The positive mental health thread:-pt 5

[tobee]

How's that?

Morrrrrrning!

I'm tired today. I am missing my closest friend so much. I am focusing on the day I can jump on the train and go and see her. I will stand there and poke and squish her lovely face to make sure she's real then cling onto her for an hour. I am going to hunker down with some comforting food and a good book before I do some work. Bleurgh. Grateful to have lots of food in though. The clapping here was amazing. It went on and on. It lifted my spirits.

We can do this 💪 there are more leaves coming out here which is great. I am not a winter person.

Wishing you all gentle days.

Morning everyone! It's looking lovely and bright outside, hope it's the same where you all are. I have to venture out to the pharmacy to pick up some medication, I'm dreading it but hoping if I get there early enough, there won't be too much of a queue. Other than that, I'm planning a walk to the beach and some gardening. It's time to clean the patio and to get my hanging egg chair out of hibernation so I can hide in the favourite part of my garden.

This thread is a godsend. I'm always reading what everyone's doing so thought it's about time I start adding to it. I have wobbles every now and then but here is always a haven for me. I hope you all are doing ok.

I found the letter from Italy in the Guardian quite moving, possibly more so as we had a rare foreign holiday in Rome in February. At the time there was nothing to suggest Italy was any higher risk than here. Needless to say we visited the Spanish steps, in the photo that accompanied the letter, but it was heaving.

Here's my contribution to the good news, not CV related, all about how successful re-introducing beavers to the wild in Devon has been:

www.positive.news/environment/how-the-return-of-the-beaver-is-changing-britain-for-the-better/

I enjoyed this article:

www.theguardian.com/world/2020/apr/02/beers-deer-heroes-heartwarming-moments-coronavirus

I particularly enjoyed the link to the woman working from home who changed her face to a potato with a filter, then had a meeting with her boss and couldn't work out how to turn it off.

placemarking

Morning everyone it's a very gloomy day here very grey out. I've been up since 7 bathed the baby who decided to have a poo in the bath that was fun cleaning .
The other two decided to have pancakes and nutella for breakfast and I've had an actimal and a banana and about a pint of tea.
I really want to have a treat day today though so thinking of a big calorie laden dinner I can make

Thank you for the new thread!

Morning all. I’m sitting here in my running kit trying to psyche myself up to go - my legs are tired now and the distances are getting longer! 5k today is a longer run than I’d normally do from home, and when it gets to 6 tomorrow and 7 on Sunday that will be the furthest I’ve run since I injured myself in January. So feeling a bit unsure about it all today, whether I can do this or not 😣

I need to get out there and stop overthinking but it’s hard to do!

You can do it @spudlet 💪 🏆

@Spudlet You can do it I can't even run for a bus let alone 5K

@gingerbreadslice Nor could I this time last year! I ran before I had DS, but it had been years, then I started up again at the end of the summer holidays last year because I was really struggling with my mental health. It’s saved me, I really think it has. I was going under before I started to run again.

Thank you for the support - I did it! Slowest 5k I’ve done for a while But my little legs are a bit tired after all! Now just got to muster the energy to haul myself into the shower.

It’s a funny one, I had plans for this weekend and of course they’re gone now. I had plotted a route that would let me do 6k with the local Parkrun in the middle for tomorrow, and a 7k cross-country route that ended at a coffee shop for a celebratory bit of cake for Sunday. Of course I appreciate that I’m lucky to be healthy enough to run and to live somewhere where I feel safe to do so, but I just feel a bit wistful about how things were going to be versus how they will be. 🤷‍♀️

@Spudlet Well done!
And I said the same thing yesterday to my partner all the things we'd planned for this year and now nothing? I said to him my biggest worry for the year ahead was if I was going to get postnatal depression after having the baby but I didn't.
I never assumed anything like this would ever happen and there would be nothing at all to plan.
I think after this a lot of people will become more spontaneous and flexible with arrangements you really do not know what is around the corner in life. It's scary and sad

Hello everyone. Just saw this on Facebook shared by a friend in Australia. It's long, but worth a read.

From a psychologist:
After having thirty-one sessions this week with patients where the singular focus was COVID-19 and how to cope, I decided to consolidate my advice and make a list that I hope is helpful to all. I can't control a lot of what is going on right now, but I can contribute this.

Edit: I am surprised and heartened that this has been shared so widely! People have asked me to credential myself, so to that end, I am a doctoral level Psychologist in NYS with a Psy.D. in the specialities of School and Clinical Psychology.

MENTAL HEALTH WELLNESS TIPS FOR QUARANTINE

1. Stick to a routine. Go to sleep and wake up at a reasonable time, write a schedule that is varied and includes time for work as well as self-care.

1. Dress for the social life you want, not the social life you have. Get showered and dressed in comfortable clothes, wash your face, brush your teeth. Take the time to do a bath or a facial. Put on some bright colors. It is amazing how our dress can impact our mood.

1. Get out at least once a day, for at least thirty minutes. If you are concerned of contact, try first thing in the morning, or later in the evening, and try less traveled streets and avenues. If you are high risk or living with those who are high risk, open the windows and blast the fan. It is amazing how much fresh air can do for spirits.

1. Find some time to move each day, again daily for at least thirty minutes. If you don’t feel comfortable going outside, there are many YouTube videos that offer free movement classes, and if all else fails, turn on the music and have a dance party!

1. Reach out to others, you guessed it, at least once daily for thirty minutes. Try to do FaceTime, Skype, phone calls, texting—connect with other people to seek and provide support. Don’t forget to do this for your children as well. Set up virtual playdates with friends daily via FaceTime, Facebook Messenger Kids, Zoom, etc—your kids miss their friends, too!

1. Stay hydrated and eat well. This one may seem obvious, but stress and eating often don’t mix well, and we find ourselves over-indulging, forgetting to eat, and avoiding food. Drink plenty of water, eat some good and nutritious foods, and challenge yourself to learn how to cook something new!

1. Develop a self-care toolkit. This can look different for everyone. A lot of successful self-care strategies involve a sensory component (seven senses: touch, taste, sight, hearing, smell, vestibular (movement) and proprioceptive (comforting pressure). An idea for each: a soft blanket or stuffed animal, a hot chocolate, photos of vacations, comforting music, lavender or eucalyptus oil, a small swing or rocking chair, a weighted blanket. A journal, an inspirational book, or a mandala coloring book is wonderful, bubbles to blow or blowing watercolor on paper through a straw are visually appealing as well as work on controlled breath. Mint gum, Listerine strips, ginger ale, frozen Starburst, ice packs, and cold are also good for anxiety regulation. For children, it is great to help them create a self-regulation comfort box (often a shoe-box or bin they can decorate) that they can use on the ready for first-aid when overwhelmed.

1. Spend extra time playing with children. Children will rarely communicate how they are feeling, but will often make a bid for attention and communication through play. Don’t be surprised to see therapeutic themes of illness, doctor visits, and isolation play through. Understand that play is cathartic and helpful for children—it is how they process their world and problem solve, and there’s a lot they are seeing and experiencing in the now.

1. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and a wide berth. A lot of cooped up time can bring out the worst in everyone. Each person will have moments when they will not be at their best. It is important to move with grace through blowups, to not show up to every argument you are invited to, and to not hold grudges and continue disagreements. Everyone is doing the best they can to make it through this.

10. Everyone find their own retreat space. Space is at a premium, particularly with city living. It is important that people think through their own separate space for work and for relaxation. For children, help them identify a place where they can go to retreat when stressed. You can make this place cozy by using blankets, pillows, cushions, scarves, beanbags, tents, and “forts”. It is good to know that even when we are on top of each other, we have our own special place to go to be alone.

11. Expect behavioral issues in children, and respond gently. We are all struggling with disruption in routine, none more than children, who rely on routines constructed by others to make them feel safe and to know what comes next. Expect increased anxiety, worries and fears, nightmares, difficulty separating or sleeping, testing limits, and meltdowns. Do not introduce major behavioral plans or consequences at this time—hold stable and focus on emotional connection.

12. Focus on safety and attachment. We are going to be living for a bit with the unprecedented demand of meeting all work deadlines, homeschooling children, running a sterile household, and making a whole lot of entertainment in confinement. We can get wrapped up in meeting expectations in all domains, but we must remember that these are scary and unpredictable times for children. Focus on strengthening the connection through time spent following their lead, through physical touch, through play, through therapeutic books, and via verbal reassurances that you will be there for them in this time.

13. Lower expectations and practice radical self-acceptance. This idea is connected with #12. We are doing too many things in this moment, under fear and stress. This does not make a formula for excellence. Instead, give yourself what psychologists call “radical self acceptance”: accepting everything about yourself, your current situation, and your life without question, blame, or pushback. You cannot fail at this—there is no roadmap, no precedent for this, and we are all truly doing the best we can in an impossible situation.

14. Limit social media and COVID conversation, especially around children. One can find tons of information on COVID-19 to consume, and it changes minute to minute. The information is often sensationalized, negatively skewed, and alarmist. Find a few trusted sources that you can check in with consistently, limit it to a few times a day, and set a time limit for yourself on how much you consume (again 30 minutes tops, 2-3 times daily). Keep news and alarming conversations out of earshot from children—they see and hear everything, and can become very frightened by what they hear.

15. Notice the good in the world, the helpers. There is a lot of scary, negative, and overwhelming information to take in regarding this pandemic. There are also a ton of stories of people sacrificing, donating, and supporting one another in miraculous ways. It is important to counter-balance the heavy information with the hopeful information.

16. Help others. Find ways, big and small, to give back to others. Support restaurants, offer to grocery shop, check in with elderly neighbors, write psychological wellness tips for others—helping others gives us a sense of agency when things seem out of control.

17. Find something you can control, and control the heck out of it. In moments of big uncertainty and overwhelm, control your little corner of the world. Organize your bookshelf, purge your closet, put together that furniture, group your toys. It helps to anchor and ground us when the bigger things are chaotic.

18. Find a long-term project to dive into. Now is the time to learn how to play the keyboard, put together a huge jigsaw puzzle, start a 15 hour game of Risk, paint a picture, read the Harry Potter series, binge watch an 8-season show, crochet a blanket, solve a Rubix cube, or develop a new town in Animal Crossing. Find something that will keep you busy, distracted, and engaged to take breaks from what is going on in the outside world.

19. Engage in repetitive movements and left-right movements. Research has shown that repetitive movement (knitting, coloring, painting, clay sculpting, jump roping etc) especially left-right movement (running, drumming, skating, hopping) can be effective at self-soothing and maintaining self-regulation in moments of distress.

20. Find an expressive art and go for it. Our emotional brain is very receptive to the creative arts, and it is a direct portal for release of feeling. Find something that is creative (sculpting, drawing, dancing, music, singing, playing) and give it your all. See how relieved you can feel. It is a very effective way of helping kids to emote and communicate as well!

21. Find lightness and humor in each day. There is a lot to be worried about, and with good reason. Counterbalance this heaviness with something funny each day: cat videos on YouTube, a stand-up show on Netflix, a funny movie—we all need a little comedic relief in our day, every day.

22. Reach out for help—your team is there for you. If you have a therapist or psychiatrist, they are available to you, even at a distance. Keep up your medications and your therapy sessions the best you can. If you are having difficulty coping, seek out help for the first time. There are mental health people on the ready to help you through this crisis. Your children’s teachers and related service providers will do anything within their power to help, especially for those parents tasked with the difficult task of being a whole treatment team to their child with special challenges. Seek support groups of fellow home-schoolers, parents, and neighbors to feel connected. There is help and support out there, any time of the day—although we are physically distant, we can always connect virtually.

23. “Chunk” your quarantine, take it moment by moment. We have no road map for this. We don’t know what this will look like in 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month from now. Often, when I work with patients who have anxiety around overwhelming issues, I suggest that they engage in a strategy called “chunking”—focusing on whatever bite-sized piece of a challenge that feels manageable. Whether that be 5 minutes, a day, or a week at a time—find what feels doable for you, and set a time stamp for how far ahead in the future you will let yourself worry. Take each chunk one at a time, and move through stress in pieces.

24. Remind yourself daily that this is temporary. It seems in the midst of this quarantine that it will never end. It is terrifying to think of the road stretching ahead of us. Please take time to remind yourself that although this is very scary and difficult, and will go on for an undetermined amount of time, it is a season of life and it will pass. We will return to feeling free, safe, busy, and connected in the days ahead.

25. Find the lesson. This whole crisis can seem sad, senseless, and at times, avoidable. When psychologists work with trauma, a key feature to helping someone work through said trauma is to help them find their agency, the potential positive outcomes they can effect, the meaning and construction that can come out of destruction. What can each of us learn here, in big and small ways, from this crisis? What needs to change in ourselves, our homes, our communities, our nation, and our world?

Hello everyone!

It was even louder here last night than the week before. I just hope that when all of this is over people remember how important a well-resourced NHS (and education system) is and vote accordingly.

Popped to the co-op this morning and had a nice chat to the young lad on the checkout. I am turning into my mother.

Just found you all!

Had couples therapy on zoom this morning... not too awful, but made me realise how much I am doing things in response to anxiety - had thought I was doing pretty well on that front as no overt panic symptoms but as I talked about lockdown I realised a lot of things I’m doing - shutting out news, not checking emails, organising a tightly controlled timetable, not discussing anything difficult etc are probably all in some way techniques to manage my anxiety and stay in a little ‘safe’ bubble. Going to try and push out of this a little bit I think, open up rather than fold in on myself.

Also going to try to do more for myself rather than focusing everything on home school and the children.

@Spudlet Remember if you are feeling very tired tomorrow and your legs are aching, you don't have to do your run! I think you are meant to have rest days in between exercise anyway.

Talking of things people had planned, when we turned our calendar over to April it was quite sad as there were two holidays on there (one for me and DH and one for DS with his friends) obviously now both cancelled.

We are planning what we will do next year when this is all over!

@PineappleDanish that’s a great list, thanks for sharing.

@commandershepard yes I agree, surely people’s admiration for the NHS will have increased tenfold from this.

Bunnyflop said "No good can come of it!" and I was reminded of this, which always makes me laugh and laugh. If you know English folk-songs at all then it might amuse you too.

nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/006448.html

Hi everyone :) glad I found the new thread. My anxiety has spiked terribly the last couple of days and I’m really struggling, so my partner has challenged me to stay away from all negative media and corona news for 34 hours. He’s making me a cheese toastier for lunch and then we’re all going out for a walk later :)

@Shiny I felt like that too! It was so sad seeing all the things I had planned for April - some very significant events too! All gone, I scribbled them out probably as a way of coping with the disappointment. Depending on what happens with lockdown for the rest of the month, I might just remove the whole page.

Anyway! I managed to get my medication this morning and there was no queue! I popped into the local OneStop to get whole milk for DS2 and if was empty so wasn't traumatic at all. It clouded up a bit here but still managed to walk to the beach so my son could throw pebbles into the sea.

I've stopped watching the news I get DP to tell me what I need to know and I get all my positive points from here so I'm pretty calm at the moment.

"Many people feel depressed about the COVID-19 situation, and it is without doubt a horrible tragedy.

But many people are rising to the occasion, and there’s a lot of good news mixed in with the bad.

The media has a tendency to give extra coverage to the negative because readers find it more eye-catching.

So in the interests of balance, here’s some positive things we’ve learned in the last week while writing articles on how to tackle the coronavirus crisis through volunteering, donations, or policy change."
80000hours.org/2020/04/good-news-about-covid-19/

Thank you PineappleDanish for sharing that. Some very sound advice there I think. Not sure the therapists are getting the credit they also deserve for offering so much free help, albeit indirectly.

Milk & More delivered our weekly egg order today. Hurrah!

Don’t think I’m going to go out for walks anymore. I went out yesterday and felt uncomfortable and vulnerable. Me and dh have asthma that results in nasty chest infections a few times a year so the correct sitch is a worry. Gonna open the window, blast 90s music and stomp around the room instead.

Current not correct

A late thank you and placemarking for the new thread