Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

But how is this so bad if she will be isolating for seven days upon arrival?

She isn't moving home and then going out to spread to anyone? She will literally be locked in her room.

I'm honestly not being goady here, I genuinely would like to know the risk in this situation.

@Rosieposy4
That is an essential journey to me. You are delivering a frontline medical healthworker to where they are needed. Definitely drive him to cut down on infection risk. Try to give him food and supplies and everything he needs to to have in as he will not have any time in the first few days to get anything at all.

Your son deserves all the help he can get at the moment .

Get her. Have her self isolate in the house for 7 days.
Give her lots of love and attention but just not in physical proximity.

NO! YOU DO NOT.!!!
What is the point in the entire country being told to observe this lockdown that nobody wants but that we need to save lives. How many people do you think would give anything to be able to spend an afternoon with loved ones in care homes, relatives including children living elsewhere, but they don't because they do not want to put lives at risk.
Whilst I sympathise you also have to understand that your situation is not unique and ok if one person did this the risk may be minimal but if everybody decided that it was ok then thousands of additional people will die.
What I suggest you do is contact the police and ask them, and while you're on ask the staff at your nearest hospital and if they say "yes of course" then go for it. Their response will probably not be publishable.
If you do decide to break the new law and risk lives (because this is not an ESSENTIAL trip) then why not celebrate by having a huge street barbecue and invite all your family and friends along. You may as well.
Sorry if this all sounds a bit brutal. It's because it is. I am related to vulnerable people who could die as a result of people doing stuff like this.
STAY AT HOME FFS!!

I meant 14 days. And whoever travels to get her. And have tbe entire house stay in for 14 days.

I'm not much older, at 26. I would love nothing more than to be at my family home for lockdown but have not because 1. It is a non essential journey and 2. We have clearly been told not to mix households, even if that means not seeing parents.

I don't think you should go against very clear guidelines. Imagine if everyone did that.

I haven't RTFT but I don't think you should get her. Why should the rules be different for you? We're all separated from our loved ones but we're doing it to protect them and to stop them dying. Your daughter might be asymptomatic carrier, so even after her seven-day isolation (should really be 14, using separate bathroom etc) she could start going about her business and infect people in your town, which is what happened in Italy. If she has somewhere to sleep and access to food, she should stay where she is, as hard as that may be.

Every other thread on here is militant about following government orders exactly yet this is deemed to be acceptable.

I find this bizarre too.

I really hesitate to say this because I know I would want to go and get her . Unfortunately, even if all family members self isolate for 14 days to they make sure to put no-one else at risk and don' get out of the car etc, if someone gets ill in that two weeks then one of them could end up in hospital, which adds to the pressure on the NHS that we are trying to avoid.

My colleagues are dying because of your attitudes

How many of your colleagues - ie people you personally work alongside - have died?

How can you attribute that to "attitudes" when they are actually being killed by a virus and the government's inadequacy in providing PPE.

Plus, THIS.

I am a NHS frontline worker as is my husband and many of my friends. I am so incensed and saddened by the attitude of the majority of people on this thread that I feel I no longer want to be a part of mumsnet. Do you have any concept of 'stay at home, stay safe'? You obviously have a better knowledge of epidemiology than I do having worked as a doctor for the best part of 30 years. There will be more draconian measures in place for longer now if people do not abide by the rules. My colleagues are dying because of your attitudes. People just don't get it.

Hi all.

It looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to update.

We've had a number of reports about this thread and will go through it to remove some of the worst personal attacks.

We'd also like to give a gentle reminder of our Talk Guidelines.

We really do understand that these are uncertain times - and feelings are naturally running high, but we must ask that you please always aim for civility on the boards.

Peace and love,
MNHQ

Actually, on reflection, she's 24. I'd provide regular moral support and advice by phone,WhatsApp or whatever. But she's not a baby. She should stay where she is.

But how is this so bad if she will be isolating for seven days upon arrival?

Because ...

it’s supposed to be 14 days

No mention of DH isolating too, he’ll have been in a car with her for hours

Does the OP really have the facilities for two people to isolate properly?

Are they really going to be able to drive back with no contact with anyone/anything? No loo breaks/petrol?

What if she already has it and will need treatment in that time, putting extra pressure on resources in the area and putting local HC workers at greater risk?

I live alone. I literally have not spoken to another human person (other than on the phone) in a week. I'm incredibly lonely. My parents live a 7 minute bus ride away. I could walk to them in 30 minutes.

I wont because it's incredibly selfish and would put all of us at risk. I love them enough not to go and see them.

Go get her, but she stays put until the end of restrictions. Fetching young adults is allowed, they specifically mentioned university students but all shared housing situations are similar.

It looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to update.

Great. People being actually driven off the site now. Now that is shameful.

She needs to stay where she is.

The OP flounced when people told her that yes, the rules also apply to her.

No as hard as it is you can’t. This is one of the reasons the virus is continuing the spread.
The rules apply to everyone. Yet lots of people are looking for a loophole for because their case of exceptional or different. She’s 24 not a child.

@MichaelMumsnet

Instead of burying your head in the sand and deleting posts, why aren't MNHQ repeatedly posting the government guidance on threads like this to reiterate to the stupid that moving between households is not allowed?

You have had DCMO Dr Jennie Harries on for a live web chat to talk about Coronavirus to your members - time she could have really done without wasting - and yet you are doing absolutely nothing to promote or reiterate the guidance, whilst providing a platform for people to spread misinformation and appallingly bad advice around behaviour during this crisis.

You have a duty to help get the message across but you're doing nothing.

Why?

You have a duty to help get the message across

Yes. Absolutely.

So we have just exchanged one journey from London to Yorkshire in car, for daily journeys out in London to shop (and in London they do need to be almost daily, there is not enough food in the shops for less frequently)
Don't agree. Neither my two DCs in London shop daily for food. Weekly or less. So that is not true. Absolutely not.

My two, living in two different places have, between them,probably between 30 or 40 friends (school friends, Uni friends etc) ... maybe more... who are in the same position. Singletons living with flatmates, or living on their own. NOT ONE OF THEM have moved back home after lockdown. They are doing what they should be doing - not mixing households.

All these MNers on here saying 'go get her'. Why do you think it is OK apart from missing your adult child? What is the reasoning for breaking the rules set out by the Chief Medical Officer and the Government... apart from it's my child and I'll do what I want?

So are people telling me that on this journey from London to Yorkshire, the two of them won't stop at services to go to the loo? As soon as the DD gets home she will go to a room on her own, keeping 6ft away from Mum, siblings, Dad and stay in that room for 14 days, having foot left outside the door? I find it laughable that anyone on here thinks that'll happen. The night she gets home I betcha she'll be sat with Mum and Dad and siblings (if there are any) have a family meal.

If all my DC's 30 or 40 friends in London went home... imagine that? Bringing the virus to towns, cities and villages near you. Yet no one who says 'yes, go get her' can justify to me the reason why breaking the guidelines is ok.

I know it’s a pointless response since OP has left, but she’s not the only one thinking this. 2 days ago my mum drove into central London to pick up my 27(!) year old younger sister who had decided that actually she’d rather lockdown with my mum than stay in a flat with her boyfriend. I tried to dissuade them but DM genuinely couldn’t understand why it wasn’t “essential travel”. My DH is frontline NHS and I’m really struggling now to keep the lines of communication with my DM open given my disgust at how she’s behaved.

The night she gets home I betcha she'll be sat with Mum and Dad and siblings (if there are any) have a family meal.

Presumably it’ll be happening tonight