What happens when you can’t do it anymore?

[BlueMoon1103]

I’ve struggled with lockdown since day 1 and it doesn’t seem likely it will lifted after the 3 weeks. I can’t live like this. What do I do when it gets to a point where I literally can’t do it? Fuck the rules? Become a suicide statistic? What’s the plan for those with MH then? Non, because only CV deaths matter.

Today is the worst I’ve felt. I feel bad for my son stuck in lockdown with me.

me and dh talking about exactly this earlier. I too have heard of people taking their own lives out of fear of all sorts of things - money, health, unable to cope with lockdown. a man not far from where I live killed himself and his whole family last week because he lost his job.

I have heard that these things are being discussed - dont shoot me because this is just what I read somewhere that they are weighing up the potential devastation on the economy/people suffering with child abuse/DV/mental health issues and how long they can reasonably apply a full lockdown.

my worry is people will crack eventually and start breaking the rules anyway and without sounding callous I do understand this, especially those living on their own

Unfortunately, you will have to do it even when you think you can't.

Because the alternative that you are implying for your child is horrific.

If you can get online is your library service doing virtual Rhyme Time or your local children's centre offering support or any "groups"?

I'm sorry things are still feeling so bleak for you. I wish I had a solution, but I've sort of fallen into greater despair myself today. I think sometimes for some people we try our hardest, we implement all the shit we're taught by our mental health teams and yet life is still suffering not a fucking "gift".

If complex mental illness could be fixed with "here are some strategies, take some responsibility and fuck off and it will all be rosy" nobody would be living with mental illness anymore. It's not that bloody simplistic.

People keep saying on here and they keep saying to me about calling for urgent help, "surely if you let your GP know how bad things are...". There isn't any help right now! Even the crisis team are telephone only now, so you'd just get a randomer on the phone going "mm-hmm" while you talk and then telling you to use your coping skills. and stop burdening the NHS.

And there isn't anything that a MH professional could do in a short term intervention to lift this despair. All they can do is assess whether you meet the very high threshold to be locked up and traumatised or leave you to continue as you are.

I don't understand what people think MH services look like or can do when they say these things.

It sounds like you're really suffering, OP, and in a negative cycle of thinking. That's understandable, these are tough times for everyone.

You've had amazing advice, hopefully some of it will help you create a daily structure that can aid in easing your anxiety and help you feel better.

I hope your days start getting brighter, not least for your son, I love the PP's idea of making fun games like throwing socks in a box! There are so many positive thinking threads and ideas for things to do, hopefully you'll be able to research and find some coping strategies.

Remember this is only temporary, and if this is proving to be the hardest time of your life, imagine how amazing you'll feel confidence wise when you get through it - you will realise you can do anything!

One thing stands out to me in all of your posts, You feel that nothing will change, noone can make a difference,it is different for you because.....

This is a sure sign that you need help, it is part of your illness, it can be sorted (as you said it was before) Make a telephone appointment with your GP in the morning,if you are already on medication they can tweak it, or find medication which will help.

Things will get better IF you ask and accept medical help.

Yeh, because laying on guilt trips to somebody struggling is really fucking helpful.

You realise the alternative to suicide is not immortality? One day they still have to die and when they do that extra burden of guilt you've deliberately given them will be there tormenting them. Determine the unnecessary additional fear of being caught up in something beyond their control.

What a cruel thing to do.

OP. struggling here too, with older dcs, feel for you.

I've been encouraged to take the day in hour chunks - one hour playtime, one hour exercise, one hour reading, one hour tv etc... i know its way more complicated with a one year old. Try and put some structure into the part of your life that you can control- supposed to help balance out the unpredictability of everything else. Very best wishes.

How many times a day would you normally go out?

I've been fine so far but todays been horrific for me, stuck in one room in a flatshare. More sun and warm weather all next week. I just want it to rain everyday for next 3 weeks

Look. If someone is actually on the verge of killing themselves and/or their children. Not just a bit fed up, but genuinely on the verge, thinking about how, making plans, right at the brink of madness - I say take a 2nd walk.

For fuck's sake. If we're talking theoretical risk of an extra walk vs actual suicide and/or murder, a walk is the sensible choice.

Are we really this dense that we would condemn someone, who is on the verge of committing suicide or child/wife murder, for taking an extra walk?

Are we, as a society, really that thick?

@BlueMoon1103 That's very kind of you in return.

It feels so negative and no-saying to pooh-pooh people's suggestions, when they are being kind and trying to help. But MH is more complex than that, and I know these things don't work. I imagine you have devised ways to cope in the past, and that these have now all been denied to you. It is horrendous, and I really do feel for you. Our situations are very different, in that my children are older teenagers, but the feelings are the same however old the children.

@GrumpyHoonMain, I had no idea that GPs could actually certify the need for exercise. That is the most useful thing I have read in a long time. I am going to look into that. Thank you for mentioning it.

I'm trying not to look too much at MN now because it makes me feel so but I do like your long thread, @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock (the one with the hair dye!)

One really small suggestion is to go and walk in a different direction to usual. If you can find a road you haven’t been before or turn to look at something from a different angle and see a ‘new’ view I find it helps a bit.
I also found Jamie’s store cupboard cooking really comforting last night. Can you try and add up all the nice little bits you can? I realise they’re all tiny.

Frankly, I would imagine it would be "essential travel" if it's required in order to avert suicide, murder suicide or family annihilation.

@jinxpixie I’m well aware of all that. It was ‘sorted’ before. I ‘sorted’ it myself, the GPs didn’t do anything helpful, the medication they gave me made not a single difference so I made myself better. By going out 2/3 times a day doing things my son loves (soft play, swimming, the park) and seeing friends and family. Keeping busy basically. Those were my coping strategies that were encouraged by the GP. I now can’t do those so talking to someone on the phone is no substitute. I’m saying there’s nothing anyone can do because they’re isn’t.

Sorry if this isn't useful, but can you make yourself a timetable?

Treat yourself like someone you are looking after. Plan your days with a timetable including everything - when you get up, nappy changing/ bath your son/ dress him, prepare his breakfast at .

Put in everything including coffee breaks for yourself. Is there anything he'll do unsupervised for ten minutes? Cbeebies? (Probably not at 1 but there are some hipnotic programmes some very young children will watch for ten minutes)? A discovery basket? Messy play in an empty paddling pool indoors to contain mess or in the bath without water (with you in the bathroom obviously sitting drinking coffee)?

Google worthy activities you can do with him - physical play for his arm and leg and lots of sensory and discovery play not because you need to do those things in themselves but because you can structure your day around them and know you're doing something good for your son - it's good to have purpose.

Plan in his naps for you to look forward to and do something for you - if you like reading plan that in as it's better for most people's mood than the internet, but if you don't want to read plan in watching a series or programme on TV or phoning someone.

Structure really helps some people but it's hard to force yourself, which is why you need to think of it as looking after someone, that someone just happens to be yourself.

Obviously vent here or to family or friends on the phone if it helps.

Good luck

I don't understand what people think MH services look like or can do when they say these things.

I just think it's worth speaking to MH professionals, or a GP when someone is feeling like they really can't cope. It's so easy to just spiral and think that there is no point speaking to anyone. I'm not suggesting a magic solution, but possibly online counselling, or medication or a HV visit to check the OP is okay?

I know when I felt really down the helpful suggestions online didn't help - I just needed people to hear that things weren't right to start with.

One year olds dont get bored, believe me. I used to fill a bowl with water and fairy liquid and it entertained mine endlessly. But also a wooden spoon and a saucepan gave much entertainment (and mummy headaches). There are dozens of great ideas you could do with him online. Facebook groups especially dedicated to entertaining kids during lockdown. Pick a couple of plan them in over the week as something to look forward to & prepare for.

I've had MH problems in the past, especially after having my second DC and it's hard in these new circumstances. But the fact is, we have no choice. This is the cards we've been dealt and this is what we need to muddle through.

It wont last forever, it just wont. In the meantime use the tools at your disposal. Video chatting and messages. Even a walk past a family members house to see each other from a safe distance. Connect with people you love in a different way, garner that support virtually until your loved ones can come and wrap their arms around you.

You are doing the most important job in the world right now, you are keeping your son safe! He wont remember this time, but he will always know the love of his mum and how she cared about his well being so deeply she worried herself sick that he would be ok at home with the person he sees as his favourite person in the whole wide world.

We cant change what's happening, all we can do is change our outlook on it.

Blue moon, I totally get you. I'm feeling the same and very fragile. It's the trapped feeling, the loss of my usual way of life and the worry of the future. I found the last 2 weeks so hard and I was still working (key workers here) but this is now the easter break and I am worried for my mental health without the focus of work. Not to hijack your thread with my woes, just wanted to say you're not alone in wondering how to get through.

@Onecabbage go do something to yourself. With a chair. Repeatedly.

Yes OP is important! She matters! She's a real person with needs that is struggling and hurting . She's not a statistic! She's not collateral damage! She fucking matters! If you can't see that well.. let's just hope you're never in that place.

OP - I understand where you are coming from as I had PND after my first son was born and I couldn't get out. However, it might help if you reframe you're thinking. A one year old is really not that bothered about going out, so it's more about finding something that will make you feel better. Yes, it's not ideal but can you talk to people on the phone (or in real life but from a distance!) You can still go out which is a big help AND you have a garden. I am not trying to rub it in but you are in a far better position than thousands of others. Just keep on telling yourself that you will get through it and that you can do it as your son does and will need you and this situation won't last forever!

You need to call your gp and try some different medication.