Resentment building up at work re parents / non parents

[alltoomuchrightnow]

In my work place, the parents with no emergency childcare have been sent home . Obviously they have no choice on this as can't bring their kids to work.
The childless (me included - or those with older kids) are to stay and work unless we display any symptoms or are firmly in the at risk category.
As far as we know, all the parents and kids so far are fine - healthy and isolating. (so called, as FB says different for some!)
The resentment amongst my co workers is huge. The parents are at home on full pay. We are having to do some really crappy jobs (extra jobs) with a limited work force. We are all having to do jobs completely outside our normal remit. Things we have no training for , no experience in.
The atmosphere is awful. I am in no way resentful to my co workers who are parents as we know this is a crazy situation, but none of us working feel valued. My boss also knows I have an underlying health condition but as I don't display any worrying symptoms she said they need me to be there 'because the parents cannot be'. I actually want to work. I couldn't stand being at home, and want to keep busy (we are no longer working with the public...we stopped that). But it's so toxic. My co workers are moaning all day. Whereas I was accepting of the situation I'm now feeling very negative. My employers have made us feel we are doing a 'special' job to support the parents, but in fact this has been the case my entire working life. (nearly 3 decades) in terms of parents always had priority, in whatever job I had. Of course this is a situation no one could ever have foreseen.
All i want to do is just go in each day and do my job, go home. I know everyone has a right to moan and be pissed off but morale is so low. Don't know how to switch off from it especially when my colleagues don't understand why I WANT to be there. They say it's unfair the others are being paid to be at home watching Disney with the kids while we are doing horrible work in a stressful situation. That the parents can go shopping when they want, they have an advantage over us, etc. Can walk the dog etc while we are working anti social hours. And will all be doing extra hours in the weeks or months to come. (I've already been doing mainly 7 days a week for months, and am exhausted)
If I carry on listening to it all I'm going to start feeling resentful too and I don't want that. It's not me and I want to keep our team going as best we can.
Not really asking for a solution here as don't see one! just needed to vent a bit

Minty, I've been STICKING UP FOR THE PARENTS. Why would I offer to go and homeschool peoples children? For a start, I have to go into work every day , why would I do that too? What an odd thing to say. When did i say i had the shitty end of the stick??

Emily, v true, there are times I need certain dates off and it can be very hard, but mainly I try to be away when schools aren't off! But I'm not the only one with responsibilities. My parents only have me and my dad has a serious condition. Children always get the priority and not those helping out with parents. So on that score, definitely unfair

I meant, I have responsibilities too... it's not just the parents.

Emily, they are off totally. Some have partners at home. But they aren't expected to come in , most for a month

Thankyou , Leighhalfpenny

It does sound like you've had a very rough deal over the years, OP, and I'm sorry if it sounded as if I was having a go at you. I'm not at all as you've quite clearly put up with a lot of shit over the years.

I was responding to posters suggesting that parents were on holiday and watching Disney all day, and should be working at home. I just see how it is for my DH, coping with looking after our DDs because I'm not well, whilst trying to work. It's definitely not a holiday for him!

Thanks, Mittens. The Disney comments were never mine. It was from the working parents re the non working, in fact.
I couldn't stand to be on lockdown entertaining kids.. I'm not a homebody at all at the best of times. I just want people to get on with their jobs and pull together in this crazy time

Yes it does feel like a 'punishment' as times as have had 3 decades of having the last dibs on holidays, working all the Christmas, bank hols, weekends etc

Thats what i thought reading this earlier today...that there had to be more to it.

Maybe if the parents had done their share in the past the others wouldnt be so resentful now.
You reap what you sow

I couldn't agree more, OP. We all need to pull together, especially as we have no idea how long this is going to go on for and how bad this could be. But then, my feelings are also influenced by the fact that I was very unwell last weekend and am still coping with coughing fits.

Arguing amongst ourselves isn't helpful, it shouldn't be a competition.

e. Some are posting on FB re jollies at the seaside

If it was pensioners doing this a lot of people on this board would be up in arms.

Agreed, It's not a competition. It's not great for anyone right now

www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/coronavirus-covid19-parents-kids-childcare?origin=shp

Maybe take a look at this article on juggling demands of childcare and work, and ask your zero empathy colleagues to look at it too.

@Mittens030869 I am well aware having Covid-19 isn’t a lifestyle choice. I just thought it worth reminding people having children is. Especially when they are suggesting nonsense like OP take a turn caring for their children, this is in especially bad taste when they are infertile and have been working their fingers to the bone at work

@alltoomuchrightnow l can see why you are hacked off and l can see why your colleagues aren’t thrilled by co-workers beach jollies. Interesting work are asking you to flexible when it sounds like you always have been and others haven’t. Nice to see your boss is leading by example 🙄 It would be helpful if people were actually reading the thread, before going in all guns blazing....

I do hope after all this people start to think hard about whether they will be suitable parents and stop to think before having children.
It is your responsibility to sort out your children.
All these poor men who can't possibly work whilst having their own child in the house, boo bloody hoo. They are not performing brain surgery.
Some of US have had to work, do the housework and look after our children.

@emilybrontescorsett Ah yes, but looking after adopted children with attachment issues isn't the same, especially when one of them is having violent meltdowns at nearly 11 years old; she throws whatever is to hand and has been violent to me in the past. She doesn't have an EHCP, because she's too bright and isn't far enough behind.

I can't help much, because, as I said, I'm not well. And we can't afford for my DH to get ill, too. And even when I'm not ill, I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and complex PTSD as a result of of childhood SA. (Not a lifestyle choice, either, except where my F was concerned).

My DH does his best to wok, when he isn't playing referee between our DDs. A stir crazy DD1 is a nightmare, whereas, if it were just DD2 (8), it would be a breeze. So those who have NT children don't understand this. (Although you could argue that adoptive parents are warned that it won't be easy, and do have access to support which isn't available to people with bio children with SEN, I see my DSis struggling with her DS (8), without any support.)

My DH's job is important, too; he's principal engineer for the bridges section of our LCC, so we have thought about getting DD1 into school (not DD2). But on the other hand, I'm only too aware that we have to stop COVID-19 from spreading.

Some of us really only are trying to get through this.

Obviously I mean after we're out of self-isolation, though we might be in lockdown by then.

Is there an opportunity to speak to your manager or HR and explain the situation with your coworkers and seek some solutions to boost morale for those at work picking up the slack? Maybe management could introduce some flexible work patterns so you can take turns coming in later or leaving earlier to allow you to go shopping? Is your role something that can be done working from home? It would be nice if your employer could make some sort of gesture (a bonus?) for those who are covering the work of others. My DD is working long hours in a big supermarket and her employer has promised all workers a bonus of one months salary in June as a thank you for all their hard work which has boosted morale immensely.

Everybody is having to cope.
Lots of my family have lost their jobs.
It’s alright saying we’ll go and work as x or y that won’t pay for your next meal.
I know how hard it is looking after children, I’ve done it!!!!

Lots of parents are lone parents through no fault if their own and have far worse times than working from home with a partner who isn’t working.
Having a child IS a choice.
I’m not buying all this woe is me having to look after my own child.
Sorry been there and got the t shirt.
We are all struggling.
This is no excuse for the op to be treated this way. I don’t agree with her co-workers moaning about it like this. However from what I’ve read it looks like it’s time the op said ‘no more’ .
She is doing more than enough if someone has a partner then they can work around it in the ops case.

With all due respect, @emilybrontescorsett my DH isn't moaning about it, he's getting on with it and trying to work as much as he can. But I can see how hard it is for him, so I'm allowed to express sympathy, aren't I?

Yes, I'm sure you've got the T shirt for a lot of things, but have you had a SEN child, who had a head injury as a baby and lashes out regularly, and needs a lot of supervision still at nearly 11? DD2 is a breeze by contrast. Have you ever adopted?

I'm allowed to notice when my DH is under pressure. He's also had to look after me, whilst trying not to catch what I've got, as he has asthma so is in an at risk group. It was also very scary for him last weekend when he called 999 for me, because I could barely breathe. My DD2 is having nightmares about her mummy dying.

This is from the ill non working parent, not the one who is working. He wouldn't have time to be on Mumsnet. I've said that I agree that the OP has been unfairly treated, but this really shouldn't be parent/non-parent. It's about all of us having to get through a pandemic as best we can. Yes, we made a choice to be parents (particularly when we adopt!), but you can't honestly say that we all know what will be involved in that choice.

Yes, we're all under pressure, so having empathy for each other wouldn't go amiss.

Surely they are WFH not just being off?

Yes they would be WFH; people are being asked to do so if they possibly can. My DH and his colleagues have all been asked to WFH if they can. But it sounds like it's not the case in the OP's work situation.

I would like to point out that although parents chose to have children, most of us didn't choose to homeschool and looked forward to having more freedom once our DC started school, and this new situation is stressful for everyone

It's a shit situation.

But what are the alternatives?

1. Force parents to work and leave small children home alone?
2. Allow parents to take the time off but refuse to pay them?
3. Send everyone home, regardless of whether they have children or not, on full pay - and accept that the business will stop operating and possibly fold, endangering everyone's jobs?

Hobsons choice, really, for the business owner.

And parents have also been told not to leave their DC with grandparents, plus most childminders are no longer operating (my DDs' childminder isn't). So it isn't the parents' fault that they're in this position, though I do understand why people without kids are feeling hard done by.

But it's the OP's manager who is taking the piss here and he doesn't have children.

I think the point more being is OP is probably questioning for those in 2 parent families there is likely to be another parent home unless care/essential workers. Because I'd be miffed too tbh if I knew I was covering when an alternative was available AND like most of the UK are treating it like a bloody holiday.

I think you're just going to have to be blunt with them OP. If they start moaning to you, just tell them to stop. Say you're not interested in listening to their complaining and remove yourself. We have someone at work who moans constantly about everything and it brings you down. I usually find an 'If your going to moan, find someone else' effective