Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

Bluejuicyapple - Wtf?!

Op- I don’t understand why everyone is telling you to go and get her; HAVE THEY NOT BEEN READING THE NEWS??!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhh

@Medievalist I'd go because it would be my instinct to protect my daughter from anything and I mean anything. I would walk if I had to.
I would want her with her family. We don't know how long this is going to last.
I would worry so much about her mental health declining if she were left alone.
If she were to get COVID-19 I would want her with me so I could ensure she has all she needs.
There's a thousand reasons why but I guess it boils down to maternal instinct.

I think some people don't know what lockdown is for. Of course go to get her - why wouldn't you? Just don't meet all your friends in the park on the way.

If they all fully isolate for 14 days after the DD has come home, then surely the risk is contained & therefore it's ok to have gone & gotten her?

There's a thousand reasons why but I guess it boils down to maternal instinct

Which doesn’t trump national guidelines. You’re not special.

If they all fully isolate for 14 days after the DD has come home, then surely the risk is contained & therefore it's ok to have gone & gotten her?

The guidelines suggest very clearly otherwise.

@Morgan12
But how is this so bad if she will be isolating for seven days upon arrival?

She isn't moving home and then going out to spread to anyone? She will literally be locked in her room.

I'm honestly not being goady here, I genuinely would like to know the risk in this situation.

You seriously can't see the risk? Is the husband going to be locked in the same room as her on return home? If not, he will infect the OP. All of them will need to self-isolate for 14 days, not 7. Including, for the avoidance of all doubt, OP, her H and DD. That's no going to their local shops or the park once 'safely' back in NYorks for any of them because I can't see OP staying away from DD or H once they've returned from London.

And on the trip there and back - CV19 stays on metal up to 7 days, that's door handles, petrol pump handles and railings, on cardboard for 24 hours, that's pizza boxes and prescription boxes, are they not getting out of the car for petrol or the loo on either outward or return journey?

You're maybe not meaning to be goady, but you're coming across as someone who can't think straight. Sadly like the many on here saying break all the current rules and go to get her.

i guess it boils down to maternal instinct.

Which you have a duty to overcome in the current crisis. She’s 24, not a child.

Actions like this WILL lead to more deaths. Like for example the 30 something ICU nurse who died near me the other day leaving 2 small children behind.

But you clearly don’t give a shit about the deaths.

It’s true that this crisis will show people’s true colours

LaurieMarlow. My name here does not appear appropriate at this time but I don't know how to change it. I'll go look

North Yorkshire is largely rural in places. The number of ICU beds is tiny in comparison.

The OP is willing to go get her daughter from London, the most badly affected area of the country, who has been out and bring her to NY. Passing service stations, then potentially infecting people. I’m damn sure the OP will expect medical treatment if they do get it - which then puts the front line health staff even more at risk.

It’s a morally abject decision. And one which proves the OP cares little about the numbers dying.

If this question had been asked a week ago, the response would have been different.
Since last Monday the advice has been different and as such so should the responses.
The person is question here is 24, presumably living independently until now. They would like to return to the family home. Since last Monday this hasn’t been an option. They have missed their chance.
It’s unfortunate but that’s the way it is for the time being.

@damnitnotlistening
@Medievalist I'd go because it would be my instinct to protect my daughter from anything and I mean anything. I would walk if I had to.
I would want her with her family. We don't know how long this is going to last.
If she were to get COVID-19 I would want her with me so I could ensure she has all she needs.
There's a thousand reasons why but I guess it boils down to maternal instinct.

There are millions of reasons why she should stay where she is - that's all the millions of other people in London and Yorkshire and along the way . It's precisely because we don't know how long it's going to last we all need to follow the rules. And it's going to last a lot longer if we don't!

There's a thousand reasons why but I guess it boils down to maternal instinct

Oh do give over. Are you saying that those who are abiding by the rules don't have maternal instincts? BS.

I want my DCs here with me. However they are in some of the worst boroughs in London so for my sake, my DHs sake, my village and all the NHS workers in my part of the country, they aren't coming here.

My maternal instinct is in overdrive. But people like you are why there are going to be stricter isolation rules. Thanks for that

I think some people don't know what lockdown is for. Of course go to get her - why wouldn't you? Just don't meet all your friends in the park on the way
What a stupid selfish post. Why wouldn't you? For all the millions of reasons that's been stated endlessly on this thread, that's why. Did you clap the NHS workers on Thursday? If so, you're a total hypocrite

Yeah... go pick her up... stop at the services, buy some chocolate, go to the loo, spread the virus from London, call in to see Granny on the way home, have a family meal, who cares...

@damnitnotlistening

So basically you're saying you're a more loving mum than those of us with dcs in London who aren't flouting the new rules?

And you would walk if you had to? What does that even mean? It's nonsensical as presumably if you could walk to get your adult dd she could walk to you. Or is it just another way of signalling the strength of your maternal instinct.

Does your maternal instinct really trump the health and lives of others?

Go and get her while you can. We are under very strict lockdown now in New Zealand and although they gave out a warning a week prior telling everybody to make their way home, many didn’t and are now legally unable to travel across the country

Lol. I gave an honest answer. I didn't say I was right but despite your vile replies I'd do it. I do care about the dying. I'm a nurse. I tell you now my family comes first. My answer remains the same! My daughter would not be left to isolate alone.

Your DH should surely isolate too and both of them for 14 days not 7.

Go and get her while you can

Except she can’t as the guidelines NOT TO are incredibly clear.

It's not about self isolating, otherwise all the people with second homes in Devon and Cornwall would be equally justified in saying they're going to be self isolating when they get there. It's about staying at home and not spreading the virus, which is what we've all been asked to do.

Excellent article from another thread, by an epidemiologist at Yale.

Hold the Line.
The basic mechanics of this mathematical principle dictate that even if there is only a little bit of additional connection between groups (i.e. social dinners, playdates, unnecessary trips to the store, etc.), the epidemic likely won’t be much different than if there was no measure in place. The same underlying fundamentals of disease transmission apply, and the result is that the community is left with all of the social and economic disruption but very little public health benefit. [...]

Seemingly small social chains get large and complex with alarming speed. If your son visits his girlfriend, and you later sneak over for coffee with a neighbor, your neighbor is now connected to the infected office worker that your son’s girlfriend’s mother shook hands with. This sounds silly, it’s not. This is not a joke or hypothetical. We as epidemiologists see it borne out in the data time and time again. Conversely, any break in that chain breaks disease transmission along that chain. [...]

It is hard (even for me) to conceptualize how on a population level ‘one quick little get together’ can undermine the entire framework of a public health intervention, but it can. I promise you it can. I promise. I promise. I promise. You can’t cheat it. People are already itching to cheat on the social distancing precautions just a “little”- a short playdate, a quick haircut, or picking up a needless item from the store. From a transmission dynamics standpoint, this very quickly recreates a highly connected social network that undermines much of the good work our communities have done thus far.
elemental.medium.com/hold-the-line-17231c48ff17

(Author seems to check out: medicine.yale.edu/profile/jonathan_p_smith/).

@Lockeddownliving
Go and get her while you can. We are under very strict lockdown now in New Zealand and although they gave out a warning a week prior telling everybody to make their way home, many didn’t and are now legally unable to travel across the country

We are too, the time for going to get her has passed. They would be breaking the law now, it's deemed an unnecessary journey. Food and meds only.

damnitnotlistening

Ahhhh right. So the rules don't apply to you, only us mugs who have a collective responsibility for others. Your family comes first and overrides that. Glad you explained.
Selfish

Imagine if every other person in this country were like you? In fact I don't want to imagine that, it's too frightening.

I was thinking this the other day, if this happened when I was single in my 20s id have definitely gone home.
Enjoy the time together x

I do care about the dying. I'm a nurse

You don’t though. Not enough.

You care enough to say the right thing, make noises.

You don’t care enough to make difficult decisions and put your own selfish needs second.

Your level of ‘caring’ doesn’t get anyone anywhere. You’re just coming across as a hypocrite.