How selfish would this be?

[Jourdain11]

I just need a sounding board because I don't trust my own judgement any more and don't want to freak out my family and friends, many of whom are already struggling at this difficult time...

So as not to drip-feed: I'm not very health-anxious and have been coping okay with the Covid-19 situation up till now. We had a case at work very early in proceesinfa and got locked down. Husband is a PS teacher and working this week. We have been reasonably sensible and socially isolated, but of course we're all getting exposure through him!

My dilemma is this: for the last about 4 weeks, I've been really wiped out. Really exhausted, achey, weak. I've also been getting lots of nosebleeds (unusual) and people have been commenting that I look really pale and asking if I lost weight. I've actually lost about a stone, but it may be lack of appetite.

Of course, I looked up my symptoms and got worried ... so made an appointment with the GP, telephone (natch) and spoke to a GP who I've never seen before, who said this is classic anxiety, everyone is anxious, to practise breathing techniques and mindfulness, etc. He may well be right, but my issue is... I haven't been feeling that anxious. I'm generally quite a day-by-day person and haven't felt this as hard as many others.

I tried the relaxation.. but basically, I'm just concerned it might be more. And I'm now scared that if I wait till I can get a face-to-face, some time in the long and far distant future (!!!) it might be "too late". Blah blah blah. You get what I'm saying.

My GP surgery are saying absolute no face-to-face and they can refer me for IAPTs but it will be a long wait. If I think I need something quicker, I should go to the local hospital Urgent Treatment. And I'm almost at the point where I will go....... but it seems so bloody selfish to go at a time like this?

I just don't know. So please, any thoughts will help!

Yes - Go. The worst that can happen is I'll waste little bit of NHS time and piss off some overworked staff.

No - Don't go. I'm being selfish and ridiculous to contemplate it!

Thx v much à l'avance.

[Jourdain11]

@notrub I actually remember the first GP telephone appointment very well! It was the last day of school (so almost exactly one year ago) and I was on my way to pick up the DC. Had no idea what time the GP would call and I remember thinking, I bet it will be as soon as I'm out - and sure enough, it was! So I was walking down the main road and the GP obviously wanted it done and dusted quickly, as they probably had a million calls to get through. I remember saying something like, "I'm just a bit worried because I've been feeling tired and lightheaded and I've lost weight..." and then I was kicking myself because "I'm a bit worried" obviously made him think anxiety straight away. I tried to emphasise the physical symptoms, but he was quite stuck on his initial diagnosis and I remember being a bit like, oh whatever, this is clearly going nowhere, and just giving up on it!

When my regular GP called me (after I'd been to hospital) she was obviously a bit taken aback that the other doctor hadn't arranged a follow-up or any bloods, so I am trusting that it got followed up on internally. Hopefully! I don't want to criticise him, I guess they were up to their eyes, and a t/c with someone you've never seen or spoken to before isn't the best forum for assessment.

[notrub]

That does appear to be a common problem with phone calls - NOT as one might expect, that the lack of face to face makes diagnosis more difficult, but GP's frequently seem less engaged. Perhaps it's just easier to hurry a phone call than a face to face where you have to usher someone physically out the door?

Although it can also be the personality type - nothing like as serious as your case, but I once got prescribed medication for migraines because my first sentence to the GP was "It started with these headaches"... I had NONE of the common migraine symptoms and I even told the GP (correctly as it turned out) what I thought it was (GERD), but she couldn't forget what those first few words had made her think.

Anyway - I'm glad you got a second opinion quickly and I wish you well with the rest of your recovery.

[babbaloushka]

This just popped up in my active and I was about to say to push for a blood test. Glad to hear you're doing ok, what a horrendous time. All the best for recovery! I have a friend who's son had ALL and although it was a tough fucking road, he's just started at University this year, his diagnosis and treatment like a distant nightmare.

[Jourdain11]

Agreed that the phone calls are, for less straightforward things, not ideal and I am veeeeery grateful to the people who posted early on and encouraged me to go for a second opinion. I felt really that something was Not Right, but honestly I was just doubting myself and my sanity...

[coastergirl]

How are you @Jourdain11? Mn keeps telling me there are new posts on this thread even though there aren't. It got me wondering about you.

[Jourdain11]

@coastergirl funny! Sometimes I think I should make an update but then it seems a bit self-indulgent. I came across this by accident but then I saw your post.

It seems so strange that it was only a year and a half that I got diagnosed. It feels like a lifetime ago (although I know that's hyperbole!).

I've been quite well but last few weeks have a cough (yes, a new and continuous one but not Covid) and low blood counts (again!) so I have the treat of some scans and x-rays and a possible bone marrow aspiration.

It's weird how jittery it has left me about health. I feel like I'm on constant relapse alert! I hope that one day that'll wear off.

I think often of all the good and kind people who helped me so much on this thread. @agonyauntie2020, @iVampire, @MilesJuppIsMyBitch and many others! You'll never know how much you helped. I hope you you are all doing well too.

[MilesJuppIsMyBitch]

Glad to hear things have settled for you @Jourdain11 , although sorry to hear about your blood count.

Really glad we could help: I remember how utterly alarming it was, reading your symptoms, and then the 'advice'. Anxiety, ffs 🙄

Things rolling along ok here, although, (as you will know), living through a pandemic with a shonky immune system is a bit of a roller-coaster! for you

[Jourdain11]

@MilesJuppIsMyBitch "anxiety", ha. To be fair, I think it is a reflection on the limitations of telephone consultation as much as that GP's judgement. I am not a very militant feminist (unlike my younger daughter, who aspires to be a suffragette when she grows up!!) but I do wonder whether that doctor would have said "anxiety" to a man... Call me a cynic, perhaps!

If I have to take any positive from it, it has encouraged us to change some things as a family which have been very positive. We decided to move to a bigger house (we're renting at the moment) a little bit further out and that's been great for all of us, garden and a bit more space for us all. DH is also doing a part-time MEd and hoping to move into teacher training, as he wants to have a little more flexibility rather than being tied into teaching class each day. DCs' new school is fab and I moved into a new part time role (in the same organisation) when I returned to work, which is technically a "promotion" and which I enjoy far more than my previous position. So, a lot of good things, and while we could have done all this without family trauma and "these unprecedented times", it did give us a bit of a push to change things.

Did the Covid catch you yet? I had it while I was still having consolidation chemo and it wasn't very pleasant, but actually it was less bad than some of the other germs I managed to pick up during treatment! Of course I know that I could get it again, but I'm crossing my fingers that I have some extra protection from having had it already... I hope that, if you got it, it also wasn't too bad.

My itinerary for next week is blood tests, US and chest x-ray on Tuesday (I've been quite breathless and coughing and wheezing a lot... like a broken steam engine...but I am hoping that it's just because I haven't been doing enough cleaning and there's loads of dust or something) and potentially bone marrow aspiration on Thursday if it's deemed necessary. Very thankful that the kids are back at school on Thursday so will be occupied, and luckily DH's school only has inset this week and he'll be free to collect, etc.

Anyway, lovely to hear from you and I hope you're doing okay!

[coastergirl]

It's lovely to hear that you're doing well and the move sounds fantastic. I hope the tests go well.

[anotheronenow]

Dear Jourdain,

It is so good to hear your update, which sounds a lot like life, some up (yay) (the move, the new job for you and career change beginnings for DH), the bigger garden, the good school, and some not up but not necessarily down, the cough, the upcoming tests (opposite of yay).

As always your posts are lovely and your positive outlook is uplifting for the rest of us. I like to think your suffragette in training daughter is like your chocolate cake and funeral planning mum on a train.

Good luck for the tests and keep us posted!

[Monsterpage]

Hope all is well. Have been thinking of you this week x