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Original poster

Wait a second ... how do we do custody exchanges?!

299 replies

PicsInRed · 23/03/2020 20:35

Nothing in Boris' message about travel to exchange children for contact.

What is the legal position here?

OP posts:
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8
Grufallosfriends · 23/03/2020 21:31

You’re not meant to have contact with other households. Custody exchanges massively breaches this. Keep children in one place!!

Absolutely. Kids could so easily spread the virus from one family to another. We're all trying to stop the transmission of this deadly virus!!

Please keep children in one place and keep them isolated with one family only.

DrFoxtrot · 23/03/2020 21:33

I can't believe my DC would be deemed safer staying with me but going to school when I work rather than their dad's.

StrictlySeparated · 23/03/2020 21:34

@oooompa - I agree that if this is what it means and you are expected to send your children to school (having been told not to do so if you can) rather than go to a relative's, then the advice is misguided. It would not be the first time the advice has not been well thought through.

Thatnovembernight · 23/03/2020 21:34

This needs to be clarified. My ex is working from home and isolating. I am a key worker. My kids were going to his house while I worked. So now they will have to go to school and mix with 30 other kids and members of staff because they are allowed to go there but not their Dad’s house? The people posting it’s all quite simple don’t seem to be taking this into account. If I don’t turn up I don’t get paid. If they go to their Dad’s they are seeing just home and his girlfriend who are both only leaving the house once a week. It’s much much safer for everyone if my kids go there and not to school.

oooompa · 23/03/2020 21:34

@NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite we didn't want to send them to school and nursery because they will be exposed to far more people there than they will be having 1 relative come to our house to look after them that way.

Their school begged for key workers to not send children in if they had any other childcare arrangements, and now we are having to send them in and expose them to more people?! Hmm

browzingss · 23/03/2020 21:35

@MyGhastIsFlabbered you’re honestly ridiculous. Your child is not “vulnerable” simply because they’re young, the specific definition of vulnerable here is in regard to those being at an increased risk of severe symptoms/death if they contract the virus. Ie underlying illnesses or the elderly.

People are already misconstruing what was said and trying to find ways that it doesn't apply to them.

This.

At the end of the day, you’re only placing your own children and families at risk of contracting Coronavirus, illness and death by trying to “exchange”. Realistically I personally couldn’t care less about you/your family so I’m not going to waste my time convincing you to stay home. If you want to clearly ignore medical and government guidance, anything that happens to your family is on you.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 23/03/2020 21:35

rosieposies

DSS7 lives with us full time and only sees his mum every other weekend and on a Wednesday for a few hours. Stopping contact will devastate her, and DSS would be heartbroken,

We're in such a quandry.
It wasn't a request. It was an instruction. No need to be in a quandary. Your DSS needs to stay with you. The lockdown will be reviewed in 3 weeks.

Alicenwonderland · 23/03/2020 21:35

I think anyone who's been through the court system over child custody, especially with an abusive ex, has reason to be seriously concerned about breaching the order by not sending them. It's drummed into us that contact happens no matter what! My ex hit my daughter at Christmas and I still have to send her! (Social services wouldn't intervene). I'd also be terrified that I'd send them and it would be tightened and I wouldn't get them back!

copycopypaste · 23/03/2020 21:35

isn't a case of what you want or don't want now. We are all having to do things we don't want. It's about saving the lives of those around us, saving our own lives and saving the NHS from collapse

Yes, yes and yes! Exactly

If we don't stop trying to find loop holes in these requirements we'll end up in complete lockdown like Spain, and talking to my family who live in Spain, we really don't want that.

chomalungma · 23/03/2020 21:36

I can't believe my DC would be deemed safer staying with me but going to school when I work rather than their dad's

This

Either you can't do your essential job because you have to stay at home to look after the kids

Or send your kid to school so you can do your essential job - but the kid mixes with other children of essential workers

Or do a handover to an adult who has limited exposure so you can do your essential job.

Which of these is the most sensible choice to the nation?

P999 · 23/03/2020 21:38

If exchanges are by car, i really dont see the issue. Or risk. And i dont want my kids to lose contact with their dad. It is essential for their wellbeing. But does need to be clarified.

AllMixedUp76 · 23/03/2020 21:40

My ex has had corona already.
Kids with him at the moment.

AllMixedUp76 · 23/03/2020 21:40

We are 50-50

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 23/03/2020 21:41

@bowzings. Wow your empathy is really lacking. I've already posted that I'm sobbing at the thought of not seeing my kids for god knows how long. I'm not ridiculous, I'm genuinely very, very upset and trying to find a solution and thinking out loud. Fuck off telling me I'm ridiculous.

People, myself included, are genuinely scared, distraught and a little kindness goes a long way.

Weregoingonanadventure · 23/03/2020 21:42

My ex and I sorted it out over 3 text messages. The kids will stay with me and he is going to skype them every night. It doesnt need to be a big drama.

He only sees them once a week so its not a massive change for us though.

Original poster
PicsInRed · 23/03/2020 21:42

I think anyone who's been through the court system over child custody, especially with an abusive ex, has reason to be seriously concerned about breaching the order by not sending them. It's drummed into us that contact happens no matter what! My ex hit my daughter at Christmas and I still have to send her! (Social services wouldn't intervene). I'd also be terrified that I'd send them and it would be tightened and I wouldn't get them back!

This is it, exactly. Thank you alicenwonderland.

I imagine family law professionals will be absolutely scrambling to figure this out first thing tomorrow.

OP posts:
doghairismyglitter · 23/03/2020 21:42

The risk is that children are potentially transporting a virus between two households and that’s how it spreads......
You do not know 100% who your ex has come into contact with/where he’s been whilst he’s been apart from the children, your children then stay there, catch the virus and transport it back...

cocomelon23 · 23/03/2020 21:42

My ds is at his dads tonight too. Theres no guidance on this is there?

category12 · 23/03/2020 21:42

In your situation, I'd get legal advice and keep dc home.

I didn't let my dc go to their dad's at the weekend because I was afraid of this happening while they were there.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 23/03/2020 21:43

oooompa
Their school begged for key workers to not send children in if they had any other childcare arrangements, and now we are having to send them in and expose them to more people
It isn't actually about your children being exposed to the virus. Adults are in far more danger of catching the virus from children. That is why they closed schools. That is why schools begged you not to bring them in unless strictly necessary. Teachers are worried about being exposed to the virus.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 23/03/2020 21:44

Well I am looking after my nephews tomorrow because the nursery has shut and won't take them despite my brother and his wife working in the nhs. I don't live with them and will have to drive there but it's essential. They can't be left. It's the same with custody. Nothing you can do about it. Just use your own judgement.

doghairismyglitter · 23/03/2020 21:45

I would assume children should be bought back to/collected by the main caregiver as soon as possible and stay with this parent for next three weeks with no contact with other parent for time being.
It isn’t “essential” to a child’s wellbeing to see the other parent I’m afraid, it’s not forever. It’s a temporary measure to protect everyone.

MyFirstMyLastMyEverythingBagel · 23/03/2020 21:45

Another key worker here who has organised childcare with my mum. Single parent to 3 children in 3 different schools due to age range. I'm over worked and underpaid and am I hell exposing my children to over 300 hundred people just in schools when it could be limited to 2 people. Why the fuck should I? My children are not sacrificial lambs while everyone else gets to keep them safe.

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 23/03/2020 21:45

I would suggest that a risk assessment of the situation would be a reasonable approach. So the example of a key worker sending the child to the other parent or a school- sensible to continue contact. An example where the child would be isolated at home with one parent, travel in a car and be isolated at home with the other parent- also probably okay. If there are numerous children shifting between households which could cause contamination spread or one parent isolating and the other having to mix in the community, clearly it makes sense to stop contact. I don’t see a one size fits all solution here.