Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

I'm far from special, I wipe my a s s like the rest of you!
The guidelines apply to everyone. Of course they do but I'll say it again. I would go. I would consider it an essential journey to save deterioration of my daughters mental health if isolated alone.
Again I know it's not what you want to hear but it's the truth. I won't retract it.

The guidelines apply to everyone. Of course they do but I'll say it again. I would go. I would consider it an essential journey to save deterioration of my daughters mental health if isolated alone

Then you clearly think they don’t apply to you. The guidelines don’t consider it an essential journey.

Please tell me you don’t live in the north. I would imagine there’s various other guidelines you think you’re too good for.

so as a nurse you'd take yourself out of work (thereby reducing nursing capacity when its most needed) to self isolate after collecting your daughter, or you'd continue to work not knowing if you were now asymptomatic and increasing the rate of infection?

I can't get over this part of the OP's reply:
It only takes one or two overly personally nasty comments to render the whole thing useless.

Why?

Why are you making decisions according to whether people give you good feels or not?

The virus doesn't care.

I can understand asking around for factual input, and perspective. Eg I've been able to share that article from the epidemiologist. I can also understand just needing to think aloud to work through your emotions. For work through them you must.

But "I'll spread the virus because someone was rude to me..."

Nope, can't compute that.

The guidelines apply to everyone. Of course they do but I'll say it again. I would go.

Contradiction right here. This is exactly what I mean by cognitive dissonance.

I would consider it an essential journey to save deterioration of my daughters mental health if isolated alone

You’d be lying to yourself. There’s a lot of that going on it seems.

@damnitnotlistening

I'm far from special, I wipe my a s s like the rest of you!
The guidelines apply to everyone. Of course they do but I'll say it again. I would go. I would consider it an essential journey to save deterioration of my daughters mental health if isolated alone.
Again I know it's not what you want to hear but it's the truth. I won't retract it.

If you're going to type ass then type it instead of this a s s nonsense.

I get wanting to go, I do. My mental health is becoming worse, I've not seen another human in person for a week. I understand the compulsion BUT I am also aware that my mental health would be worse if I went to my parents and something happened to them. I would have no way of knowing if I passed it on or not. If your DD as poor mental health then it's something to consider.

But "I'll spread the virus because someone was rude to me..."

Nope, can't compute that.

I had some sympathy with the OP until she said that and then I got such insight into her character in that one comment.

I hate the way that ‘mental health’ is being bandied about as an excuse to do what you like on these threads. People have very real mental health issues and they are being trivialised every time a poster uses the catch-all of mental health as a reason to flout the rules. Not every episode of being a bit upset because you can’t do just as you please can be classified under mental health.

to all those doing the right thing, and keeping in touch by phone and Facetime with the people they'd really just love to enfold in a hug.

I know it's tough.

Thank you.

I didn't say I was right! I said I was being honest.

The guidelines says essential journeys are for work, supermarket and exercise locally. Picking up a family member a few hours' away is not. You are entitled to say you would do it but people are entitled to say this is against the guidelines. A bit surprising to hear this coming from a nurse. Putting colleagues and people she cares at risk when a adult daughter should well be able to take care of herself. Mind you all of us who rightly stay at home are or will all be developing mental health issues, and not just your loved one will, if the lockdown keeps being prolonged because of irresponsible behaviour from peope who don't follow guidelines.

She’s been nowhere but the park and corner shop for over a week

Jesus fucking CHRIST. I've heard this ridiculous kind of tripe from others too.

That's ok then. Because corner shops in London are exempt from corona. Idiots. So. Many. Idiots.

Hey everyone I’m suffering, I can’t see my parents / kids / family for reasons that don’t apply here, but I’m pretending (to myself as well) that they do...so that means you shouldn’t get to see your kid either, or it’s not fair.

I’m following the ‘law’ the way I follow all rules - blindly and without reason, because that makes me feel superior.

I know the words in the ‘law’ are loose and create a lot of grey area, but I, and I alone am able to define what is and isn’t an essential journey

Therefore I am raging at the people who would get their child.

@DowntownAbby @Roussette @LaurieMarlow

Do you think you should perhaps take a break from Mumsnet for your own wellbeing. You're lashing out left and right which must be causing you stress and you're probably causing others distress.

People know the guidelines, we don't need you to try and enforce them.

People know the guidelines, we don't need you to try and enforce them

Clearly they do if they’re stupid enough to think the guidelines don’t apply to them....

I think some people are enjoying the opportunity to be bossy and unpleasant.

I said I was being honest.

Yes you have been honest. And there is value in honesty.

I wonder if other people’s honest reactions to you have given you any pause for thought?

I would go. I would consider it an essential journey to save deterioration of my daughters mental health if isolated alone.

You seem to be confusing your situation with the op's Damnitnotlistening. The op says her dd wants to come home because life isn't normal at the moment, she wants more space, and she'll somehow feel safer with family.

The op's dd isn't isolating alone - the op says she has 2 flat mates.

Do you think you should perhaps take a break from Mumsnet for your own wellbeing

I’m not into this kind of thread policing by stealth. Report our posts if you think there’s anything wrong with them.

As all this was building, I and DH had wavering moments about whether our young adult DCs in London should come home. Then time went on and lockdown happened so any window of opportunity was missed.

However, before lockdown and indeed after, they both said "Mum, I just don't think we should. I would feel absolutely horrible if I brought something home to you or to XXXX (where we live)"

That told me all I needed to know about what sort of children I have. I was sad. But so so proud of them.

Yeahsurewhatever

ODFOD.

blindly and without reason

People are following the rules to stop the spread, THAT is the reason. Look at other countries.

I know the words in the ‘law’ are loose and create a lot of grey area, but I, and I alone am able to define what is and isn’t an essential journey

The government and the experts have defined it. Not us. Being loose with this means further spread, more deaths, more time before getting back to normal and possible further restrictions.

I’m not entirely convinced this is real. I believe it’s likely to an attempt to wind everyone up.

Go and have a cup of tea and forget about this thread would be my advice.

To those of you that said “ go and get your girl “ have a think on. FFS.

@JosephineKarlsson

Just how patronising can one person be?

Please link to my lashing out. I have no idea what you're on about. I am all for following the rules, and not endangering others. If that's lashing out because it doesn't fit in with your way of thinking, you're far too sensitive for a forum.

If you wish to report any of my posts, feel free. Nowhere have I been rude or unpleasant.

P.S. my mental wellbeing is fine thanks for your concern.

*As all this was building, I and DH had wavering moments about whether our young adult DCs in London should come home. Then time went on and lockdown happened so any window of opportunity was missed.

However, before lockdown and indeed after, they both said "Mum, I just don't think we should. I would feel absolutely horrible if I brought something home to you or to XXXX (where we live)"*

Exactly the same scenario with us. Just as well they had some sense as they've since developed symptoms. They keep reminding me how sensible they were to ignore my efforts to come to us pre-lockdown.