Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

I'd RATHER people LIVED... than died thanks to stupidity.

Your suggesting a plan that would risk spreading an infectious disease around the UK.

The health authority in her areas accounted for her when working out how many hdu beds were needed. Your health authority did the same for you and your dh.

If we all move about then get ill there won’t be enough beds.

Fetching adult children home from uni etc is going to cause higher rates of infection.

DH will go, make clear that she should have decided a week ago and that she will self-isolate for the seven days.

Will he also isolate for 7 days, having been in a car with her for hours?

I can’t believe you are considering doing this.

And yes, I would (and have) taken my dog out twice a day. I live very rurally and haven't seen a single other person in the woods near here since the beginning of the lockdown (not one)!

FFS, go and get her before the restrictions tighten further.

They already exclude this journey.
Do not go out except for work (if you CANNOT work from home), medical reasons or exercise.
Nothing about this fits.

And yes, toll of isolation high etc but this 24-year-old doesn’t live alone. She’s young and has a loving family who’ll keep in contact. She’s not a mental health emergency in any sense.

MN is bonkers. So many encouraging the OP to collect the DD whilst,on other threads, RAGING at people going outdoors to get excercise

This. I got ripped to shreds the other day for wanting to walk my dog round the block more than once a day, purely for toileting. But this thread? 'Go get her, OP!', 'No question about it, OP!', 'Break the lockdown laws, OP!'

If you’re confident that your car is reliable and she will absolutely stay in her room for 7 days, if she was mine I’d have to bring her home.

However I only just realised how truly poisonous these kinds of places are - innocent me

Nobody’s being poisonous. You just don’t like the responses you’re now getting. You were thanking everyone an hour ago when posters were all telling you to go get her. You’re now stamping your feet because people have not supported your selfish actions in ignoring the rules that have been laid down in order to protect the population.

None of us are enjoying being locked down but most of us are getting on with it for the greater good. You and yours are not a special case. I hope your daughter does set you an example and lives up to her usual ethics and morals by telling your husband not to come for her.

Come on, would all these posters rather the DD was completely alone with no support network?

Really? The OP's DD has not said she is struggling in any way, shape or form. She has not said she has no support network.

My DD in London said wistfully she wishes she was home. She knows she can't be. These are extraordinary circumstances.
However, we are in constant contact, she has a huge friendship circle she is in contact with (obviously now online), I am supporting her from afar and she is not putting her desire to be back home with Mum and Dad ahead of doing the right thing.

i.e. living somewhere that is a hotspot and thinking of our health and other peoples.

The problem won't just be corona by the end of this if people continue to insist that loneliness and complete isolation (underlying health conditions aside) is preferable to having the support of family.

Definitely go and get her. You should be together.

Of course the OP's DD won't be isolated if she came home! My two wouldn't be.
There is no way on God's earth they would stay in their bedrooms for 2 weeks.

One of them has probably had Covid19. One of them is self isolated from their boyfriend who has probably had it.

The risk is too much. They know that. I know that. I can support them endlessly from afar.

Definitely go and get her. You should be together

Why in God's name do you say this?

I am appalled. I have an ache that wont go away from missing my two. But they are not coming home because it's not the right thing to do.

@Lockheart @IDSNeighbour @Bluetrews25 and a few others nice to see some people following the guidelines designed to stop people travelling to less populated areas less equipped to deal with the coronavirus crisis.

@AinJD
I think your mind is made up, and I can understand why you want your daughter with you, but don't use this She’s been nowhere but the park and corner shop for over a week, the same as her two flatmates. None of them is ill. That’s the thing that swayed him. as an argument in favour of the idea as if a corner shop in London wouldn't have had much footfall. The government have said people can have coronavirus and not show symptoms so don't let that be your argument. Own the decision (as a family) for your DH to undertake this journey.

The OP also hasn't said that her DD has a good support network around her.

If she was comfortable staying where she was, I'm sure as an adult she would be able to weigh up heer options and come to the right conclusion. She must have a damn good reason for actually pursuing it.

I do agree that Mumsnet can be unnecessarily personal at times but in a global pandemic all of our actions become intimately linked so the very hostile, personal replies are legitimate on this occassion.

The actions of your family will materially alter the risk to my family, that's how this works. Do the right thing.

Go on, do the very thing that people are being begged and instructed not to do. Take someone out of London, the most hot spot, and take them to the other end of the country. (Make sure no stops at services on the way). I bloody despair. The sooner a proper lock down comes the better because people can't be trusted to act responsibility. And as said above - if you do this then of course your husband also needs to be isolated. And the car needs to be disinfected.

Awaiting the deletion message as ‘causing OP problems in RL.’

@Olawisk

@Highonpotandused - I was the one that wrote ‘go and get her’.

Il write how I like so you can get lost

I remember your obnoxious posts on other threads. For someone so quick to be nasty to others you certainly are quick to get annoyed by a general comment on a thread that wasn’t even directed to you.

You were the poster telling a woman she must continue to put her 2 year old sick child at risk by ensuring her father sees his 2 other children from his ex even though his and kids had not been self-isolating be carrying on as normal.

No you shouldn't do this. It's not in the rules is it?

I lost a relative the other day to Covid. I wanted to be with my mum. She doesn't even live that far from me. I didn't do it.

We didn't see the relative when he was dying. We don't get to go to the funeral. We don't get to be together to comfort each other.

I'm sorry it's difficult and it's crap but it's the reality of it. You all need to stay in your own houses, it's too late to be moving around now.

I despair, I really do.

I am a total mother hen. If I could have my two home, I would. But I can't. They have come to this conclusion as much as I have.

I cannot believe someone is going to get their 24 year old DD from London because she fancies coming home. My two fancy coming home, but they have made the decision that it is not the right thing to do at this moment in time. As I said... their two boroughs are at the high end of infection. Where I live is very low in cases. They can't be with me as much as I want them to.

I lost a relative the other day to Covid. I wanted to be with my mum. She doesn't even live that far from me. I didn't do it

I'm sorry for your loss...

my neighbour was an active healthy man... our community is in shock and fear.... everyone is in complete lock down... no unnecessary travel