Resentment building up at work re parents / non parents

[alltoomuchrightnow]

In my work place, the parents with no emergency childcare have been sent home . Obviously they have no choice on this as can't bring their kids to work.
The childless (me included - or those with older kids) are to stay and work unless we display any symptoms or are firmly in the at risk category.
As far as we know, all the parents and kids so far are fine - healthy and isolating. (so called, as FB says different for some!)
The resentment amongst my co workers is huge. The parents are at home on full pay. We are having to do some really crappy jobs (extra jobs) with a limited work force. We are all having to do jobs completely outside our normal remit. Things we have no training for , no experience in.
The atmosphere is awful. I am in no way resentful to my co workers who are parents as we know this is a crazy situation, but none of us working feel valued. My boss also knows I have an underlying health condition but as I don't display any worrying symptoms she said they need me to be there 'because the parents cannot be'. I actually want to work. I couldn't stand being at home, and want to keep busy (we are no longer working with the public...we stopped that). But it's so toxic. My co workers are moaning all day. Whereas I was accepting of the situation I'm now feeling very negative. My employers have made us feel we are doing a 'special' job to support the parents, but in fact this has been the case my entire working life. (nearly 3 decades) in terms of parents always had priority, in whatever job I had. Of course this is a situation no one could ever have foreseen.
All i want to do is just go in each day and do my job, go home. I know everyone has a right to moan and be pissed off but morale is so low. Don't know how to switch off from it especially when my colleagues don't understand why I WANT to be there. They say it's unfair the others are being paid to be at home watching Disney with the kids while we are doing horrible work in a stressful situation. That the parents can go shopping when they want, they have an advantage over us, etc. Can walk the dog etc while we are working anti social hours. And will all be doing extra hours in the weeks or months to come. (I've already been doing mainly 7 days a week for months, and am exhausted)
If I carry on listening to it all I'm going to start feeling resentful too and I don't want that. It's not me and I want to keep our team going as best we can.
Not really asking for a solution here as don't see one! just needed to vent a bit

The parents should have work they can do from home. If you all work from an office and not client facing then you all should be working from home.

I feel for you. Being around constant negativity is unpleasant and it can be difficult not to get dragged down by it.

The next time someone moans I would tell them you are grateful that parents are at home as it means you are all safer. You are being exposed to fewer people who might be carriers of the virus.

People with easily-bored children at home will be suffering too. You derive social benefits from being at work. It is better to have things to do, to challenge you mentally and/or physically. Can you not explain this, nicely, to your whingeing colleagues?

You could tell them to STFU, that you are sick of them being moaning Minnies, but I think you are probably too nice to do that. It might strike them dumb though if you did.

I work in a large team with colleagues some of whom are parents and some not. The atmosphere is great except for 2 members of staff, parents with partners who can be home working, doing the split day as mentioned above, and that seems fair, but they don't want to come in to work because it exposes them to the virus. None of us want the virus.

OP you need to talk to management about 1/. Giving some of the work to the parents to do at home and 2/ boosting morale of staff who are in work. It’s crap but life is crap for everyone at the moment tbh.

I work in a school and will be working from home from now on, as will DH, because we have 3 kids, I am in the at risk category as are 2 of the kids, it is self isolating for us now and I am dreading it tbh. I will really miss the social interaction of work. If I wanted to home educate my children I would have been doing it already!

It will not be watching Disney all day!! The kids all have daily work they have been set by school, so will need supervision and help with their homework, this is difficult, esp DD who is studying at GCSE level now, it’s not just a bit of colouring-in!
at the same time DH and I will be working from home, we really don’t want to lose our jobs so are very aware we can’t be slacking off! I don’t know how it will work yet, we are going to draw up the rota this weekend, probably take it in turns to supervise kids / do our own work, and also work evenings and weekends to make up the time. I am on part time pay so I don’t get paid for school holidays, but as the Easter holidays are in effect cancelled, I will now have to work during those weeks. I am not bothered, I am just so glad I have a job and that my managers have been accommodating to allow us working from home.

Is there no way any of the work can be set to do from home? Even if it means changing people’s roles around?
I have been loaned a laptop, they have set up Microsoft Teams etc.

It’s all not fair on anyone really. Parents are also having to deal with the emotional fallout, it’s particularly hard on those in Y6, 11 and 13. I saw many kids in floods of tears when collecting my youngest from the playground for the last time yesterday. I am expecting a lot of emotional ups and downs over the next few months.

I don’t think it helps to wallow in ‘not fair!’
Instead focus on positives and look at practical ways to ease the burden and stress.

@ScabbyBabby
I don’t feel sorry for idiots who manage to feel envy or hard done by in this situation because some parents had to go home to look after their chicken.

You’re a fool if you can’t see the bigger picture.
Don't have a go at the OP. You've mis-read the post. The OP is not feeling hard done by or envious of parents at home. She's happy to work but can't deal with her colleagues who are dragging her down with their negativity about it.

She just wants help with not getting dragged down by them.

To be honest I've always found that the colleagues who complain about 'parent privilege' are usually the same ones who find provisons made for disabled workers 'unfair' and moan about benefits claimants having more than them.

Professional victims who have never really seemed to grow up.

@Marieo

If it makes you feel better about them getting full pay to pay the bills and keep a roof over their heads; thousands (if not millions?) of parents are having to take unpaid leave, for a situation out of their control.
You have misunderstood the OP. She is not complaining about the parents getting full pay for being at home with their children. She is glad to be working but struggling with the negativity of other colleagues who are moaning about them.

@BIWI
Fuck me, how selfish is this?! You have a job!. Thousands of people almost literally overnight, if they work in hospitality, do not have a job.

You and your colleagues need to grow up.
You need to read the post properly.

@SuperSleepyBaby

Think about the doctors and nurses and what they will be faced with soon at work.

This sounds very self pitying. Yes, it is annoying that you have to work harder but what else can be done?
Another one who needs to read the post properly. You have totally misunderstood what the OP has stated.

All I will say is that I'm sure those parents would rather be at work... Months at home with 2 children is not going to be plesent to be honest! For me coming to work is my days off.. No idea how my wife copes at home with 2 little every day

The parents should have work they can do from home. If you all work from an office and not client facing then you all should be working from home

Absolutely. Why should those without kids be the ones to put themselves at risk and pick up slack for those who can stay home?

To be honest I've always found that the colleagues who complain about 'parent privilege' are usually the same ones who find provisons made for disabled workers 'unfair' and moan about benefits claimants having more than them

Really? I've always found that those with kids take everything and don't give a fuck about anyone else.

OP, at the risk of sounding trite and preachy, i want to encourage you. you have no power over these circumstances but you do have power to decide how you are going to respond to them.

you could decide to counter every negative comment with a positive, a reminder that your job is essential and worthwhile.

i have a gcse child who is responding negatively to his circumstances and i am saying the same to him, that his character and resilience is growing during this thing, and he will be changed for the better.

I wish all employers were as understanding as yours. We’ve been told we can have 3 days to find emergency childcare!

I am a single parent and qualify as a key worker as does my ex but the hours my School are doing don’t cover my whole working day, and by the time I get a bus to and from work it just won’t work. I don’t know how to spread my leave/unpaid parental leave to cover an unknown period of time. So many people are in the same boat.

I think the way you're feeling is really understandable. Especially if you have been working 7 days a week for months - I'm not sure that that's actually legally allowed. But also it's obvious that working people like that will cause huge physical and mental health issues. If you have a HR I would talk to them about it. The reality is that if their workforce is halved your company has to half the work they're doing. Obviously if you're in essential work they won't want to do that and will push people to work more but if this goes on for months they'll end up losing people to exhaustion and mental breakdowns (as well as all the normal illnesses people get - you're much more likely to get sick if you're run down). Maybe a bit different if you're in NHS or similar, but they will still need to be really aware of it and try their best to mitigate it.

With the parents it sounds like your work has handled it really badly. Why would all parents need to go home to look after the kids? Are they all single parents/partners to key workers? If not then they should be coming in even if it's at different hours to usual or not completely full time. They should be looking to see if they can extend working hours so there's a more staggered workforce. It's understandable that everyone else resents them with the current situation.

I totally get you @alltoomuchrightnow.

I’d be pissed off too. A child is like a get out of ‘jail’ free card these days with ‘jail’ being any obligation they don’t want to undertake!

Still, I just remind myself that at the end of the day when I get home after picking up all of their slack, I can put my PJs on, eat chocolate, binge watch Netflix and have an interrupted nights sleep.

My free time is and always will be my own!

Perhaps when all of this is over those of you that had to stay and work should be given an extra week of annual leave as a thank you. Covered of course by all the grateful parents.

@janeskettle
@MsTSwift
@AxisOfDick
@bluetongue

Please read the post properly and stop criticising the OP for wrongly-perceived criticisms. She is not complaining about the parents who have been sent home. She is asking for help to deal with the negativity of her whingeing colleagues.

Why are so many on this thread struggling to read and comprehend the OP's post?
Has our education system failed us?

One of my colleagues has been making a big fuss about when her nursery closes, and only being able to work an hour or two a day when her child is napping. I know she has a husband who also works from home, so why they aren’t sharing the childcare equally I don’t know.. I don’t envy her at all, but think her partner needs to sort himself out.

They should either be working from home or taking unpaid dependants leave. Resentment isn’t going to help the situation and you would hope those that can’t go into the workplace would be doing all they can from home to assist.

The thing is, a lot of parents who are currently home also have paid childcare such as a nanny or au-pair.

There are so many things about all of this that are not fair. And I do get your frustration but it really is not the fault of the parents that they can not access childcare. I’m in early years, self employed and at the moment, it’s a really bad place to be. We would rather be working and we aren’t being put on full pay to do nothing. I’ve lost the majority of my income over night, so I think anyone with a job is lucky!

Can you try looking at it’s different way. Your colleague is staying at home with her dc to protect the frontline staff From the virus. If all the dc are mixing it is highly likely that the doctors children will catch the virus, Therefore taking the doctor out of work. You might need the doctor to save your life.

I do think work should be looking at ways to ‘spread the load’ and trying to send work home for the parents to complete though (although depending on your industry, this might not be possible?) so the rest of you aren’t so put upon.

I don’t have answers but did not want to ignore. What a horrble situation! I can appreciate how exhausted you are and how the negative remarks are getting to you. Challenge if you can, speak to managers if possible and hold the thought that the employees who step up now, don’t moan and hold the organisation together may be very well regarded in the future when the reviews come round. Can only send you best wishes and hope you find the strength to carry on.

Everyone is fed up and very stressed, so being able to have an “us” and “them” is a big emotional crutch for some.
If there’s no way to work from home, can parent colleagues be encouraged (by the boss!) to do other useful tasks? Volunteer in the community, weed communal flower beds, litter pick, whatever? If they’re well and healthy and can completely distance.

OP I totally get what you are saying, yes in this crisis there is nothing else that can be done, 1 parent has to be at home with the children. It is galling to see those said parents out and about on FB whilst you ar working 7 days a week and are totally unappreciated.
When this is all over i hope fairness is shown and evryone is treated the same, parents cant have priority over holidays,they cant just expect co-workers to pick up the slack because a parent wants the morning off for the nativity play etc Maybe it is time we were all equal.
Stay healthy

I think the ops main unfairness is that people with children are at home on full pay, it's as if you are being penalised for not having children, yes it's not the kids fault or the parents, the op could have elderly parents who need help by them selves or other people that rely on them, will they get paid days off to go and help them, probably not, everyone should be treated fairly imo.

I think resentment is going to build between some people anyway. There will always be those that take the piss, because they have always been piss takers. We are all resentful of panic buyers (although l know no one who has bought a trolley of toilet roll, do you?), key workers will be resentful of non key workers...the list goes on and on.