Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

The rules are really very simple and very clear.

Stay in and do not travel. Do not mix households.

Despite your DD being family she is not in your household.

Stay in and do not travel.

But if you are potentially reducing the risk for the NHS by bringing someone away from an existing hotspot in order to self quarantine (and by using a car and not public transport) then it seems ok to me.

But you are bringing someone away from the hotspot to a place with a very low rate of infections - thereby potentially spreading it around the country and increasing the risk to the NHS in areas with fewer hospitals and resources.

*if you also all self isolate as a household for 7 days after

it’s really rude to tell OP ’Go and get her.’

It would be more polite to say:

I would go and get her.
Please go and get her.

Manners, people.

it makes you someone who is considering the least worst option at this point in time.

No it doesn’t. It makes you someone who is selfish and reckless.

I actually think that what is quite clear is that we either have lockdown or we don't, and at the moment we dont have clear guidelines.
yolopenguins the guidelines (or RULES, as it may help you to think of them) are clear.

One person's essential journey is seen as totally irrelevant by the next person. Everyone has reasons both ways.
What about do not travel and do not mix households is unclear. ‘Reasons’ are irrelevant.

So if the govt really wants to stop transmission they have to be absolutely clear about what is and isnt allowed.
Try reading the ‘guidelines’ (or RULES) again.

And this is why the rules will become even more restrictive because so many people think it is ok to do non essential journeys.

I would go get her OP.

Asking her to self isolate at home sounds reasonable as then she can't pass it to others in your household. That's what I would so anyway.

it’s really rude to tell OP ’Go and get her.’

It would be more polite to say:

I would go and get her.
Please go and get her.

Manners, people.

Really? That’s your main concern after reading this thread? 🙇‍♀️

I think it is too late

She left the decision too late and now it is against rules (law even?)

It is not the plague, it is not a disaster, she will be ok

You know really that it is not ok to get her now

Well I think most parents would go and get their child, if they were honest with themselves.

But it's clearly against the government guidelines and may well contribute to the spread of the disease, risking lives.

It's not about your family "taking the risk" either. If you need treatment you'll be putting the NHS under strain, risking lives.

My DH's cancer treatment is under threat because of how stretched the NHS is already in our area.

From Gov.uk

Stay at home
Only go outside for food, health reasons or work (but only if you cannot work from home)
If you go out, stay 2 metres (6ft) away from other people at all times
Wash your hands as soon as you get home
Do not meet others, even friends or family

The only ‘guideline’ there the OP, her DH and DD would be following would be ‘wash your hands’.

@Highonpotandused

Potatoes, potatoes. Maybe op shouldn’t go and get her due to her being registered in a different health board (presumably). Nevertheless, the way op is addressed is the least important part of all of this.

Can't believe how many people are encouraging the op to go and get her. Absolutely ludicrous (and I say that as a mum a couple of hundred miles away from my young adults dcs)

My daughter, also 24, was in an identical situation. She came home last week and spent 7 days upstairs, with no contact. We too were nervous. If your husband does pick her up, she should sit in the back of the car and open a window to allow for ventilation. This was advice given to me by a doctor friend, as we were originally going to pick her up. I have a feeling that my daughter has had the virus. Three weeks ago she had a cough, fever and sharp pains in her chest. I am so glad that she is with us. Like your daughter she was becoming very anxious and wanted to be at home. The tensions in the flat were escalating. Good luck and IMO I think that you are doing the right thing.

Well the only thing we can hope is that the North Yorkshire Police are out in sufficient numbers tomorrow that DH can be turned round and told to go home before he gets too far.

@AinJD Please rethink. We all have collective responsibility. We have to put aside individualism.

Your DD can work from home in London in safety. She’s not unsafe, just would prefer to be elsewhere.

NHS frontline have no choice - they can’t work from home and they need us to do the right thing.

IDSNeighbour

My 25 year old son (PhD student) lives in Edinburgh. He is working from home and he and his partner have mixed with no-one in at least a fortnight. She went home to the US today. He will be driving home to us on Monday. If he could not get home independently we would be driving to collect him.
Go get your daughter. This situation is too grim to be on your own miles away from the people who love you

**Why?? He's 25 and it's his home. Why on earth would he drive to you and risk passing something on to you or anyone else he meets on the way. Or picking up something on his journey. It's crazy (and way outside the 'rules').

Everyone is away from people they love right now. Millions of us are away from everyone we love. And it's horrible. But it's not going to kill us (severe mental or physical health issues aside and would count as an emergency). The virus might!**

@IDSNeighbour

That’s exactly what I thought when I read that pp. he’s Bludy 25 😳🙄😂

Actually I think this is most likely to be a wind up.

Make sure your husband or daughter wear a mask for the car ride.

OK.... I have 2 of my 3 DCs in London. 2 DDs. I worry endlessly about them. They are working from home, one essential, one just working.

One lives on her own. One has a flatmate. Both are in boroughs in the high end of infections. I think they'd probably like to be at home but they just know they can't. The minute they walk outside the door they are exposed to far far more than where I live which is a little village.

I think it's very wrong for posters to say 'go and get her'. What is the point of distancing if we do this?

My DH has had heart problems, he is over 70, I am mid 60s. It is very wrong for them to come home from London. They know this, I know this.

We make the best of it... constant cam calls, on whatsapp endlessly all day.

Whoever says... go and get her and make her isolate for 7 days. As if. That just won't happen. Your DD will not come back with your DH in a car, not have a hug with you, and go upstairs for 7 days plus and have nothing to do with you and your DH.

We have to think collectively and take a personal responsibility for ourselves and for the rest of humankind.

Leave her where she is.

I have an adult DC in a large city in the south. Similar age. He's welcome to come back home under any other circumstances but right now there is no way DH or I would be driving down to collect him.