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Covid

How selfish would this be?

486 replies

Jourdain11 · 24/03/2020 01:15

I just need a sounding board because I don't trust my own judgement any more and don't want to freak out my family and friends, many of whom are already struggling at this difficult time...

So as not to drip-feed: I'm not very health-anxious and have been coping okay with the Covid-19 situation up till now. We had a case at work very early in proceesinfa and got locked down. Husband is a PS teacher and working this week. We have been reasonably sensible and socially isolated, but of course we're all getting exposure through him!

My dilemma is this: for the last about 4 weeks, I've been really wiped out. Really exhausted, achey, weak. I've also been getting lots of nosebleeds (unusual) and people have been commenting that I look really pale and asking if I lost weight. I've actually lost about a stone, but it may be lack of appetite.

Of course, I looked up my symptoms and got worried Confused ... so made an appointment with the GP, telephone (natch) and spoke to a GP who I've never seen before, who said this is classic anxiety, everyone is anxious, to practise breathing techniques and mindfulness, etc. He may well be right, but my issue is... I haven't been feeling that anxious. I'm generally quite a day-by-day person and haven't felt this as hard as many others.

I tried the relaxation.. but basically, I'm just concerned it might be more. And I'm now scared that if I wait till I can get a face-to-face, some time in the long and far distant future (!!!) it might be "too late". Blah blah blah. You get what I'm saying.

My GP surgery are saying absolute no face-to-face and they can refer me for IAPTs but it will be a long wait. If I think I need something quicker, I should go to the local hospital Urgent Treatment. And I'm almost at the point where I will go....... but it seems so bloody selfish to go at a time like this?

I just don't know. So please, any thoughts will help!

Yes - Go. The worst that can happen is I'll waste little bit of NHS time and piss off some overworked staff.

No - Don't go. I'm being selfish and ridiculous to contemplate it!

Thx v much à l'avance.

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Jourdain11 · 16/06/2020 21:25

Thank you and don't worry, I didn't take it as a hint at all! I meant to update from time to time, but the thread slides down my watched list and I forget about it... Maybe I should have done that blog after all! (It could be called The Plague Diaries or Cholera in the Time of Cholera, or something equally catchy!)

I think in a way I've been very lucky... although it has been a weird time, I've been very fortunate to have amazing care and the positivity and friendliness of the NHS staff, and everyone's kindness here, felt like such a bright thing in a scary dark time. And when I can start seeing people again and doing some normal things, it will feel like such a big treat!

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Inkpaperstars · 17/06/2020 02:04

I am so glad you feel you have been well cared for Jourdain, I hope you get good news and things are on the up. At least you know you've not missed a summer of great parties and cultural highlights!

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Daisyboots · 17/06/2020 09:52

I just wanted to say what an inspirational thread..How it shows to listen to your gut feelings about your health. How kind strangers can be..How you've dealt so well with everything! Please keep keeping us updated on how you are. Xx

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Izzy24 · 17/06/2020 16:46

Hello Jourdain, glad to hear all is as it should be!

😊👍

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MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 20/06/2020 11:09

Hi Jourdain! You popped into my head this morning, so I thought I'd come along and wave.

I've caught up with the thread, and I'm glad to see that you are being well cared for.

Are you back at home? How quickly are you recovering from your latest round of poison?

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agonyauntie2020 · 23/06/2020 02:38

Hi Jourdain, You popped into my head this morning as well, and I'm wishing you well. Look forward to your novel "Cholera in the Time of Cholera" (great title!) and hoping you are doing ok. Hugs.

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marriednotdead · 30/06/2020 13:26

Hi@Jourdain11, another poster who thinks of you often and is willing you on from the sidelines. Crossing fingers that the chemo is going well and that your DCs are still enjoying quality time with their GPs.

Have you escaped from the hospital’s clutches yet or are they still holding you in their guest facility? Wink

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ibelieveinangels · 16/07/2020 10:36

Hi Jourdain

Was just wondering how you are doing .hope as well as can be expected Flowers

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PeppaChic · 13/08/2020 10:54

Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you x

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coastergirl · 29/10/2020 21:50

Hi, I just wondered how you're doing?

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Jourdain11 · 29/11/2020 12:55

Hi,

I don't know if anyone will see this thread any more, but I wanted to just post a little update. I also wanted to thank you all, who supported me and encouraged me and cheered me up - and gave very good advice! It is a wonderful example of "the kindness of strangers" and I can't thank you enough Flowers

Everything is going okay, although it has been a bit of a bumpy ride. I am still on consolidation chemo, although it's much less horrible than the induction and I feel a lot more like myself than I did! My hair even starts to grow back a bit - it's now got to the stage where I look like a convict 😀 And I've even been feeling well enough to go back to work on a couple of days a week.

Sadly though, all this has taken its toll on the family a bit. DH has coped so amazingly well but I do worry that I expect too much from him, etc etc. And DD1 has had some real challenges and hasn't coped well this term. It is very sad and I can't help but feel responsible Sad On the positive side, DD2 and DS are very resilient (being that bit younger, less of it sinks in) and DD2 gave a talk for other young kids who have parents going through cancer treatment about her experience, which she did brilliantly (even if it did include a few too many comments like "when mum was in hospital, though, we got to have ice cream for dinner every day and no broccoli at all").

When the dreaded "second wave" arrived I was back into shielding, but to some extent I'd been careful all through the summer and early autumn because especially since having my spleen removed, my immune system is a bit kaput. And so far everything has been okay - amazingly, there hasn't been a single positive case either at DH or the DC's schools. In this part of London, we seem to have got off quite lightly in the second wave (maybe because it was bad during the first?).

Anyway... that's it as far as my little update goes. So I just want to say thanks again and hope that you are all doing okay Flowers

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Hopeisnotastrategy · 29/11/2020 13:52

Glad to hear you are doing ok, you have all coped amazingly well.

All the best! 😊💕

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amicissimma · 29/11/2020 19:16

Thanks for updating. I've been following and glad to hear it's going reasonably well. I do hope someone or something comes DD1's way to help a bit.

And try to fight off the 'feeling responsible', although I know that's easier said than done. You didn't get ill on purpose!

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Jourdain11 · 29/11/2020 19:39

Thanks Smile Yes, we are hoping to get some help for DD1, everything is a bit slow at the moment because of Covid and she isn't feeling very outgoing at the moment, so it's been a bit of a challenge. DD2 did some sessions online with a group and subsequently some f2f pre lockdown 2, which I think she got a lot out of. But then she is naturally very gregarious and basically just enjoyed having some new people to talk at to!

In a way, I'm quite lucky, in that the whole lockdown and Tiers situation has probably barely changed anything for me. I would have had to be very careful at the moment anyway and when shielding was reintroduced, my team and GP just basically told me to continue with what I was doing because it was working well (i.e. not picking up any germs but also not going insane). I'm missing the chance to see my family in France - but hopefully in the New Year! Assuming that my mother, who went on a protest yesterday, hasn't been arrested and clapped in gaol!

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coastergirl · 29/11/2020 20:13

Lovely to hear that you're doing well.

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polkadotpjs · 29/11/2020 21:26

Lovely to hear you're doing ok. Hope your DD gets some help but you sound like a great mum anyway so I sure she will be fine

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Jourdain11 · 30/11/2020 12:25

Ahh, that's kind, thank you!
She went to school almost willingly this morning, so that is definitely progress! Smile

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Jourdain11 · 17/03/2021 20:10

I realised today that it's going on for a year since I started this thread - and wow, what a year it has been (for everyone, not just me!).

You all helped me a lot here, from the very starting point, so I am honestly more grateful than I can say.

I've been doing quite well, but have been a bit tired the last couple of weeks and had dodgy blood results today - so it's going to be back for a more thorough check-up asap.

Hope everyone is doing okay FlowersSmile

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Wallabyone · 17/03/2021 20:13

Hi @Jourdain11
I remember you; I can't believe it's been a whole year. You have done so well...will keep everything crossed that these results are a manageable blip.
Sending love xxx

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BonnieDundee · 17/03/2021 20:17

I would book another appt with a different GP. I'm pretty sure unplanned weight loss should be investigated

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BonnieDundee · 17/03/2021 20:18

Sorry. Just realised its.an old thread. Off to read it properly now Grin

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Jourdain11 · 17/03/2021 20:23

Haha, no worries! Yes, ancient thread 😃 I feel like I was another person when I wrote that first post last year, lol.

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notrub · 17/03/2021 20:29

I'm late to the party here - and I've scanned through the thread - it's great to hear that you're on the mend and I hope things continue to go well for you.

I'm somewhat horrified by your OP though - unless you described things here differently to your GP, what on EARTH was he/she doing talking about "classic anxiety"??

It sounds like they made an instant diagnosis from when you opened your mouth, and after that ignored the facts - like a stone weight loss!!

Please complain to your local NHS provider - that GP needs some retraining! If it hadn't been for some of those early responders on this thread I shudder to think what might have happened!

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TheOrchidKiller · 17/03/2021 20:44

@Jourdain11
I remember you from the AD threads on Chat, & had been wondering how things were.
Hope you get your check up soon.
Wishing you well.

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smallandimperfectlyformed · 17/03/2021 20:58

Wishing you well Jourdain11 hope all your blood tests show more normal results next time Flowers

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