Anyone else's DP doing their head in!

[Beatricekiddo27]

Disclaimer - I'm not trying to be horrible. I love my dp dearly and I know we have to be in this position for everyone's safety. I would be gutted if he got sick or anything like that but good Lord is he getting on my nerves!

I suppose it's the same for everyone. We are used to going about our daily lives separately and now we are stuck together 24/7 with nowhere to go and no one else to see. There's a few things he's done to annoy me :

• snapping at me and the kids unnecessarily which is understandable given the pressure but still not nice.
• been quite selfish with his time in that he'd rather be on his xbox or our cycling instead of doing games etc with me and the kids.
• making more mess and not helping tidy.
• no sex - you'd think there'd be some benefits of being stuck in together all the time but apparently not although this isn't really new for us...
• drinking more and falling asleep early after drinking so I literally have no company in the evening.
• generally very little conversation affection or support.

We are due to get married next May and there have been times this week when I've wondered if it's really the right thing for me! Not sure if it's real relationship issues coming to the fore of if I'm just blowing everything up in my mind due to the situation. My friends and family are also having similar rows and issues with their partners so I suspect the pressures of lockdown are affecting everyone.

Once again I don't mean to complain and I know some ppl will be suffering terribly with genuinely abusive partners right now but just needed a little rant.

I do think that there are some issues that need addressing on a wider scale but I also think the current situation we're living in is amplifying things 100%. Even in the most solid relationships, it's unlikely that a massive change and increase in spending time together with nowhere to go or nobody else to see wouldn't change the dynamic of a relationship.

To answer questions - the dc are mine from previous relationship and he is usually great with him. The snapping is completely new. Financially I'm fucked without him. And overall I do really love him! He's not usually a layabout or a slob but being together more seems to be making him a bit lazier

We aren't doing too badly. DH and I are both working from home at the moment, as is DD1. DD2 is here all the time too as college is closed. DD3 works shifts at Tesco.

DH has his man cave study upstairs at the other end of the house. I have my desk downstairs in the living room, overlooking the back garden. DD1 has her large bedroom upstairs. It works.

Yeah not going to lie he's pissed me off tonight - drank a load and now snoring in the armchair. I think I'm more pissed off cos I haven't seen anyone else and it would just be nice to have a bit of conversation in the evenings. He is terrible company.

Hate DH when he’s been drinking and now on Friday nights he’s doing it at home rather than at the pub.

Can you FaceTime a friend?

@Cherrypie32 mine isn't offensive he's just so unbelievably dull. I'm finding him a lot more dull lately.

Think I need a new outlook as from tomorrow and stop relying on him for company and support. I have friends who want to have one of these virtual meet ups that I've put off because dp wants to have tea or have a drink together and then he just falls asleep.

@TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead I will make a conscious effort to do that tomorrow.

Or a sibling/cousin?

My brother is great for mindless chatting, some people have a knack for lighthearted conversion. It’s an art form really.

Think of someone who is good at that

Some of these DPs sound terrible tbh

Yes we are finding it tough but we are both trying to be extra tolerant to each other and the teens. Playing games with DC and finding stuff on Netflix to watch together.

For the first 15 years together we were shagging most days, so unless there is medical reasons it's pretty sad that it's dried up early on in your relationship to the point where you are disappointed/frustrated/not compatible.

OP - why would you want to marry someone who is 'terrible company'?

@RandomMess Yep it's depressing alright. He has low libido apparently. I'm not overly bothered myself and I was willing to tolerate once a month because I thought our relationship was great in other ways.
Now I'm not so sure.
It's not the time for big life decisions that's for sure but I'm really really fed up today.

No, he's actually been the opposite. We've been through a phase where he's been withdrawn, short tempered, gaming heavily and just generally like a middle aged teenager. He's actually pulled his socks up and we're communicating a lot better. The lack of commute helps.

@rosegoldwatcher good question!!!!
He's obviously not always like this. If he were we wouldn't have made it past the first month! Things just seem very difficult at the minute

Once a month that's a huge compromise when he's not engaging in the rest of the relationship!

@RandomMess the rest of the relationship was good until now. Hence the compromise. But yeah thinks feel rubbish at the minute and I'm sure most of it is down to the extreme circumstances but even so. Just feel he's not pulling his weight in the relationship - not in a literal sense with housework and stuff but emotionally and physically yes.

DH is driving me mad with his constant moaning. Yes it's shit, yes it would be better if this wasn't happening but jesus, we're all in the same boat, shut up fucking moaning about it! He's just sucking any positivity I have away and I can't get away from it

I almost feel like if he wasn't here I would be able to get on with stuff, please myself and tidy up after myself. Talk to friends and family more freely. It's a tiny house so we are all on top of each other.

But then of course if I were alone I'd be lonely without him. Really bad times.

Perhaps, in the short term, you could have the conversation that starts something like, "You and I are going to fall out unless you up your game/pull your weight/do A, B and C."
His response to this, entirely reasonable request, will determine where you go the other side of the current situation.

Social isolation is putting (previously OK) relationships in a crucible.

OP, you need to have a serious talk with your DH and if nothing changes, reconsider the wedding.
DH working from home about 4-5 hours a day. Has home office.
I an HCP and working full time.
Cleaner cancelled.
Him “let’s all do the housework this weekend “.
Me “ if I’m working full time and you’re working part time, you do the housework and I’ll do the washing “
Him “ you are being selfish and lazy”
Me “ when I was part time and you were full time, I did more housework “
Him grumbling “I’ll do the housework “
He also is very needy for company and wants to talk my ear off when I get home.
I just want quiet to relax and decompress.
Uncertain times

Weenurse, I am part time and DH fulltime but if he’d flat out refuse to help with any cleaning or tidying I’d be a bit put out too tbh

Especially worded like that

I ended up tidying and washing while he did the cleaning but I was really annoyed.
working longer than usual days, trying to fit in last minute emergency surgeries while listening to my Doctors and younger nurses freaking out, trying to be the voice of calm.
To come home to being called selfish and lazy, when he is getting up at lunch time and putting in a few hours before playing computer games.
He hasn’t even walked the dog, that was left for me to do each night after work.
He can f*cken clean for a bit.

Some of these partners sound terrible. They need to suck it up and act like adults. This is a strange time for everyone but we decided we'd only get through it if we worked as a team. Our priority is to not stress DS out.

I'm used to working from home but DH isn't. I've had to adapt my WFH routine but I'm not complaining.
Both of us are trying to maintain f/t jobs while caring for/educating a 5 year old. It's exhausting but we're trying. Things we've done to make it easier:

Accepted that we aren't as productive at the moment .....we're lucky to have very understanding employers.

We sit down with our diaries and work out when someone needs quiet time for a conference call and the other will facilitate this.....but we also accept that occasionally DS might pop in and interrupt. We don't make a big deal about it as in the scheme of things it's not a big deal.

We facilitate alone time for each other by taking it in turns to take DS out.

We aren't getting too hung up on school work ( I've muted the class WhatsApp as the replica classrooms and colourful timetables where making me feel like shit)
We're doing stuff but we're pretty relaxed. Happy and healthy is important right now.

We're 'booking' things in to look forward to. Last night we watched a live stream of a local band and had a drink and a sing. We're also planning to do some virtual pub quizzes and have virtual drinks with friends on Sunday.

Not yet but hes only furlong for 1 day. Give him time

After yesterdays batshit “shall we clean the flat together” suggestion he had vacuumed most of the flat when I got home from my run around 7am. Weirdo.