Anyone else's DP doing their head in!

[Beatricekiddo27]

Disclaimer - I'm not trying to be horrible. I love my dp dearly and I know we have to be in this position for everyone's safety. I would be gutted if he got sick or anything like that but good Lord is he getting on my nerves!

I suppose it's the same for everyone. We are used to going about our daily lives separately and now we are stuck together 24/7 with nowhere to go and no one else to see. There's a few things he's done to annoy me :

• snapping at me and the kids unnecessarily which is understandable given the pressure but still not nice.
• been quite selfish with his time in that he'd rather be on his xbox or our cycling instead of doing games etc with me and the kids.
• making more mess and not helping tidy.
• no sex - you'd think there'd be some benefits of being stuck in together all the time but apparently not although this isn't really new for us...
• drinking more and falling asleep early after drinking so I literally have no company in the evening.
• generally very little conversation affection or support.

We are due to get married next May and there have been times this week when I've wondered if it's really the right thing for me! Not sure if it's real relationship issues coming to the fore of if I'm just blowing everything up in my mind due to the situation. My friends and family are also having similar rows and issues with their partners so I suspect the pressures of lockdown are affecting everyone.

Once again I don't mean to complain and I know some ppl will be suffering terribly with genuinely abusive partners right now but just needed a little rant.

Just me then

I could have wrote this, due to get married on Sept. we have one child together.

He is seriously pissing me off. Taking the home schooling too far and saying I'm not doing enough, he's too critical.

Not lifting a hand to help with housework, questioning everything I do.

Me heading upstairs

DP: where are you going
ME: am upstairs

Sitting there with his sourbake face on his laptop 24/7

That sounds rough. I’ve said to myself 20 times a day how glad I am to be going through this with DH, so I don’t think it’s inevitable that it will be awful.

I think the main thing you will need to work our is whether this is a blip caused by extreme stress, or who he really is coming to the fore?

Yes!

Eating random things out of the fridge as a snack that then means the central part of a main family meal is missing.

He DOES NOT GET THIS.

We are in isolation due to one family member having symptoms. We cannot go to the shops. Our area is stripped bare of produce anyway.

And he keeps fucking up the meal plans

Actually OP, your DP is being quite horrible.

Are they his kids too, that he is snapping at?

Yes ! When I am working he keeps asking what I'm working on , after every conference call he asks what did they say.

Keeps making me cups of tea I don't want

Wants to come out with me on my daily exercise. It's the only time I have alone !

My boyfriend suggested that we could clean the flat together today. I think my expression suitably conveyed “are you fucking nuts”.

Ladies they will do what you allow them to do! Insist that they help, set the tone or drown in this behavior forever. Put both feet down!

My Dh is working from home, he seems to think wfh during a pandemic with 5 people including 3 teens should be the same as working from home generally.

He is seriously pissing me off.

Stretched out on the playroom sofa having conference calls whilst I q round the block for food and deal with 3 teens- schoolwork, sloth like attitude, reluctant to exercise or do anything, rude....

The opposite for me actually.
We have a teenage school refuser with additional needs, which puts a big strain on us.
She has now finished school and strangely is like a different child since school finished.
DH has been furloughed so is at home and we are getting on well.
He is the typical useless around the house husband but he is really trying his best at the moment.
I think it also takes something like this to put the smaller things into perspective. So many of the things we stress about really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I am certainly letting a lot of stuff just go and appreciating the little things more.
DHs job is at risk and I don't even care. If all my loved ones, many of whom are high risk survive this I will feel like I have won the lottery.

If I ask for back up he says “ I’m trying to work”

He honestly thinks home during lockdown should be the same as his office.

Loved that Munch😂

In the nicest possible way it does sound like some of you are married to selfish arseholes and the current climate is highlighting it more than usual.
The Ops DH is a prime example!

Dh working from home and laying around with laptop and taking calls expecting me, toddler and baby not to make a sound. He will leave dishes and glasses around the house. He does no housework not even on days off atm without being asked numerous times. I keep telling him to work upstairs out of the way! I cant exactly take the dc out for the day can I?! We are all on top of each other and I get no time to myself not even for my daily exercises I have to take dc. Do people not get this is lock down and not ordinary working from home!

'He honestly thinks home during lockdown should be the same as his office.'

Yes this ^ dh thinks he should have no background noise whatsoever and office facilities as well as drinks and food magically appearing and dishes done. I dont see him get up for anything!

That’s exactly what I said Yesterday.

We’re going through a pandemic you might find wfh might not be so slick as working in your office during normal times.And yes key worker if not you could get up off your arse and rollick your teens into action for 5 minutes,even the prime minister could manage that.

Shr1nkyD1nk haha yes! Dh had the sheer ordasity to announce today he is at work (really he is standing in our kitchen?!!) and then went on to state if he was 'in his office' whizh he is at home it would be quiet and how can he concentrate blah blah blah!' I have no idea how he thinks I can silence a toddler and baby for 8 hours a day during lock down with limited time outside
And goodness forbid they have to multitask... impossible!

WOMEN!!!

What are you doing???

Stop enabling the patriarchal behaviour immediately. Go out in the garden (if you have one) leaving the kids behind when he is on the conference call. Let all hell break loose.

Stop with the chores/room service/picking up/everything. Let him do his share, and if he won't, let him do his own. His own shopping, cooking, washing, ironing, blah blah.

This is not "his office". This is not HIS anything. If necessary, give him a list of his share of the home running.

I went on strike for 3 months many years ago. It's worth it.

I said this morning dont you make your colleagues a cup of tea at work? He said no he doesn't and how he couldnt get up to make drinks as he has used too much time eating breakfast (I prepared) as it was

Me too. I love my DH, we've been together for 30 odd years but we don't normal have to be around each other 24 7

Oh dear lord he is driving me crazy. He THINKS he's hilarious and is constantly making stupid jokes to make my DD laugh and he talks really really loud because he's used to shouting as his Mums almost deaf. I'm working from home and he try's to listen in on my conference calls and wants to "help" with emails (scream!!!)

I asked him yesterday if he could just give me a bit of space to breath and he still followed me round the house talking to me (cry)

I know he's bored too but he's driving me crazy

Why would you marry him?

He's failed the test of life partnership - mutual strength and support - at only the beginning of the 1st true hurdle.

Are you financially disadvantaged by not being married to him? Are your kids yours together and he owns the house in his sole name, for example? If so, marry him just to address that legal injustice. Then leave.

Once again, 'when someone tells you/shows you who they are, believe them.'

Anyone marrying one of the guys described on this thread has a lifetime of misery ahead of them.

My husband has been working from home and finding the work no less intense than normal. However, there's no decompression time which he usually does on the journey home.

So, if he's still feeling ratty and I'm watching t.v. after a day of trying to find groceries, standing in queues being mindful of social distancing etc etc etc I just don't have the patience for him slagging off a quiz I like to watch because in his opinion the questions are easy. It's just my chill time. I don't care how easy of difficult the questions are. No point losing my temper, I can do with the kicked puppy or sulky sad face and martyred look on his face.

However when we watch the quiz shows that he likes, we watch in a near religious silence unless he's being a clever dick and answering the questions.

Or I'll remark on something and he'll grunt his disapproval rather than discuss it. This just makes me cross and hurts my feelings.

Later on I'm watching a soap opera but it obviously stresses him because he will just be bitching and moaning all the way through it whilst insisting he doesn't care and isn't interested. He doesn't do this to any other t.v. show. Especially, of course, a t.v. show that he likes.

Then there's the walk. The damn near religious devotion of, 'the walk.' I've been on my feet all fucking day in various queues and don't want to walk, but, again to save been made to feel guilty for saying no I end up going with him and listening to his chatter.

No bad tempered digs and grunting from me.

No point losing my temper, I can do with the kicked puppy or sulky sad face and martyred look on his face.

*do without