the economy and wracking up huge debt. It’s ok to feel angry, but just hold on in there for the next few weeks and I am so sure that things will start to look brighter.

shesgrownhorns

yes.

Hang on in there OP. It IS hard. Especially with young children. It's almost even harder with just one child sometimes! Honestly you are not alone. I, for one, am finding it almost unbearable--especially as the only way I have dealt with my MH over the years (and with having kids) is to be outside and frantically exercise every day. I am having to learn how to 'BE'. This WILL at some point get better but in the meantime just get through each week. I personally have not been able to get into a routine but I'm sure it would really really help. Do you have a garden? Can you get an enclosed trampoline for either indoors or outdoors that would keep your kids busy at least for a bit? I'm just trying to think of practical solutions. In my last flat I had a tiny yard full of rubble and building tools. Or trampoline took up any available space but we used it for everything from jumping on/eating on/sleeping on. Don't be afraid to leave the house to take exercise. In fact, you must do that for you and your child.
I honestly really feel for you and don't let anyone tell you that you're being unreasonable for feeling the way you do. Your feelings ARE valid.

Have you got family? Could you move in with anyone for the foreseeable? My adult daughter and grandson might end up moving in with me for similar reasons to what you’re experiencing. For now I am bending the rules and continuing to see them- regardless of what other people think and the pearl clutching on MN.

@iCorona He has almost no risk from this virus.

Are you serious? In the last week alone, a new born baby and a 5 yr old have both diex. YES, in the UK.

@CookieDoughKid, what revelation that is "man up". Why have the health professionals never thought to give people this advice before?
God some people really are so clueless.
The next thread you read posted by someone with mental heath issues that's struggling, maybe don't comment. Your advice, or tough love, or whatever you feel it is, is shite.

@HavenDilemma a newborn baby didn’t die. The youngest victim in the UK was 5 and had an underlying health condition. The risks to children are very low.

OP I just want you to know that I would feel the same in your situation. (chronic depression here) My kids are older so it's different now, but I remember having PND after my first and I remember feeling how you are describing and how truly desperate and black you feel. I can't solve the problem, but I want to you to know that I hear you, I care, and you and your boy absolutely do matter. I hope you keep posting, and that each morning you can gather enough strength to get you both to bedtime. This will pass and happier days are ahead.

I don’t think it will go on that much longer before people just start to rebel. At some point we will have to weigh up how much this is all costing us - physically, mentally, socially, financially- and whether it is really worth it. I’m not saying I think that’s the right thing to do - I don’t have any answers - but I think tough choices will have to be made if we ever want to end this lockdown

This.

People insisting this lockdown must go on for months are very naive. We will have no economy, no jobs to return to afterwards.

Who do they think is going to pay for the furloughed staff? The benefits? Where do people think this money comes from?

Not from everyone sitting at home on their backsides watching Netflix.

Just in relation to helping your child.

My DD had issues with her right side. Here’s what helped her:

• Create a route where he can “walk” supporting himself along furniture, So eg a cardboard box half filled with books that he can pull himself up on ... then put that next to the sofa so he can walk along holding that... then a chair... etc. Put little toys along the furniture.

• Hand things to him on his weaker side so he’s encouraged to use that hand.

• Vtech walker, toy buggy, all good to help support him with walking. If these are too fast on hard floors, try on a rug or wrap something round the wheel axle to make the wheels turn slower

• Is he crawling? Crawling is good as it uses both sides. Do you have/could you get a play tunnel? Put a treat at one end to tempt him.

• Agree baths are good. Assuming he likes baths. At that age a bath is almost a pool :) hold him under his back and head and let him kick

Oh and it will not be 12-18 months or anything like. Go for as many walks as you need

@Bizawit A 6 week old baby died from Coronavirus. Look it up!!