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Original poster

What happens when you can’t do it anymore?

154 replies

BlueMoon1103 · 05/04/2020 14:11

I’ve struggled with lockdown since day 1 and it doesn’t seem likely it will lifted after the 3 weeks. I can’t live like this. What do I do when it gets to a point where I literally can’t do it? Fuck the rules? Become a suicide statistic? What’s the plan for those with MH then? Non, because only CV deaths matter.

Today is the worst I’ve felt. I feel bad for my son stuck in lockdown with me.

OP posts:
GuppytheCat · 05/04/2020 14:35

Is he walking, or crawling? Can he throw things? Trying to think how best to wear him out - throwing socks at a box went down well with mine, or sitting in one with felt pens or crayons scribbling on it.

Smellbellina · 05/04/2020 14:35

I think the situation is such that whatever is put in place, or even if it was decided that overall nothing should be put in place and just let it run it’s course and deal with the fall out as best people/services can, it’s going to be too much for a lot of people.

I do worry for the mental health of front line staff. I don’t think lifting restrictions is the answer unfortunately but you have my sympathy.

GuppytheCat · 05/04/2020 14:36

Actually, lobbing balled up socks at a target might relieve some stress for adults too

PersonaNonGarter · 05/04/2020 14:38

Tell us a bit more about your garden. Is there anything that could be done to improve it?

1yos do need outside but they don’t need tonnes of space.

Ohfrigginghellers · 05/04/2020 14:43

I was annoyed this morning because I wanted to go out for a walk with the kids in the sunshine but everyone else had the same idea and there were too many people so we turned around and went home before we'd even started.

Original poster
BlueMoon1103 · 05/04/2020 14:47

I’m a single mum, he’s not walking and has a problem with one of his legs so crawls oddly, I’ve been told by HV I’m meant to encourage him to stand/walk to strengthen the leg daily but not much space a home. The garden is sloped and concrete which is breaking so massive lumps of unstable concrete everywhere I haven’t had the time or money to sort out yet. I only moved in at 38 weeks pregnant last year so haven’t been able to sort it. His left arm also isn’t very strong so throwing isn’t really an option. The best activities for him are swimming and soft play as he can exercise safely and gain strength without it being dangerous. I got him a small slide for the garden but he can only use it if I sit him on it and hold him on the way down.

OP posts:
GoodDogBellaBoo · 05/04/2020 14:54

Would one of those pop up ball pits (Argos has them I think) work, to put in the garden or indoors...?

LilacTree1 · 05/04/2020 14:56

You’re not alone OP

LouisaKelmen · 05/04/2020 15:02

Take a look for done diy sensory outdoor play for his age.

LouisaKelmen · 05/04/2020 15:04

Or send a pic of your garden and we can help you figure out some ideas.

Michelleoftheresistance · 05/04/2020 15:05

Honestly what happens when you can't any more? Flowers From bitter experience as I got 'locked down' by chronic illness/disability years ago, you have a meltdown and a rage and a cry, and then you pick yourself up and try and find a way to make it work for another day. Or an hour at a time, or even ten minutes at a time if need be. It's not fun, but it is doable.

A few things I've found that's helped me: try and identify the things getting you down the most, the really specific bits making you most angry or frustrated or sad, and see if there's anything you could do about those or a way you could compensate for them/do them in other ways. Try making a list (when you feel calmer) of the things that make you feel more relaxed, more calm, that raise your sense of wellbeing, and really try and get more of that in your daily routine. Lack of control is the thing that really hits my buttons, if I can make plans and do things it can help.

If you want suggestions for anything ask away, and vent away, happy to help. Brew Cake

TwoCatsSleeping · 05/04/2020 15:06

BlueMoon I'm so sorry to hear this. If it's any consolation at all I felt the exact same up until about 2 days ago, when my mood lifted enough for me to stop feeling suicidal. I think I just needed time to understand what is going on. I'm not saying I won't feel like that again, but for now at least I'm managing I think.
I just want you to know there is hope.

Please call your GP if you feel unable to keep safe.

TwoCatsSleeping · 05/04/2020 15:06

P.s and think of your beautiful son Thanks

Cornettoninja · 05/04/2020 15:07

Practically speaking have you checked out tumbletots in YouTube? I believe their posting sessions on there daily and it might give you some inspiration.

Lookingforwardtomyeastereggs · 05/04/2020 15:09

You have my sympathies op, and honestly I don't know what happens.

I'm wfh, two dc, big age gap so totally different needs. Even the daily walk can be a headache, eldest and I would quite like to go for a run but youngest is too young and often they both end up moaning.

This is day 14 of this I think, I'm starting to get seriously pissed off and resentful of dh too. He's still working outside the home (not a key worker) and this week he's worked the weekend too. Every time he leaves a mess I'm getting furious, every time he leaves his washing at the side of the basket instead of in it, I must have cleaned and tidied the house 100s of times but no one else could care less.

Think we've been ok up until now but I'm definitely reaching boiling point.

iCorona · 05/04/2020 15:14

Is there somewhere you can combine households with? Move in to a relatives or friend?
I know this isn’t popular opinion and I’m the first to get annoyed when people flout the rules but if you genuinely feel suicidal or have severe MH problems do what you need to do to get through this. If that means visiting someone then so be it. It’s not like you can go out clubbing.

Walking daily is not putting him at risk. He has almost no risk from this virus. Staying at home is to help society as a whole and

no body wants you ill or dead especially not your son.

Kuponut · 05/04/2020 15:16

You join a lot of us in taking it an hour at a time when the idea of taking it a day at a time starts to feel like an insurmountable wall. There are lots of us out there - it's just a case of finding your lockdown tribe because the "people went through a war and you need to sit and watch netflix" arseholes on here aren't helpful.

It's shit and yes, it's likely to continue - I'm taking to the end of this three week block, expecting my mood to tank when that's extended and just surviving for the kids at the moment.

EngagedAgain · 05/04/2020 15:29

@BlueMoon1103
Nothing much to add as there has already been alot of good advice. Either try to change things as much as you can, or take the daily or even hourly approach. These times will pass. Try to be positive, and have a little bit of you time every day. Really feel for you. Keep posting when things are getting you down. There's always someone on to help.

Wehttam · 05/04/2020 15:41

Very sorry to read this OP, unfortunately though, for the greater good of the whole Nation this Lockdown can not end for a while.

So you have to find a way you can cope in this situation and accept what is happening and that you can not control whatever regulations are enforced.

It will feel bleak, of that there is no denying, but you have a young child to care for, a child you have a responsibility towards and who is reliant on you being there.

I don’t want to come across as ridiculous here but take care of yourself, drink LOTS of water, make sure you have a good sleep routine in keeping with your child’s, detox from social media for a while. Try different breathing exercises and refocus your energy onto your child and not into a pit of despair.

Original poster
BlueMoon1103 · 05/04/2020 16:55

If I see the words ‘for the greater good’ one more time I’m going to lose it. Us, the people that are suffering, ARE part of that nation!

Lockdown is killing people. 2 I know of so far have decided this isn’t life and I can’t blame them. I feel awful I bought my son into this because it no way to live.

Also how long is ‘a while’? How long before the suicides outweigh the benefits? The child abuse? The DV? It’s all going on and no one gives a shit because it’s not CV.

OP posts:
jinxpixie · 05/04/2020 17:02

I am going to be shot down for this but do please try to look at the situation from another angle

You have your son, you have time, you can be together you will never have this time again.

Get into the bit of the garden that you can, go for walks ,look for the blossom, the new spring flowers. Use the time to encourage him to stand and use the time to find exercises to help his left arm. Pushing a ball as a starter if he can't throw, sit and read stories, dance to the radio.

This IS Life you can make this work, it will pass and we will get back to a new normal. Why is it no way to live for your son,he has his mum and all her time and attention what more does a young son need.

You can sit and wither or work hard to make the best of this. You will have moments of sorry and despair ,then get up and cuddle your son.

LilacTree1 · 05/04/2020 17:02

“ Also how long is ‘a while’? How long before the suicides outweigh the benefits? The child abuse? The DV? It’s all going on and no one gives a shit because it’s not CV.”

This.

Wehttam · 05/04/2020 17:09

OP I presume you’re referencing me there.

You are right you are part of the greater good. However there are thousands if not millions just like you in exactly the same position in a similar mental state. The problem is and this may be a hard pill to swallow but the CV situation is a bigger priority for the government, the authorities, the services, everyone. It is taking resources from every department in the NHS.

So it will feel like you are being left behind and in some ways you are probably right but it’s not a permanent position. If the services were to focus on domestic issues and mental health, they would find themselves in a rabbit hole and possible risk missing out helping those in dire need of specific attention (CV patients).

Lockdown will kill far fewer people than if it were to be lifted. So the lesser of two evils is to have lockdown, we need to accept this.

This is why I said in my previous post that it is vital you focus your attention to your child and wait this out like the rest of us. People do give a shit about DV, the abuse and suicides but right now their efforts are needed elsewhere because otherwise more people will die.

I hope you understand and I genuinely want you to get through this for your sake and the sake of your little one. It won’t be forever.

Original poster
BlueMoon1103 · 05/04/2020 17:16

@jinxpixie I understand and maybe for someone without MH issues that would be do able, but not for a lot of those with.

@Wehttam yes I was because no one should be left behind. That’s simply not okay. There is no other way of looking at this. It’s shit. It’s propelled me back to where I was a year ago with awful PND. I’d just got myself back. I don’t think I can pull myself back again this time.

OP posts:
Orangeblossom78 · 05/04/2020 17:19

It's Ok to say this is rubbish, it's Ok to have those feelings. It's understandable. Flowers It's correct the impact of all this on many people, to acknowledge that.