What happens when you can’t do it anymore?

[BlueMoon1103]

I’ve struggled with lockdown since day 1 and it doesn’t seem likely it will lifted after the 3 weeks. I can’t live like this. What do I do when it gets to a point where I literally can’t do it? Fuck the rules? Become a suicide statistic? What’s the plan for those with MH then? Non, because only CV deaths matter.

Today is the worst I’ve felt. I feel bad for my son stuck in lockdown with me.

*your thinking

Agree. We have a severely autistic son who is extremely challenging. He’s normally at residential college. Boredom brings challenging behaviour, everyone is treading on egg shells. The other children have barely left their rooms. I can’t sleep at night for worrying about the next day.

I’m saying there’s nothing anyone can do because they’re isn’t.

Yet YOU are doing something; you're reaching out here and sharing what an awful time you're going through.

Recognising you're struggling and sharing your feelings and thoughts is a positive life skill. You're doing a great job of holding on, despite suffering so much.

It can be hard to hold onto hope when things are so bleak, but you're stronger than you realise, and you deserve to feel better.

Do you work or are you on mat leave? My employer helped me with MH services privately as the wait list for NHS counselling was so long. Many employers offer this

@Onecabbage, I can't begin to imagine why you would post that. Would you honestly say that to a RL friend if she described feeling the way the OP is feeling, over a cup of tea with you? Or would you try to support her - or at the very least offer her a handhold?

@Onecabbage please remove yourself from this thread. You are being absolutely hateful for no reason at all, and are part of the problem, no stigma around MH? I think there is as long as people share your opinions.

OP - you matter, to that little small person you're the most important person in the world.

If your child is acting discontent and isn't standing etc yet - it could well be what we went through with DD2 and not at all lockdown related - she was just trying to do something, wanting to be interacting with the world on that different standing-up level and incredibly bloody pissed off that she couldn't do it yet. She was absolutely a ball of utter discontent and outrage any time she was about to master doing something (and is now the smiliest natured kid you'd meet)... so don't blame yourself.

Would this be any good? With maybe a ball pit too?

www.argos.co.uk/product/4556392

The things I was talking about earlier are actually ridiculously expensive so definitely a no go.

The awful onecabbage post has been deleted now so thankfully it can be ignored.

OP, I can't suggest much but you have my sympathy for being in such a bloody hard situation, for all the good that does. One year olds are a really challenging age group to keep occupied all day. It would drive me up the wall to be dealing with that alone, never mind anything else. It's the indefinite nature of it all that makes it worse, too. If we'd all been told it was, say, two months we could plan and get through and count off the days. No deadline makes it harder.

I would go out for as long as you need, and just make sure you practice social distancing. I would also use as much screen time as your DS will accept to give yourself a break. It might not be ideal but it's going to be a lot worse for him to have a severely ill mum or no mum at all. And that's ultimately the only appeal I can make to urge you to hang on - your son needs you and will suffer a great loss to lose you. You are important and valuable - not just because of your son, but that is something to hang on to.

www.argos.co.uk/product/3665514 and a little swimming pool?

Actually if you have the room and money eother indoors and outdoors there are toddler pools that have little activities/slides and could double as soft play if there's a padded surface underneath. I'll see if I can find the link of the one we had.

I have got him a ‘soft play’ pool but there’s not really space for it in the house or the garden he did go in his paddling pool outside today but it’s not relaxing out there at all as there are so many hazards.

@Kuponut thanks and that might be partly to do with it but he definitely has a left sided problem affecting his leg mainly but it’s starting to become noticeable in his arm too.

Something like this?

We had the first one.

Oh sorry cross posted.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock I'm sure your suggestions will be seen by other posters, what great ideas!

If it makes you feel at all better, I live in Canada and have been pretty much stuck indoors all winter due to the weather. The snow was only just beginning to melt when this started. Having struggled with MH issues for years, I was barely holding on before... now I’m losing my fucking mind. I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old and no outdoor space.

You’re not alone. It’s really fucking hard right now but you’re not alone and you will get through it.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock ours is very similar. I don’t have enough balls to go in it though and it’s huge.

Other posters will probably appreciate the posts! so all good.

I just don’t know how to keep doing this. It’s so monotonous and depressing, there’s no difference in the days, the weekends don’t feel special. We can’t celebrate Easter/birthdays and we can’t see anyone. Is this likely to go on for a matter of years? If it does, he will remember it

As the garden isn't safe, I can see that you need him in a secure area of it. A large play pen with balls and toys? He won't be able to get out, but you can both be in the sunshine and fresh hair for most of the day. If he is enclosed you can read and chat with your friends and family.
I found a summer playpen on Argos that's easily mobile. The photo wouldn't post. Argos are delivering.
Remember that you have had bad times before and you got through it. You have each other and you're safe at home.

You're wrong when you say it will harm your child development to only be with you! He's one and you are his complete world. It will not negatively impact him in the least so not sure why you think that.

You need a routine and take one day at a time.

Ideas for things you can do:
Up, dressed, breakfast, read some books
Out for a walk in the local neighborhood, put him in his pushchair or sling if he's not walking yet
Home, watch 20 minutes or so of tv
Play with some toys in the living room
Do an art activity such as finger painting
Call a friend or family member
Lunchtime
Nap time
Wake up from nap, go for another walk (really is anyone going to notice?)
Play rolling around on the bed/crawling on bed together (bedroom = slight change of scenery)
20 mins tv
Read some books
Go in the garden - take a blanket or mat for you both to sit on in the safe part, take blocks or stacking cups or a small amount of water and some containers
If he can stand with help consider a water table or sand table or even put him on your knee while he plays in them
Call another one of your friends or family
Music time - put some music on and bang on some pots or do actions to the words
Tea time
Nice long playful bath time
Bedtime stories
Bedtime

And repeat some variation of this every day.

Your son needs you. It's ok for be sad and depressed but please don't think he has any needs other than being with his mum as he doesn't.

Big hug

It won’t be years blue 💐

It won't go on for years. The government have all but admitted that neither the general population nor the economy will survive that. Plus there will be a vaccine in 12-18 months.

the weekends don’t feel special.

Totally agree, it's weird, isn't it? I've never not been able to keep track of the days!

Personally with my no expertise whatsoever I really don't think it'll be years. You're not alone with how much you're struggling and the government know we can't cope with lockdown for a very long period of time.

We're already 2 weeks in, every day is a day closer to normality! :)

I should add - 1 year olds are very easily entertained. There are lots of things you can do with your son at home. Over the long winter months we have learnt to make even the most basic activities into a game. It takes a LOT of energy to fake enthusiasm for stuff like “Let’s play going up and down the stairs” or “Let’s play dropping balls into kitchen paper tubes” or “Let’s watch the bin men emptying the bins” which I appreciate is hard to do when you’re feeling low but I’ve found that my son’s excitement can sometimes give me the boost I need to start enjoying those activities too.

Is this likely to go on for a matter of years?

It won't. I promise you it won't and he won't remember any of it.

You can still celebrate if you want. I ordered mini choc eggs(4.99 on ebay) that I will hide around the house or the garden for an egg hunt. We always boil eggs and decorate them either with sharpies,special paint or onion leaves that we crack and eat on Easter Sunday(tradition from my country). Make him an Easter bonnet if you have some craft stuff in and take pics. Make little decorations/bunting he can join in with hand/foot prints.

I must apologise, I probably sound like a super crafty,mumsy mum when the truth is I hot glued myself to the sofa last week.

I can’t do 12-18 months either. I’ve come to a stop. The thought that this will be extended beyond next week has done it for me.