Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

If you change the question to 'my dd has Coronavirus and wants us to bring her home from London to N Yorkshire' would the 'go get your girl' brigade still be saying the same thing?

Because it's quite possible that she does have it but is asymptomatic and could:
Infect her father
Leave the car contaminated
Infect someone if she needs a loo break on the journey home
Infect family members en route to her isolation room
Infect family members even though she's in isolation (someone will be collecting her dishes etc)

I feel quite angry that the unwillingness of so many people to accept that the rules apply to everyone means that we'll end up with even stricter rules, the virus will be harder to contain, many more people will die. And I will have to wait even longer to see my adult dcs.

I’m not clear why she would isolate in your home
She will have been in a car with DH for hours
Will he also isolate?
Why 7 days. It’s 14 if no symptoms isn’t it?

Will you be scrubbing bathroom and all lights and door handles every time they go to shower or wee? What about food?
Where will their washing go? Are they just not going to leave their rooms for 7 days - no going outside even to the garden?

Seems unlikely you’re going to do this properly so why make everyone’s life harder and more missable

Also not clear why you wouldn’t go? What do you think might happen if you go?

The instructions re travel are there for a reason.

Having read more of this thread I see the fear is being selfish and putting other people in harm.
But if neither of them are getting out the car
Then I don’t see it increasing the risk to the general public??
Plus surely better if she was sick to have people around to care for her, than her trying to get to shops and spreading / clogging up an nhs bed because she can’t get food etc for herself and has gotten more ill.

I'd go and get her, no question.

So would i

I'd go and get her, no question.

Why?

@Medievalist

I was speaking about how I would feel really, without actually thinking about the issues. My DDs are adopted and have attachment issues hence we've always been very protective of them.

Also, how is it different from all the British people being brought back to the UK by plane, when that could infect any number of people on the way? They could stay where they are and travel back to the UK afterwards. They'll be infecting far more people potentially than a parent driving to pick an adult child up, waiting in the car without getting out of the car and bringing their child back in the car.

I guess it's because we're thinking as human beings not as robots, and so our answers sometimes come from the heart rather than the head.

Or maybe it's because I'm suffering from insomnia as a result of the unpleasant symptoms I'm experiencing at the moment (cough, chest pain and nausea).

@Mittens030869

It's sad that so many people are unable to think altruistically but are only concerned with what they want for their immediate families. There seems to be a strong suggestion from some posters that this makes them better, more caring parents. Maybe it does.

I don't know what's happening to people being brought back to the uk. I thought they would be quarantined as people were a few weeks ago. But I don't know. However, the oft used defence that something wrong or undesirable is happening elsewhere so why shouldn't I do it is a very poor one.

As I said only a few posts down - it's not as simple as sitting in a car. There are risks - especially if she already has the virus.

As you can see, I'm also suffering from insomnia - caused by anxiety over my adult dcs, one of whom has I think had CV and another who has been displaying symptoms including a very high temperature, chest pain and nausea.

I have had breathing difficulties myself a couple of times, due to my airways having been blocked by mucus that I couldn't cough up, and being too tired to clear. I'm suffering from nausea now hence my insomnia.

I'd have probably given the correct answer rationally on another day (it's been my DD1's 11th birthday and she has attachment issues and SEN). Whereas of course the reality is that I myself would be at serious risk of catching it right now (there's no certainty that I have COVID-19, it could be pneumonia, which I had last year). Plus, there's the issue that putting my own health at risk wouldn't exactly be the best way to support either of our DDs.

I understand your anxiety about your DC, these are very difficult times.

If someone goes to collect, that is 2 journeys

If she travels home that is one journey

Current advise is no, non essential travel

I'm glad that my DD1 came out (from London) to us a couple of days before lockdown.

Yes, I would go and get her. That would be because I would find it impossible to say that my children weren't welcome with me, no matter what the reason.

Just as well that I haven't ended up in that situation.

I'm really surprised so many people think that this is ok.

Ideally we'd all be seeing family members that live away but we can't.

If everyone did this there would be massive spread. Why do some people think that they are the exception?

Would your whole household self isolate for 14 days? Would your dd be sharing a bathroom with you all? If not - very irresponsible and makes a mockery of all the work that others are doing.
Did you go outside and clap for the nhs?

Not commenting on what you should do but can you please stop saying "she isn't ill" like that makes any difference.

How do you know, has she been tested?

That's the whole point - carriers may be asymptomatic hence spreading it around. Getting really sick of some people not understanding this.

I know you've said she can quarantine on arrival at your house so it's your call.

However, I only just realised how truly poisonous these kinds of places are

What’s ‘poisonous’ about saying yes, the lock down rules apply to your family too?

we really were looking for strength to do the right thing. It only takes one or two overly personally nasty comments to render the whole thing useless

I find this insidious. What are you saying, that because people are mean, it’s their fault if you cave and do it? You’ve got to own your actions.

or admit that there’s something bothering her so much that she really can’t stay.

I’m not sure what that would be. The CMO didnt mention mitigating circumstances that made unnecessary journeys ok.

I get that this is very hard. If you’re going to fetch her, at least be honest with yourself about what you’re doing and the implications.

No more responses needed, thank you.

The house behind mine ( Northern seaside resort) was sold to.people from London over six months ago. I believe the intention is to live there full time. I have only seen them there on the odd weekend but all of a sudden they appear to be there full time .It seems odd to suddenly move when you can't even familiarise yourself with the area. I guess they are trying to escape the virus but at the moment the numbers are quite low here. All our businesses will have to take the hit of not being able to open up at Easter, to stop the virus, so it will be harsh if the virus is spread by people "escaping" here . This is the reason there are so many cases in Cumbria.

Sorry, didn’t mean to quote that last line.

I am a NHS frontline worker as is my husband and many of my friends
I am so incensed and saddened by the attitude of the majority of people on this thread that I feel I no longer want to be a part of mumsnet
Do you have any concept of 'stay at home, stay safe'?
You obviously have a better knowledge of epidemiology than I do having worked as a doctor for the best part of 30 years
There will be more draconian measures in place for longer now if people do not abide by the rules
My colleagues are dying because of your attitudes.
People just don't get it

I can't believe the responses on here. She's a 24 year old woman. Of course you shouldn't go and get her. What's the difference between her leaving London and the families heading down to Cornwall.

On other threads people are frothing at the mouth at the idea of someone over 70 going out for a paper and here many are advocating someone driving hundreds of miles to pick up an adult in their 20s.

I can't get my head around this. Stay at home!

My dad went to get my sister in a similar situation. Was before kick down but he was getting really worried / stressed about her

It’s bizarre how many people think it’s fine to do this. It’s directly against what we’ve been told to do, for very good reason. Every other thread on here is militant about following government orders exactly yet this is deemed to be acceptable. It’s not comparable to bringing people home from overseas. People overseas can find themselves with no access to medical treatment, money etc etc. She’s safe and well where she is.

Yanbu for wanting to but this exactly what happened in Italy when hundreds of students went home, south. Now look what's happened. So difficult, I appreciate but I really wouldnt.

I don't think there's anything wrong a about going, IF you ALL self isolate together for 14 days after. I.e. no shops and parks. Because she could easily have it and be asymptomatic and you could get in on day 1 from her. Anything else is not fair on the rest of North Yorkshire.

Yes I would go and get her.

Personally, I think it's not worth the risk, non essential journeys are against guidelines.

However I appreciate I'm saying this from an objective viewpoint and realise it's not easy to say 'no, we're not getting you.'