How selfish would this be?

[Jourdain11]

I just need a sounding board because I don't trust my own judgement any more and don't want to freak out my family and friends, many of whom are already struggling at this difficult time...

So as not to drip-feed: I'm not very health-anxious and have been coping okay with the Covid-19 situation up till now. We had a case at work very early in proceesinfa and got locked down. Husband is a PS teacher and working this week. We have been reasonably sensible and socially isolated, but of course we're all getting exposure through him!

My dilemma is this: for the last about 4 weeks, I've been really wiped out. Really exhausted, achey, weak. I've also been getting lots of nosebleeds (unusual) and people have been commenting that I look really pale and asking if I lost weight. I've actually lost about a stone, but it may be lack of appetite.

Of course, I looked up my symptoms and got worried ... so made an appointment with the GP, telephone (natch) and spoke to a GP who I've never seen before, who said this is classic anxiety, everyone is anxious, to practise breathing techniques and mindfulness, etc. He may well be right, but my issue is... I haven't been feeling that anxious. I'm generally quite a day-by-day person and haven't felt this as hard as many others.

I tried the relaxation.. but basically, I'm just concerned it might be more. And I'm now scared that if I wait till I can get a face-to-face, some time in the long and far distant future (!!!) it might be "too late". Blah blah blah. You get what I'm saying.

My GP surgery are saying absolute no face-to-face and they can refer me for IAPTs but it will be a long wait. If I think I need something quicker, I should go to the local hospital Urgent Treatment. And I'm almost at the point where I will go....... but it seems so bloody selfish to go at a time like this?

I just don't know. So please, any thoughts will help!

Yes - Go. The worst that can happen is I'll waste little bit of NHS time and piss off some overworked staff.

No - Don't go. I'm being selfish and ridiculous to contemplate it!

Thx v much à l'avance.

[Jourdain11]

Oh good point about the charger! DH has a portable one because he always runs his phone battery down, so I might borrow that off him.

[definitelygc]

I haven't been able to read the whole thread but just chipping in to say that I don't feel particularly anxious but my body does seem to be showing physical effects of anxiety. My gums started bleeding when I was brushing my teeth a couple of nights ago which never happens to me. I looked it up and it turns out it can be caused by stress.

[ShellsAndSunrises]

Good luck for tomorrow, @Jourdain11

[Jourdain11]

Thank you!

I'm having a bit of a wobble now... scared of the appointment, scared of what I'm going to find out, scared of how long it might take to find it out. I feel like I'm going a crappy job of reassuring the DC, poor DH is run ragged and my mind is racing ahead in a very unhelpful way. And at the same time, I feel bad to be so self-centered at this moment in time, when people are dying and everyone is having such a tough time.

Just need to pull myself together and be less self-pitying and more positive!

[Mawbags]

Good luck for tomorrow

[MilesJuppIsMyBitch]

Fine, normal and right to be self-centred. I hope you manage to get some sleep

[Jourdain11]

I just feel like a selfish cow. All this anxiety and suffering and I'm totally wrapped up in my own stuff. And my kids, with their usual life upside down, and they need their mum's support and I can't do it properly. I wish everything was normal again!

[iVampire]

It’s OK to be ‘wrapped up in your own stuff’ in the immediate run up to an appointment under the 2 week rule,

Those of us who have been through this, know that this bit is one of the worst bits. It’s remarkably stressful to know there’s a good chance something is badly wrong.

And it doesn’t matter how many other people are going through crap at the same time, it’s still crap for you.

The NHS is quite ruthlessly cancelling all sorts of stuff to free up staff and beds. But not the things that really matter, such as appointments under the 2 week rule. This really matters. You really matter

[Etinox]

everything crossed dear @Jourdain11

[MilesJuppIsMyBitch]

Hope you got some sleep Jourdain11.

iVampire is right. Other people's problem do not invalidate your feelings

[Jourdain11]

I did sleep okay, thanks! Just getting ready now ..... Thank you so much for the good luck wishes!

[zelbazinnamon]

Thinking of you today OP. Hope you don’t have too much waiting around and get some certainty about what is going on in your body at least in these uncertain times.

[Tiredmum100]

All the best for today OP.

[GiveMeAllTheGin8]

Just read your thread and offering a hand hold I hope all goes well today

[Wallywobbles]

Hope you are ok. And not being required to be too brave.

[Jourdain11]

Thank you - it has been okay so far. The bone marrow biopsy wasn't as bad as I expected but then I'm not sure the local has really worn off yet! Afterwards I came over all dizzy and almost passed out, which was a bit embarrassing It's a bit strange at the hospital with all the masks and gowns and extra checks, but at least it feels that it is safe and every precaution is being taken.

I'm trying to prep all my (many, many) questions for the next bit!

[Stuffofawesome]

[Cornishclio]

So sorry you are going through all this as well as the uncertainty re the virus and lockdown etc. At least it is reassuring that other conditions are not being ignored due to Coronavirus. Whatever the results at least you will know what you are dealing with.

[iVampire]

If you have a skilled doctor a bone marrow aspiration isn’t that bad but it can be a bit sore whilst it’s healing up. It’s a very deep wound, so you mustn’t wet it for a while after

[MilesJuppIsMyBitch]

Gawd, I forgot about the bone marrow: I actually found that the worst bit.

Are you home now?

Sending you Friday night

How are you doing iVampire? Did you get your text of doom from the government?

[MyBabyBoyBlue]

I suffer with anxiety and at its worst I have had nosebleeds, tight chest, heart palpitations, nausea and lost a lot of weight - but I never felt so stressed and anxious in my mind that I linked the two until I saw a doctor. It could be that your anxiety is manifesting physically. Meditation is good, as is getting enough sleep (which i know is very difficult to get!). I'm not sure i would visit a hospital right now unless i absolutely had no choice, partly because this virus seems to be everywhere and partly because the anxiety that would inevitably follow the hospital visit would also be pretty crippling. I hope you start feeling better soon and, of course, if you start feeling so unwell that you cant cope at home you should seek urgent medical help.

[iVampire]

Yes, Miles I had the text of doom, and the letter shortly after. Did you?

[Jourdain11]

I'm back! It all went okay, I managed to remember most of my questions and make a note of everything and also got an email address and telephone number for contact, so I feel like at least I can get in touch if there's something I really need to ask!

The bone marrow was definitely the worst bit, but even that wasn't too bad at the time. It is hurting a LOT now though! I did get paracetemol and I've also started on antibiotics to reduce the infection risk. Everyone I saw was really nice and they did not seem to mind that I had lots of questions! Also got advice on the stomach ache, which has really been bothering me this week, so that was helpful.

I was feeling really together all through the day, but when I was back home my GP called to ask if it had been okay - again really nice of her, as she didn't have to - and I burst into tears (embarrassing!) because it just hit me how stressed out I've been and how I can't do any of the things I'd usually do to de-stress. But it is what it is and at least the things are now in motion and I will know sooner rather than later what the situation is.

Thank you again for all the support - it means a lot while I can't really talk to people IRL about what's going on - and I'm definitely having a relaxing tonight, but sadly is off the menu!

[Jourdain11]

Text of Doom - was it the 12 week thing?

[cashmerecardigans]

Hi, I saw your original thread and have been thinking of you a lot today. You sound amazing, you’re coping so well with such a massive thing when life is just so chaotic. I just wanted to wish you all the best, I hope you get news soon so you know what you are dealing with.
Take care of yourself as best you can.
PS your GP sounds awesome.