Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

I think the people who, right now, are happy to bend these rules will realise just how serious the situation is in a couple of weeks.

Sadly, by then, it will be too late because it takes three weeks for infections to start being translated into the number of deaths.

I saw s really good analogy the other day.

If you knew that there was a mass murderer roaming around your town, killing people indiscriminately, what would you do? Would you be going out, letting your children out or would you keep everyone at home?

Every parent is going to say go and get her

Except the ones who understand social distancing, and not making unnecessary journeys. Which is quite a lot of parents, I assume. Many family members (and many partners) are missing each other and having to stay apart. I don't know why OP and her adult child feel themselves any less able to deal with this than the rest of us.

She never has explained why feels she should be exempt from the law.

Every parent is going to say go and get her

I’m a parent. I’m saying anyone who contemplated doing this isn’t as great a parent as they think they are.

I don’t know one person in my social circle who is attempting to justify not doing what they should because they’re different and it doesn’t apply to them. But then I don’t socialise with arseholes.

Not sure that's a helpful analogy, @Hearhoovesthinkzebras, because if there was a mass serial killer in my part of town I'd certainly be going back to my parents in the countryside!

You're ignoring the fact that the mass killer is everywhere - nowhere to escape to.

That's true, but in your analogy you said "If you knew that there was a mass murderer roaming around your town".

Hence why the analogy isn't helpful.

No one needs to shop daily. They can get by on a more limited diet for the minute.

Lockheart

Split hairs all you want.

Even if you stick to "your town" how do you leave your house to travel to the countryside without possibly exposing yourself to the killer?

I'm not splitting hairs, it's literally what you wrote. And it's really not applicable in the situation of someone driving several hundred miles to pick someone up during a viral epidemic.

Oh fgs, I’m sure we all knew what hear meant

Every parent is going to say go and get her

Only those who for some unknown reason thinks the rules don’t apply to them. Everyone else will not. This is a 24 year old woman that lives and works in London ffs not some 10 year old kid stranded at Granny’s.

It's very applicable - every time you leave your house you risk being exposed to the killer.

People would not be quite so desperate to shop every day or take their kids to the park if this killer was a gun man picking people off randomly. Strange that they feel invulnerable to this killer.

@hearhoovesthinkzebras

It's because they think it won't hit them and they just don't care about anyone else suffering.

This is what we're up against as a nation.

Just look at how many utterly selfish, self-absorbed MNers there are on this thread.

No fucks given.

”Every parent is going to say go and get her.”

I am a parent - of children similar in age to the OP’s, and I am not saying go and get her’.

DowntownAbby

Exactly. By the time it is affecting them it will be too late.

@Wannago
But even if your DC were managing to only shop once a week (presumably they can survive on two cartons of milk a week and two potatoes - remember the amounts are limited)

They do only shop once a week or less. They only have themselves to feed and both in the past before all this, bought from chinese supermarkets rice and noodles and such like, so are well stocked. They both have veg boxes delivered weekly and have freezers.

No, they do NOT make dozens and dozens of journeys and won;t be before June. You might. They don;t need to.

They are staying put, thinking of others, being very careful, missing their home but wanting to do the right thing. We live middle of nowhere with no cases close... they are very conscious of that and don't want to jeopardise anything. Trying to do the same in London too. One hasn't been out for a week.

Get her before you’re not able to. If the lockdown gets more serious you’ll be too late.

But if my DH who is fit, healthy, active and working gets sick enough to need a ventilator he may be denied it because he is over 70. He has done what has been asked and has not left the house for over 2 weeks. I'm absolutely worried sick about it and terrified of him getting ill

We are in exactly the same position, my DH is 70 and added to that has had heart problems. He isn't going out for however long this takes, except to walk round the field next to us. He would be bottom of the queue if there was a ventilator shortage. So to counterract that, we have to extra precautions.

Also... I wonder with the OP... surely her NDNs wouldn't think much of the DD who is an adult, suddenly in their midst from London. I know my NDNs would not be happy if mine came home now. Two are doctors, and two are very frail. And do we really know the inubation period of this horrible virus?

I think its hard for young people however your daughter should have seen sense and come home before the lockdown. Its not good enough now to say she feels lonely.

Will she stay inside for 2-3 weeks and not go out at all when she gets back?

And distance herself from all of you. Because that is what she will have to do.

How is that better than her freedom at the moment where she can go for a walk, exercise and shop if absolutely essential, and have video, zoom catchups?

What if she comes home and you get severely ill? How will she feel then?

Is her mental health at high risk staying where she is?

In any case op the police have started making car checks and pulling people over to check if the journey is essential.

Get her before you’re not able to. If the lockdown gets more serious you’ll be too late

The lockdown is now in case you haven't noticed. No journeys like this allowed.

There are road blocks in certain places. Wish there were more.

I would go pick her up because I would be afraid she got seriously ill in her flat with no one to help her - calling for medical help/giving paracetamol and water to control temperature etc. I would tell her to self isolate for 7days in her room but I would want to know she was well.

Surely that's what the internet is for?

We whatsapp as a family. We have video calls. We play competitions on zoom with other families. We are in constant touch. But we don't have to physically be in the same room.
..
When my eldest DD possibly had the virus, I was in constant contact, we spoke, we messaged etc

What about Mum getting seriously ill from bringing home the virus from London? Or siblings? Or Dad?

alphabetti she’s not on her own, she has two flat mates.

And still the people post who think that this is acceptable.

I’d go & get her. It’s scary times & she wants to be with her family.