What happens when you can’t do it anymore?

[BlueMoon1103]

I’ve struggled with lockdown since day 1 and it doesn’t seem likely it will lifted after the 3 weeks. I can’t live like this. What do I do when it gets to a point where I literally can’t do it? Fuck the rules? Become a suicide statistic? What’s the plan for those with MH then? Non, because only CV deaths matter.

Today is the worst I’ve felt. I feel bad for my son stuck in lockdown with me.

BlueMoon1103 you can do this with mental health issues - call on your support, contact your gp, you are NOT alone on this. Physically there is distance between us but not emotionally ask for help from people that can help you.

I’d just got myself back you can do this, you have done this

well its how it is and will remain so for some time i'm afraid

the whole country has to learn to cope with it....are there no websites offering advice? projects to do around your son?

its essential to save lives.....and for this we should be thankful

But you are saving yourself , if you can't think if others think of that .. if you go out you and your son might get it ..
I have never had mental health problems before and I feel desperate too. We all feel like this I would imagine .

Hi op, I’m also not far from feeling as you do.
For my sanity I’ve completely stopped watching it listening to news, this has helped me switch off a bit.
I’ve also got myself into a bit of a routine and is making me feel a bit more in control.
I agree about calling the crisis team, are you under your cmht at all? You do need to call someone to let them know how you feel, that way they really can help. It’s great you’ve reached out on here, really it is, but as you know you do need to speak properly to someone too.
I’ve got weekly calls to check on me and an emergency number if I need it. Would something like this help you?
I’m sorry you’re feeling like this.

When you feel like this go outside and go for a walk. Stay off Facebook and Mumsnet. Look on Instagram of pictures instead. Make up scenarios in your head. Have a pretend day out each day. Close your eyes, by pretend sunbathing next to the beach testing a book etc.
If it does get to much phone someone , seek help

You can do this and I say that as someone, 2 years ago tried to end it all.

My DC are older, still very much need me and I just keep thinking we are writing their DC/DGC’s future history, how would you like to be remembered in that?

Have you offered to volunteer locally to help with shopping, prescription etc? It might take your mind away from now, I applied through our local council and include it in my 1 hour out of the house safe distancing

Make a den to eat lunch in, do what ever you can to make it feel worthwhile. When the little one is sleeping can you do an online course in something that interests you? There are free one's online or really good discounts if you can afford to spare £29 towards your mental health.

Keep posting, we really can do this

“ When you feel like this go outside and go for a walk”

That’s only allowed once a day?

The thing is, there’s nothing anyone can do to help. The problem is the way we’re being forced to live. Until things go back to normal no counsellor can wave a magic want and fix my MH - talking about it isn’t going to help, it changes nothing. The thought of this going on for months and not being able to see friends/family or take my son to the places we love is beyond depressing. Not to mention the potential impact it will no doubt have on his development (I’ve spent my working years working with children so I’m aware of this acutely) he’s an only child so has no one but me to socialise with which is not healthy.

There is only so much ‘worth while’ stuff we can do at home and we’ve basically done it all. He’s clearly bored. I can’t blame him, so am I.

I can’t wait for each day to end and that is not how things should be.

You’re right it’s not how things should be but this is how they are for now, and we’re all in the same boat.

Hi OP. I'm really sorry and can relate a lot to what you are saying. I have a one year old and I've had PND. This weekend I have tried to make my garden accessible for my DD. I nearly had a breakdown when I stepped in dog poo and then got it on my hand. Do you have any family to support you? People can see one another if it's to provide voluntary care and you could use some.

Try and take it day by day. If you think in terms of weeks,months etc it's very overwhelming and claustrophobic.

Try and think about things that you can do. Do you have any big parks where you two could go for a wander,walk, kick a ball etc? Can you go past any friends/family houses on your walk so you could have a hello and a wave even if it's at a distance?

Can you afford to buy little treats when you do your food shop? Something to look forward to?

Don't know if you have the money or the space but could you get one of those toddler trampolines (can be kept inside as well) or a balance bike?

There are many many more things that we can't do which again is very depressing and claustrophobic.

Hello Blue, it is a real worry for me also. I find the isolation so difficult to cope with and the thought that this could be our lives for a long time. The only thing that helps is to refuse to think about the future. I take my dog for a walk and I look at what I can see - the flowers coming out, the trees starting to blossom - and I try not to think about how long this will be my life. I hope you can find the strength to carry on.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock all good suggestions but my son wouldn’t be able to use a trampoline or bike we’re near the beach but I’m actually sick of the sight of it now, we’ve been going everyday.

I can’t do the ‘one day at a time thing’. I need structure and a plan or else I get worse and more anxious. After the one day I’m thinking about I know there are lots of days after that to think about too, so it’s better if I think about them all and know what I’m doing for all of them. There is no time limit on this so that’s making it harder. It could be years until a vaccine and that’s how long we could be living like this...

There’s no way of making this better. Not until we stop being made to go without the things that give us happiness, friends, family, support network. The only reason I bothered to get up today is because my son needed breakfast but as soon as I was up I wanted to go back to bed.

You are right
It’s not how it should be
But it is and we, as parents have a responsibility to see the bigger picture.

Staying in isn’t great but it would be worse if we were being bombed, blimey, if this was a war my DC’en would be deployed, called up to serve their country.

Staying home is a gift at this point.

Logically, remember that your son is young enough not to even remember all of this in years to come.

He has you and you will get through this

PS unless you are in Wales the law does not say you can only go out once a day so if you need to do out more than once you can do so. There is a difference between the law and the Government guidance which is causing a lot of confusion.

Foam mats to create a safe space for your ds in garden? Tunnel, paddling pool filled with balls or bean bags. If the beach is sandy walking him barefoot and "jumping" waves would be good for him physically. Even sitting outside while he naps would be good for your mh. Could you grow seeds in pots and recycled containers?

I'm really really sorry . It is shit. And you're right if what you/your son need and your coping mechanisms aren't available there's not a lot we can do. We can listen though.

If there's anything that helps though, even if it's against the made up MN rules, do it. Because you know what? You are important! Your mental health and needs are important and necessary and essential. You are not just collateral damage.

I'll try to think of what other things you might do or be able to buy for your son if finances/space permit. Maybe some gym mats / indoor climbing equipment? Make his own little soft play at home.

Or a scuttle bug type thing or the bouncy animal toys?

1. Stop looking at mumsnet. There are a bunch of key board on here who are either lying or wouldn’t go out or exercise on a normal day. Follow the advice the NHS provides.

1. Speak to your GP and if they agree have it noted that you need exercise more often for Health reasons. As long as you follow social distancing guidelines it will be okay. Mum has had this formally noted by her GP now (via a letter) so when the police stopped to question her she could produce it.

1. Contact your HV to access support with your son. There are still certain initiatives running for mums with MH issues so get the details for your area.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this op. It's really rubbish and it will get worse before it gets better, you can do this though. Don't focus on questions like how much longer etc because those aren't things you can control. Instead focus on what you can. Try and break the time down into manageable chunks. If you can't do the one day/ hour/ minute at a time then maybe do 'one activity at a time?'. You can control your environment, I have been trying to keep the place tidy because it makes me feel better. That can be split into chunks to get through. You can control what you do with your one year old. Break the day down story time, cooking with mum, quiet time ( TV) exercise, dance time etc, make sure you have time with friends and family once the baby is asleep. You sound like a good mum. Remember kids are fascinated by everyday things. Mine used to play as much with cardboard boxes, kitchen utensils and handbags as they did with actual toys. I know one may be a bit young but there are good songs etc ok n Spotify, audible has free kids stories now, YouTube has nursery rhymes and cebeebies had a lot of great programmes. This will pass

@BlueMoon1103

I have seen you on other threads, and while I can suggest nothing at all to make you feel better (because this is, simply, intolerable whichever way you look at it), I can tell you that you are not alone in feeling this way.

I feel exactly the same.

I have also pulled myself back from severe MH problems once, and this has thrown me back into them. It's not my thread so I'm not going to bang on about them, but I know exactly how you feel.

And I feel as if nobody that mattters is listening to us.

I think you found your way to my thread a while ago. You're more than welcome back to have a rant or moan if you think it might help.

Staying home is a gift at this point

Oh @LennyPugGoat Can you really not see how this sounds to someone who is really, properly struggling with being locked down at home?

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock and @cantata I recognise both your names too, you’ve always been very kind so thank you. And you can use this thread to moan as much as you like - I really wouldn’t mind.

I remember how hard it is looking after little ones. It's hard to stay sane when a single parent and having visits to toddler groups etc, so I can appreciate how difficult you are finding this. This won't go on for years - a few months maybe, but not years.

Firstly, remember that provided you both get to the end of the day fed and safe it's been a success.

Secondly - if you like having a structure - can you give each day a focus? I used to use flylady - which gave a housework task to do every day. Could you combine that with your own plans for the day? Maybe spend one day on playing with toys, one day with drawing, one day music? something like that.

Can you do a zoom meetup with a couple of friends? Have a bit of a group chat?

I do agree with others that speaking to your GP/HV is incredibly important, they may be able to help with support.