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Original poster

Wait a second ... how do we do custody exchanges?!

299 replies

PicsInRed · 23/03/2020 20:35

Nothing in Boris' message about travel to exchange children for contact.

What is the legal position here?

OP posts:
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8
DustyMuse · 23/03/2020 21:15

Good evening from France, where, I'm sure you know we've been on lockdown since last Tuesday.

We have an official document we must sign every time we go out for essential reasons; parents coming to pick up their children for the weekend/week was one of the valid reasons listed. However last Friday, when my DC's father was due to come, the government clamped down on this too.

Xenia · 23/03/2020 21:16

You are allowed to go to a supermarket so without touching or coming near he other parent the child could just walk across the supermarket car park although that will obviously mean child has contact with 2 households so more risky than one. Probably on balance worth the risk.

browzingss · 23/03/2020 21:17

@Bringringbring12 no it’s not, these are the only 4 reasons you can leave your house. And before you try it - “Providing care” specifically means assisting vulnerable (self isolating/disabled/elderly) people.

So if you still think it’s “essential travel” I hope you get massively fined 😘 “end off”

Wait a second ... how do we do custody exchanges?!
MyGhastIsFlabbered · 23/03/2020 21:18

My children are young, therefore vulnerable. Surely exchanging counts as caring for them? ExH does not have everything he needs to care for them for a prolonged period. I do. This is their home.

Original poster
PicsInRed · 23/03/2020 21:18

Supermarkets works if you live in the same town.

OP posts:
Lockheart · 23/03/2020 21:19

These are the four reasons to leave the house, for clarity, since many seem to be making up additional rules despite the speech being less than an hour ago.

Wait a second ... how do we do custody exchanges?!
Curious78 · 23/03/2020 21:20

Surely the chances of me coming home with the coronavirus is higher if I were an essential travelling to work and back every day, than taking DD to her dad's house in lockdown and her coming home with it.

My dad was saying that someone posed the same question about separated parents and children today and was told that it was ok, although that was before the lockdown announcement.

rosieposies · 23/03/2020 21:20

DSS7 lives with us full time and only sees his mum every other weekend and on a Wednesday for a few hours. Stopping contact will devastate her, and DSS would be heartbroken, but we don't know what isolation methods she is following and would be putting our whole family at risk if we carried on doing handovers.

We're in such a quandry.

FenellaVelour · 23/03/2020 21:20

But my court order also means business. I'm afraid to breach the lockdown, but I'm also afraid to lose my child for parental alienation. It was a truly nasty case and the Dad continues to position himself for another go

Courts will understand. They won’t have any truck with people who want to use the court to try to argue that there’s been a breach of an order through an extreme and unprecedented set of circumstances that we find ourselves in now. Don’t worry about that.

The judiciary in the family courts are very much endorsing this blog which is very helpful and clear.

www.pinktape.co.uk/rants/corona-virus-and-separated-parents-what-to-do/

backaftera2yearbreak · 23/03/2020 21:20

This needs clarity. Now.

Straycatstrut · 23/03/2020 21:21

I'd say with RP too. Mine are staying with me until all this is over, and whatsapp video calling with their dad. He lives in another city 100 miles away though so wasn't much of a discussion and we both agreed straight away. It'd be different if he lived locally but I would hate not having them close with me during this. Absolutely hate it. We're now staying together at home it's the best for us all.

oooompa · 23/03/2020 21:21

Does this mean that we cannot drop our children off to their relative who is taking care of them while we work?

We are both key workers and made arrangements for the days we work for someone to watch them to prevent sending them to school. If the lock down now means that we cannot drop off at our relatives or they come to us then we'll have to put them back into school and nursery which we wanted to avoid Confused

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/03/2020 21:21

I thought the message was very clear too, stay within the household. So whichever parent currently has them keeps them for at least the next three weeks.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 23/03/2020 21:21

People are already misconstruing what was said and trying to find ways that it doesn't apply to them.

If your child is asymptomatic but carrying the virus then, by swapping them between homes, you are putting other people's lives at risk. Why do people think their wish to be with their children trumps the need to protect others' lives?

And he didn't talk about essential travel.

StrictlySeparated · 23/03/2020 21:21

No court order here but will give XP access to visit the DCs if he wants it (he has no overnights) as I know he is virtually isolating and only sees us (and essential shopping). No less isolated than we would be if he lived here.

Curious78 · 23/03/2020 21:22

I don't know...I just want to do the right thing.

dellacucina · 23/03/2020 21:22

It seems pretty clear that this would not be classified as essential travel.

DingleberryRose · 23/03/2020 21:22

You’re not meant to have contact with other households. Custody exchanges massively breaches this. Keep children in one place!!

Crabonastick · 23/03/2020 21:23

I would think this means no to exchanging contact? It would be good if CAFCASS could update their website to reflect the current guidance

Wait a second ... how do we do custody exchanges?!
Wait a second ... how do we do custody exchanges?!
copycopypaste · 23/03/2020 21:24

You are allowed to go to a supermarket so without touching or coming near he other parent the child could just walk across the supermarket car park although that will obviously mean child has contact with 2 households so more risky than one. Probably on balance worth the risk

Maybe you think it's worth the risk but the medical specialists advising the prime minister obviously don't think it is. This isn't about you not contacting the other parent, but by doing that, you're exposing two households rather than one

Did you not listen to the bit about how many people get infected by not limiting exposure to one household?

It's really not that difficult.

Limit your exposure to your one household, having one person floating between two doesn't limit it to one household. And this comes from someone who has one dc at home and one with my ex

nopointinstaying · 23/03/2020 21:26

I share care with my ex 50:50 and am due to change over on Weds (currently with me).

To compound the confusion I only have a couple of day's fresh food in the house as I buy everything after changeovers. If they have to stay with me am I meant to take them in the supermarket? wtf

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 23/03/2020 21:30

@oooompa

Does this mean that we cannot drop our children off to their relative who is taking care of them while we work?
Yes. What is so hard to understand about this? Prime Minister Johnson has never made a more clear statement.

The PM gave the instances whereby we can leave our homes. This was not one of them. He specifically said about not visiting relatives too.

If the lock down now means that we cannot drop off at our relatives or they come to us then we'll have to put them back into school and nursery which we wanted to avoid
It isn't a case of what you want or don't want now. We are all having to do things we don't want. It's about saving the lives of those around us, saving our own lives and saving the NHS from collapse.

DrFoxtrot · 23/03/2020 21:30

I'm a key worker HCP and I declined the offer of school places for my DC so I could work when XH has the kids - 40 hours a week including two long days. If the DC are going between two houses, I see that as less problematic than potential contact with numerous other children at school Confused.

I count this as essential as I will not be able to work the long days, when XH usually has the kids, if they are with me the whole time.

And I can't realistically WFH long term.

Original poster
PicsInRed · 23/03/2020 21:30

Exactly crabon, cafcass guidance previously endorsed continuing contact.

I'm now also a bit worried that if I hand our child over now, I'll lose them to an even stricter lockdown next week.

🤔

Fingers crossed for some specific instruction around contact, ordered and otherwise.

OP posts:
Pickles89 · 23/03/2020 21:30

@Wallywobbles

What are you doing for food?