Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

God this is so hard. I replied a little while ago to say that if your car is reliable, bring her home.

I’ve since read and considered the whole thread and much as my heart would tell me to collect her, I now think I was wrong.

She’s your child and your heart will be torn in half but people are right, if we’re going to beat this we have to be selfless, all of us.

So, so sorry for the terrible situation you and so many thousands find themselves in.

I’d go.

We are going out minimally and carefully so that we are, hopefully untainted, and could go and get DM, DMiL or DD if needed.

I would get her. Almost everyone I know has had 20 something children return for the lockdown. Don’t hesitate

How does anyone know they are untainted? I don't know. My DCs in London don;t know.

The minute they set foot outside the door they are at far far more risk than me (I walk out into fields almost). They are ultra careful but they live in busy boroughs high on the list of infections. No one should move around. The sooner they stop all this moving around the better. And I say that with a heavy heart, because it means I don't know when I'll see my DCs and that hurts

God this is so hard. I replied a little while ago to say that if your car is reliable, bring her home.

I’ve since read and considered the whole thread and much as my heart would tell me to collect her, I now think I was wrong.

Thank you, Duchess. If this thread has convinced 1 person to change their opinion there is hope.

We have to protect the NHS, and the vulnerable.

Some people say they understand but they don’t act like they do.

We are all having to make unprecedented sacrifices. It’s much easier though for a healthy 24-year-old to stay at home in London than for many many many people. We act for them, against our own impulses.

I give up. Why do I do the right thing and others don't? All these posts saying 'don't hesitate' and 'go and get her'.

Our death rates are going to rise astronomically and it's going to take a long time to flatten that curve but hey... you've got your DCs home and who knows who they've infected

This thread demonstrates why lock down is inevitable, and that it will be necessary to waste police and possibly military resources to enforce it. The levels of ignorance and selfishness are... just awful.

I hope N Yorkshire thanks you for bringing the virus home.

It's pants, but no you can't go and get her.

We're up against a greasy little bag of RNA that doesn't give a shit whether we've fled London for our second home like Prince Charles or whether we're rescuing our young adult children from what is probably going to be a risky and horrible few months in London for them. The virus doesn't care whether you feel guilty or not, it doesn't care about the spirit of the guidance. If it gets a chance to jump hosts and spread itself then it will. That's all.

This is why we are fucked. From a human point of view, who wouldn't want to rescue their child in such circumstances?

London is a seething petri dish of infection. Some other areas of the country are not (yet) and still have a chance of avoiding catastrophic overload of local NHS resources and rapidly escalating numbers of deaths.

North Yorkshire is huge and has 75 confirmed cases. They will not be spread evenly. I haven't looked but I bet you half a bog roll that the cases make up one or two clusters in towns which could still be contained if the will was there. London is not huge and has 5299 confirmed cases. It's an extremely interconnected city which means the cases are fucking everywhere. And your daughter lives in a shared house which greatly increases the risk that she will come into contact with it.

From a public health point of view it would be best to support your daughter to stay where she is and prevent the spread to areas that are still only minimally affected or may not yet be affected at all.

But if nobody else is bothering to prevent the spread then will it make any difference whether you rescue your DD or support her to stay where she is?

If you decide to go and get her then 7 days isolation is inadequate and not in line with WHO advice. Ideally she would spend 14 days in strict isolation where she is (but this will be extremely difficult in a shared house) before any rescue attempt. Otherwise 14 days strict isolation at your home and all of you should isolate because she'll have been in a car with your DH for a very long drive.

I'm sorry you're facing such a horrible choice and I don't know what you should do

@AinJD - I do understand why you want to get your dd home, but you are risking spreading the virus to an area that it hasn’t really reached yet, and that will be less well prepared for it. Your unnecessary journey could kill someone.

People have been told - not asked - to stop moving around so we can avoid spreading the virus.

It is pretty shit for everyone. Most, if not all of us have people we care for, who we can’t see at the moment. But it is more important to stop the spread of this disease.

It is not worth the risk. Your dd can cope - it won’t be fun, but that is life at the moment. She needs to be a grown up and make the sensible choice. And if she can’t or won’t make the sensible choice, you should do it for her.

To repeat for emphasis - your unnecessary journey could kill someone.

Tell him to be careful and wear gloves when he refills the petrol. This is advice that the Irish government is giving out - they think petrol pumps are a source.

MN is bonkers. So many encouraging the OP to collect the DD whilst,on other threads, RAGING at people going outdoors to get excercise

This.

It’s batshit.

We are going out minimally and carefully so that we are, hopefully untainted, and could go and get DM, DMiL or DD if needed.

Such abysmal ignorance. 🙄

Petrol pumps are not a source, people are the source.

I can see how some might disagree and yes it's not great, really should of come home sooner. But as a parent yes I get my child even if they are an adult.

This is why we are fucked. From a human point of view, who wouldn't want to rescue their child in such circumstances

I'm curious to know why this 24 year old child didn't make an effort to come home when traveling was still allowed, and has waited until several days into lockdown to 'need' her parents.

I've given up. Go and get her. Do what you want. Encourage her to come home because that's what you ultimately want.

I just feel it's so unfair. I want my DCs home too but we're taking the right decision and I'll look back and know that. So will they.

We chat about how they would like to be home but we get through it apart together because we know we're strong enough not to take risks with ourselves and with other people.

I’m collecting my son (24) tomorrow night. He works in utilities. He’s changing job, his job ends tomorrow and his new job in London starts in a couple of weeks. His tenancy ends next week and his new job in will be initially wfh - also utilities. He will self isolate in a room with an en-suite once here. He can’t start his new job, which is deemed essential if he’s homeless, and is at higher risk of contracting the virus if he’s homeless. No one in our house is showing symptoms, is high risk, or has contact with anyone in a high risk group.

🤷‍♀️

MN is bonkers. So many encouraging the OP to collect the DD whilst, on other threads, RAGING at people going outdoors to get exercise

This

It’s batshit

Well, presumably they're different posters. MN isn't a hive mind after all – its made up of lots of people, many of whom have different opinions.

It does show one thing though, and it's what makes the whole site so unpleasant to use: there are so many people who think their opinion is gospel and have no idea how to convey it civilly. It's all "fucking idiot" this and "fucking shameful" that, etc. from all sides.

I can just imagine the next government advice advert on this won’t be presented by Chris Whitty it’ll be the cast of Sesame Street and a pack of crayons.

Has anyone, just anyone, on this thread who are saying 'go, get her' heard of being asymptomatic ?

I would get her. Almost everyone I know has had 20 something children return for the lockdown. Don’t hesitate

And some of the people you know have brought the virus to totally new locations as a result. Typically, people with Covid-19 spread it to between 2 and 3 people. So if we're optimistic, one infected 20-something might only infect 2 people. Each of those will infect 2 people. Each of those will infect 2 people, and so on. You get to over 1000 people infected from one adult offspring feeling the danger zone more quickly than you'd like.

Statistically, out of 1000 people infected with Covid-19, some are going to die. From one healthy 20-something moving back with their parents.

have no idea how to convey it civilly.

Perhaps people don’t feel very civil towards someone who is effectively saying ‘fuck everyone else’s sons and daughters.’