Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

I don't know hat you should do but if you do go and get her she should ideally isolate for 14 days. The seven day thing is after symptoms. The incubation period is 14 days.

To go and get her would be against the government guidelines. I know how difficult it must be to be apart from her in such an unsettling time but I would have to say don't do it. It's tough but it's really not essential.

Are the trains not running to Yorkshire anymore? I know colleagues who have travelled by train and re planning to travel to Leeds.

Parents are doing this all over the country.
It is going to spread the Virus more thoroughly.

Everyone has "special reasons" and yes I get it they are the ones you love.

But it is contrary to a lockdown and it will make things worse.

And you need to do 14 days isolation, 7 days is too short.

It isn't for people here to decide what's an essential journey. There are people who consider it essential to buy lottery tickets, by all accounts.

I don't know hat you should do but if you do go and get her she should ideally isolate for 14 days

As if the OP's DD will walk in the door 6 foot from her mother and go up to her room for 14 days away from her Mum and Dad. It just won't happen. We all know that.

Nothing disastrous has happened to your daughter. You'll be having her at home for 12-18 months then will you, until they make a vaccine? You shouldn't be molly coddling a 24 year old.

Thanks for all the constructively written responses. However, I only just realised how truly poisonous these kinds of places are - innocent me. I was fine with and expected both negative and positive responses and we really were looking for strength to do the right thing. It only takes one or two overly personally nasty comments to render the whole thing useless. I expect our usually extremely moral, unselfish and ethically sound daughter will either tell DH not to come tomorrow or admit that there’s something bothering her so much that she really can’t stay. I can’t believe how dirty Mumsnet has made me feel despite the many comments that understood exactly where I was coming from. ☹️ No more responses needed, thank you.

For fuck's sake. I could cry reading all these responses of go and get her. Is the journey for food, medicine, work or exercise? No it isn't, in which case IT IS NOT ALLOWED
Have none of you seen my NHS frontline colleagues asking you to stay at home for them? Have you not seen the footage from overwhelmed Italian hospitals? If people insist on travelling round the country we will end up in the same situation.

Look, just answer me two questions:

1. Why do you think the lockdown rules have been brought in?

1. Why should they not apply to you?

OK, three questions:

1. If you decide you are exempt from the rules, what’s to stop everyone else in the country deciding they are also exempt?

You and your daughter are poor decision makers. Make your bed and fucking lie in it.

That's not totally fair AinJD. I am in exactly the same position as you and I hope you have taken my post in the spirit in which it's meant. I miss my DDs terribly. But I am taking a view for them, for me, and for others.

@AinJD There are people not visiting beloved relatives on their deathbeds due to the concern of transmitting the virus.

Er, I posted to say people are rude to you saying ‘go and get her’, but no one has said anything to make you feel dirty, OP. Complete overreaction.

It isn't for people here to decide what's an essential journey.

Well yes, I think we pretty much can deduce that to drive from Yorkshire to London and back again to convey a 24 year old woman who has been working and living independently for some time, because she wants to go home to mummy and daddy, is unlikely to come under the heading of essential journeys. Particularly when taking her from a high risk area and her mother obviously having no clue as to the principles of infection control judging by what’s been said.

MN is bonkers. So many encouraging the OP to collect the DD whilst,on other threads, RAGING at people going outdoors to get excercise.

we really were looking for strength to do the right thing. It only takes one or two overly personally nasty comments to render the whole thing useless

What does this mean? That because some people said some ’personal’ comments you’ll do the ‘wrong’ thing and go get her, to spite MN?

It’s not ‘poisonous’ here. People with loved ones on the frontline, in essential jobs, with underlying conditions, missing loved ones, are scared and want everyone to help do the right thing.

Stay home.

If it’s a choice between acting like Mumma Bears vs Infection Control, I think Mumma Bears appeals to MNers more.

Mumsnet is fucking weird sometimes.

FFS, go and get her before the restrictions tighten further.

Protecting the mental health of everyone is essential in my eyes (as someone who suffers from poor mental health).

Come on, would all these posters rather the DD was completely alone with no support network?

From an MH POV, there's definitely going to be an increase in mental illness and suicides from this, and that shouldn't be taken lightly either.

Go and get her

Omg.

So all the people that were screeching at someone for taking their dog out twice a day in an empty field and calling anyone who didn't like lockdown "selfish entitled wankers", now freely admit they would break lockdown for their own family. Which makes you.....wait for it......selfish.

Point proven: it's easy to stand on your high horse calling out others for not doing things for the "greater good", but when it comes to it, greater good is total bollocks isn't it.

I'm sorry that this thread has made you feel bad OP, but you must see it from the perspective of others as well. So many of us are apart from people we love but we know that we can't see them because it'll be potentially dangerous to us, them and so many others around us.

This lockdown is really rubbish but if people keep on bending the rules, the longer it'll go on and more restrictive it'll end up being. I hope your daughter doesn't feel too badly about the situation and is able to keep in contact with you and your DH during this.

This thread makes me very sad.

I would give anything at the moment, to hug my DDs. I miss them so much, it doesn't matter if you have young children or adult children, you want to protect them so much. I want them tucked up in their bedrooms like they are little !

And I can't. I can't protect them. I have to leave them where they are... in a hotspot. And I am doing that selfishly for our health (age and DH previous heart problems), and unselfishly because I cannot risk them coming here and to be blunt... bringing something from London.