Anyone else's DP doing their head in!

[Beatricekiddo27]

Disclaimer - I'm not trying to be horrible. I love my dp dearly and I know we have to be in this position for everyone's safety. I would be gutted if he got sick or anything like that but good Lord is he getting on my nerves!

I suppose it's the same for everyone. We are used to going about our daily lives separately and now we are stuck together 24/7 with nowhere to go and no one else to see. There's a few things he's done to annoy me :

• snapping at me and the kids unnecessarily which is understandable given the pressure but still not nice.
• been quite selfish with his time in that he'd rather be on his xbox or our cycling instead of doing games etc with me and the kids.
• making more mess and not helping tidy.
• no sex - you'd think there'd be some benefits of being stuck in together all the time but apparently not although this isn't really new for us...
• drinking more and falling asleep early after drinking so I literally have no company in the evening.
• generally very little conversation affection or support.

We are due to get married next May and there have been times this week when I've wondered if it's really the right thing for me! Not sure if it's real relationship issues coming to the fore of if I'm just blowing everything up in my mind due to the situation. My friends and family are also having similar rows and issues with their partners so I suspect the pressures of lockdown are affecting everyone.

Once again I don't mean to complain and I know some ppl will be suffering terribly with genuinely abusive partners right now but just needed a little rant.

Seems like some are just irritating which is understandable and others are showing themselves to be twats. OP I'm not sure I'd be marrying this guy

Yep, he is drinking too much and thinks I should join him. Both of us have a penchant for a drink, I’m trying to avoid that slippery slope.

Expects me to sit and stare at the tv with him when I would rather be in my office studying - I’m doing all sorts of free / cheap online courses in the evenings. Trying to look on the bright side and use my time productively.

I expected this to be a lighthearted “my dp is annoying” thread, but op he (And some others on here) sounds horrible!!
He sounds unkind, unhelpful and I’d be seriously thinking about the relationship to be honest.

People are irritating when stuck in together and behaviours are amplified but I really feel for you.
Dp is still having to work so I’m just so grateful when he walks in the door that I’m overlooking his (minor) irritating ways.

Sadly I am seeing lots of traits in my wife that I don’t like. I can see this being the end for us when it’s over.

I think you are actually being really balanced and sensible OP. I completely get some of it. DP and I are usually rock solid and very much partners both professionally and personally but last night after 2 weeks isolated and all four of us have been extremely ill (nearly hospitalized dc2 and would have at any other time) and two weeks where his fantastic and longed for opportunity got put ba k and our current , whilst luckily wfh , jobs became uncertain , all the worry and stress and lack of break from each other boiled out into a blazing row (in whispers so the DC didn't hear) .

There are some things that made me question it all, I had figured we would pull together , but it has been bloody hard if I'm honest. In the cold light of morning things are much better, he stopped snapping at everyone and I've stopped being a borderline martyr (ergh I hate that behaviour , my dm used to pull that shit all the time and he wasnt wrong that I was starting to do it ....am in no way suggesting you are doing it OP really, but ergh I really really had started to sound like my mother !!)

Saying all of that there is some stuff we need to work on definitely and being locked up together has highlighted it. Most of it is lockdown stuff but there are a couple of things that need to be sorted so a bit of both.

However I think the same as you , no big decisions right now if I can possibly help it, I honestly dont trust my perspective fully now so it's a wait and sort it out afterwards job.

'I'm more pissed off cos I haven't seen anyone else and it would just be nice to have a bit of conversation in the evenings. He is terrible company.'.
This^ I end up having my own movie night as by the time I wait for dh who is always engrossed on his phone or playstation the evening is over!

SueEllenMishke that sounds amazing and like lots of fun. My DH is so boring and just sits on his playstation and mobile phone watches the same types of films over again and doesnt they finding anything we both like to watch. Infact this morning we had huge argument as he doesnt grasp the concept that working from home during a pandemic is not the same as normal. He shouts at me and says I'm on maternity leave so should be keeping the toddler and baby quieter and away from him better when he is working. I am sitting crying...

try*

He tells me his employer wotn understand because 'you are at home with the dc!'I tell him its not the same because I cannot take them out for the day or anything and we are all stuck indoors yet I'm still supposed to wave a magic wand or so it seems.

Does everyone elses husband do anything around the house on their days off? I do the housework when he is 'at work' but on his days off he continues leaving dishes unwashed, not put away and doesnt put a wash on or do anything and complains I'm listing jobs up if I ask him to help out. I feel every day is the same for me, nothing changes.

My boyfriend has been doing most of the cleaning and childcare (despite not usually living here), he isn’t working, I am, but him doing more isn’t expected in the slightest.

No, he’s not doing my head in. Quite the opposite in fact.

He’s wfh m-f, 9-5, but has been taking regular breaks to come and have the kids so that I can have a break. He’s been using his lunch break to play with kids, or do house stuff etc.

When working he’s in the spare room / office so not under our feet. I’m really enjoying having him here all the time.

We’ll see how things are when my maternity leave ends in 3 weeks and we need to juggle the kids while we both wfh. We’ve been discussing it quite a bit so I know he’s prepared to make necessary changes.

Gillian1980 so he takes the kids to give you breaks during the working day? My dh has a lunch break but takes it to eat a meal I prepared then never moves. He doesnt even make me a cup of tea in the morning when he gets up to work.

@yesterdayforgotten
yes, he’ll take 5 or 10 mins a few times. He benefits from having a stretch away from the desk & he feels in a better mood after seeing the kids.
He recognises that all day with a 4 year old and 10 month old, stuck in and trying to do school work isn’t the easiest.

He’s encouraging his team to take regular breaks too - walk round their gardens, stretch, see their kids etc.

Gillian1980 that's amazing, dh is really.hard on himself and me but it doesnt help that the big boss is useless and expecting high levels of work even at this time!

Luckily he is a manager and the senior managers are very supportive.

Their mantra at the moment is “this is a marathon not a sprint” and they want people to remain in as good a place as possible mentally as well as physically.

3 year old and 4 month so exactly being stuck in all day is hard on top of housework and cooking etc and I feel DH think it is a holiday. I actually would rather a day at doing his job and getting to sit down all day and not move while getting all meals made as well!

@yesterdayforgotten
Yeah I find it hard. I know lots of people have it far worse but I’m knackered.

I’m so glad I’m single and don’t have a useless man in my house. I’m on my own with 2 DC’s and it’s great!

Relationships are meant to be a partnership, not one person doing all the shitwork while the other sits on their lazy hole.
It’s seems like so many partners dislike each other and this pandemic is just highlighting it.

My DP said yesterday "If I had to be stuck with anyone, I would choose you".

That sounds really tough yesterday. Sending you lots of un-mumsnetty hugs.

I think it's really important that everyone realises it's not business as usual and some compromises need to be made and we need to be kind to each other. I'd like to think most employers understand that working from home with children is tough - even if one of you isn't technically working.

I suspect the men who aren't helping and claim they can't because of work are the same that refuse to ask for any flexibility for childcare etc when everything is functioning normally.

Gillian1980 exactly people far worse off

Thank you @SueEllenMishke that is very kind. I do think that's exactly it, how can it possibly be business as usual in the middle of a pandemic with everybody on top of each other and only one small walk a day. Unfortunately the high up boss where dh works like to make her own rules up and doesnt show any understanding for young dc in the home, she is older and hers are fully grown.
I do agree, I feel my dh is a people pleaser and will not ask or even express things are strained at home to his employer; to be fair I doubt she would be interested judging on the way she rules.

We've had our moments, mainly not cleaning the kitchen properly or taking games a bit too seriously.

Though sometimes he breathes far too fucking loudly as well