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Original poster

Daughter 24 wants to come home

762 replies

AinJD · 28/03/2020 20:55

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

OP posts:
InspirationUnavailable · 28/03/2020 23:48

Also in N Yorks with adult dc in big cities far away. I’m glad they haven’t asked to come home as I couldn’t bring myself to say no despite knowing it’s completely the wrong thing to do. As it happens, they themselves understand the risks of coming to a small community from a big city, potentially bringing the virus with them, far outweighs the benefits of them not having to live in slightly poky flatshares for a few months. Keep in regular contact and support her in staying put. This will pass, and likely far quicker if we follow the guidelines that are there for our collective safety.

And yes, as a pp has pointed out there are spot checks happening in the area on vehicles to ensure that non-essential journeys aren’t been made.

InspirationUnavailable · 28/03/2020 23:50

Apologies, not sure if my post fully conveyed that I would not go and get her. I appreciate the difficult position you’re in, and am glad my DC made the decision to stay put and that I don’t have to make this choice.

ASandwichNamedKevin · 28/03/2020 23:50

@Roussette the actions of you and your grown up children mean you should be proud of them and the clear conscience from not spreading the virus around the country.
I know that's not something valued by everyone on this thread, which truly saddens me. But as I have a family member working in ICU with coronavirus patients I wish more people would. I have other relatives working in hospitals being trained to work in the wards.

@Noti23
Go and get her. It’s your decision as a family because no one else is at risk from your dp collection her in the car and returning straight home. I wish I could go to my mum’s right now.

Noti I wish you could safely go to your mum's and the same for the OP's daughter, but it's not possible. Other people could be at risk from the DH collecting her because she may pass coronavirus to her dad who passes it to her mum who passes it to someone in their local shop and so on. And someone, somewhere will have a daughter or son working on the frontline to tend to these people. And not all of these frontline workers will make it.

Aurignacian · 28/03/2020 23:51

I am not utterly selfish! I am a frontline worker and have worked almost 24/7 for the last few weeks planning services for the most vulnerable people in our society.

If she is picked up by her dad, who doesn’t stop anywhere, and she isolates for an appropriate time, I think it’s low risk.

Elaine1985 · 28/03/2020 23:52

My daughter was in quarantine at uni when she and her flat mates all caught swine flu. I felt so helpless, we couldn't go and get her, food and medication were delivered, and they had a medical check every day. Luckily all three of them were OK, One of my work colleagues caught it and died.
If I could have brought her home I would have.

Roussette · 28/03/2020 23:52

I just hope that more stringent checks will be in place asap.

In Spain you couldn't do this.

Road blocks. One person in a car at any one time with NO exceptions.

Special permissions to go anywhere that isn't a necessary journey. I know someone who was fined 200 euros when the Guardia Civil stopped them to check where they'd been. The supermarket. Fine. Except all they had in their shopping bags was beer and crisps. Unnecessary journey. Fine.

Let's do this and stop this nonsense of picking up kids from all over the country and spreading this horrible infection.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2020 23:53

But higher risk than NOT getting her, @Aurignacian.

RedGirl99 · 28/03/2020 23:56

Honestly, I don't think you needed to come here to ask for this advice - do what you need to do for your family and take every precaution necessary but be prepared for potential consequences.

People can berate for you for being 'disgusting' or 'selfish' etc., but probably didn't think twice about packing out the supermarkets to fight over loo roll a couple of weeks ago Hmm

Roussette · 28/03/2020 23:57

@ASandwichNamedKevin
Thank you. Yes, they do have a good sense of responsibility most of the time
One is younger and lives on her own, bless her, and I do worry about her but she keeps saying 'I'm fine Mum, don't worry'. We speak all the time and we'll get through this, she knows that.

If I could have brought her home I would have

Does that mean even if the Government told you not to, you would?

Aurignacian · 28/03/2020 23:59

Appropriate quarantine for all will eliminate risk. Only the op knows if that will be possible in her situation.

whatagonnahappennow · 29/03/2020 00:00

I'd get my girl, without hesitation.

pjmask · 29/03/2020 00:00

Yes I would bring her home, but I would make it clear that the isolation was essential and non negotiable. I would add that turning up now rather than 7 days ago was poor planning on her part and the risk that she had placed on you and your dh

Wow, you sound lovely

Roussette · 29/03/2020 00:00

Haha... if anyone thinks a 24 year old would come home and stay in her bedroom for two weeks without coming out, they're deluded.

AltheaVestr1t · 29/03/2020 00:01

11 pages here and I haven’t rtft, I imagine that tensions are high and I am all for doing the right thing, I am following lock down rules very tightly. However - if one of my children wanted to come home and be safe at home I would go and get them in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

Roussette · 29/03/2020 00:04

OK... seems to me the majority are go and get her. I'm shocked. Totally and utterly taken aback that so many MNers on here don't take a blind bit of notice of no travelling except for chemists and supermarkets. I've been on here 16 or could be 17 years, I thought we were more sensible. Obviously not.

Let's just spread it about shall we. London is the hotspot at the moment. Other towns will follow going by this thread.

Jourdain11 · 29/03/2020 00:05

Have to say, I was in London, single and in a house share, and just a bit younger than OP's daughter when there was the swine flu outbreak.

Of course there was no lock down and social distancing, but you would literally have had to have paid me to get me to go to the family home Wink

Actually, forget payment - kidnap would have been the only way!

ineedaholidaynow · 29/03/2020 00:06

Why is this any different from Londoners with second homes escaping London?

Opendraw · 29/03/2020 00:07

This is so mumsnet people
Would carry their child home on their backs yet a thread about 2 brothers kicking a ball about if safe to do so caused up roar.

It’s against the rules as you know if this was something that killed everybody it came in contact with, you would not go. But for what it’s worth it probably is low risk but there is still a risk. I could go to my family’s rural location I’m not because I don’t want to risk spreading anything anywhere. Tough choice and you will go and most probably all will be well but it is definitely against the advice.

Roussette · 29/03/2020 00:07

However - if one of my children wanted to come home and be safe at home I would go and get them in a heartbeat, no questions asked

Wherever they lived and however old they were?

Isolation and non travelling doesn't apply to adult children of MNers?

Someone should tell the Chief Medical Officer.

This is not a 15 year old. This is a 24 year old.

PotholeParadise · 29/03/2020 00:08

I can't believe the consensus is to get a healthy 24-year-old from London, when on other threads, people rip into anyone who walks their dog twice a day in their own private field.

Read about Eyam, and feel some shame.

In 1665 a tailor from Eyam ordered a box of materials relating to his trade from London, that he was to make into clothes for the villagers. He unwittingly triggering a chain of events that led to 260 Eyam villagers dying from bubonic plague – more than double the mortality rate suffered by the citizens of London in the Great Plague

Between the first death and the last, the villagers set an extraordinary and enduring example of self-sacrifice by sealing off the village from the surrounding areas to prevent the disease spreading.

This girl might be that parcel of cloth.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/03/2020 00:08

Driving to a virus hotspot, to fetch home an adult who doesn’t NEED to be at home, from said virus hotspot to somewhere without many cases yet.

Sounds like a perfectly sensible idea - what could possibly go wrong? Hmm

Meaniebobeanie · 29/03/2020 00:12

@AngelicaKauffman

Couldnt agree more it's awful, the big negative of MN exactly this. I don't see how it will help people agree with their point of view either.

Penguin34 · 29/03/2020 00:12

I'd already be outside waiting in the car

Gwenhwyfar · 29/03/2020 00:13

It must be to do with whether you're a parent or not. I'm not and I think London people should not be spreading their viruses around. The government has been clear on this. I wonder what your neighbours think.

ineedaholidaynow · 29/03/2020 00:15

I’m a parent and I know my heart would be telling me to get my DC but hopefully my brain would be telling me not to.