Resentment building up at work re parents / non parents

[alltoomuchrightnow]

In my work place, the parents with no emergency childcare have been sent home . Obviously they have no choice on this as can't bring their kids to work.
The childless (me included - or those with older kids) are to stay and work unless we display any symptoms or are firmly in the at risk category.
As far as we know, all the parents and kids so far are fine - healthy and isolating. (so called, as FB says different for some!)
The resentment amongst my co workers is huge. The parents are at home on full pay. We are having to do some really crappy jobs (extra jobs) with a limited work force. We are all having to do jobs completely outside our normal remit. Things we have no training for , no experience in.
The atmosphere is awful. I am in no way resentful to my co workers who are parents as we know this is a crazy situation, but none of us working feel valued. My boss also knows I have an underlying health condition but as I don't display any worrying symptoms she said they need me to be there 'because the parents cannot be'. I actually want to work. I couldn't stand being at home, and want to keep busy (we are no longer working with the public...we stopped that). But it's so toxic. My co workers are moaning all day. Whereas I was accepting of the situation I'm now feeling very negative. My employers have made us feel we are doing a 'special' job to support the parents, but in fact this has been the case my entire working life. (nearly 3 decades) in terms of parents always had priority, in whatever job I had. Of course this is a situation no one could ever have foreseen.
All i want to do is just go in each day and do my job, go home. I know everyone has a right to moan and be pissed off but morale is so low. Don't know how to switch off from it especially when my colleagues don't understand why I WANT to be there. They say it's unfair the others are being paid to be at home watching Disney with the kids while we are doing horrible work in a stressful situation. That the parents can go shopping when they want, they have an advantage over us, etc. Can walk the dog etc while we are working anti social hours. And will all be doing extra hours in the weeks or months to come. (I've already been doing mainly 7 days a week for months, and am exhausted)
If I carry on listening to it all I'm going to start feeling resentful too and I don't want that. It's not me and I want to keep our team going as best we can.
Not really asking for a solution here as don't see one! just needed to vent a bit

I would be pissed too. Highly unfair to treat the parents and childless different. Not sure what the solution is.

All you can do is try and ignore the negativity.

It's starting to rub off on me as I feel us childless don't count. I have infertility and felt inadequate anyway as lots of negativity thrown my way over the years. I don't blame my co workers as starting to agree.
Just wish morale was higher, it's horrible going in

I am struggling to understand what your co-workers have an issue with. This is an unusual crisis situation. Parents are unable to work as there is no childcare and no school. People in the high risk group are also unable to work. If your work or employer can't offer wfh, I can't see what anyone can do about the situation. Sadly it means that those still at work have to do more/different jobs. We all have to chip in and do what we can in crisis. Your co-workers should be pleased to be able to do their bit.

It's just the way it is, no-one can do anything about it, and moaning about how "unfair" it a is, is a bit childish really. As I would have said to my son when he was little "well, sometimes life is unfair and you just have to get on with it!" It shouldn't really need to be said to adults when we are facing the biggest crisis in modern times.

The parents should be working from home. Suggest you get together with the moaning colleagues and try to create some work from home solutions for the parents. These are extraordinary times so they will just need to figure out how to do their work across the day (rather than the working day) around their kids.

Think about the doctors and nurses and what they will be faced with soon at work.

This sounds very self pitying. Yes, it is annoying that you have to work harder but what else can be done?

Of course they have to treat people differently in these circumstances - if people have no childcare do you think they should insist people leave small children at home alone and go to work so it is ‘fair’ for everyone?

Would it help to think that it’s the children you are supporting rather than the parents?

Just think how awful if is for all the kids, not being able to see this friends or any of their relatives or go out and do anything fun.

I’m a key worker so will need to go out to work, husband is working from home with the kids - I’m not sure he has it any better than I do. At least I’ll be able to keep busy, interact with people have new things to say each day, like the world is still turning. I think being at home will also be damaging to people’s mental health!

No point in getting annoyed at other people and their situations - though if you have an underlying health condition do you not have to self isolate? In my work if you choose to come to work despite having an underlying health condition you need to have it in writing that you’ve chosen to attend work!

Your colleagues need to grow up.

What is it your colleagues expect the parents to do? Short of abandoning their children to appease you all.
Sometimes life isn’t fair and that’s tough shit unfortunately, you have to get on with it and make the best of it.

🙄 it's this kind of navel gazing and self pitying that drives me insane. I get that this is not ideal, but please read the news and realise that this is a global crisis, you live in a community and as my very irritating ex used to say, 'eggs get broken when making an omelette'.

I am at home with my kids, meant to writing my post grad, but instead am doing up to four hours a day, with each child, home schooling, after paying private school fees. But it is what it is, these are exceptional times and approaching it with good humour helps enormously.

It's shit.

But what would you like parents to do? Leave their children at home on their own for 8 plus hours a day?

If they are not in the group of people who can use schools, they can't use grandparent care and likely not other care they might usually go to in an emergency, what choice is there?

Should they be forced to come in? Forced to quit and new childless people hired?

The whole situation is shit all round. Nobody wants to be in it. I don't work from home, but I do know people trying to work from home while they supervise and educate children long term is not exactly a super fun time.

I hear you, it's awful people who are there have to do extra work and have to expose themselves to a greater element of risk. It sucks.

It still is what it is.

So you would have your colleagues young children left unattended to spare your own feelings? Grow up. You sound about 12. Actually that’s unfair my 12 year old is dealing with this better than you.

What a load is self pitying crap.

Op, you have to suck it up
You have a job
You have no kids to worry about
Like others you do not have months ahead of home education when you have paid out fees

If your underlying condition means that you should be off then get yourself certified and stay off. But other than that.... be grateful you are where you are.

What are you gonna tell people afterwards, that you whinged and moaned throughout or that you supported others in a National emergency?

I think it's a bit rubbish that the parents don't have to work. Plenty of us parents are being required to continue to work from home and are managing to do so with kids. I have friends doing split shifts - one parent works 7am to 2pm while the other looks after the kids, then they swap for 2pm to 11pm or whatever. It's shit, work will need to be more flexible with the parents but everyone has to pitch in if we're all to get through this. I would suggest to management that they need to re-think their approach or they will have a mutiny amongst those staff members with no parenting responsibilities.

Why are you there with an underlying condition? Can you push back against that? Your boss shouldn't be putting you at risk.

My sister had a whinge about this. I told her she should be grateful to still have a secure, government job. That soon shut her that.

Plus there’s the fact that plenty of parents would probably rather be at work than trying to do home schooling with their children.

Do try not to blame the parents. That’s very poor management. Your employers have a duty of care to you as well. Being stressed and over worked can make you more susceptible to contracting illnesses. I agree with others about using the energy you have to finding a solution to put to management.

Can you ask them to stop telling you about it? Tell them you are glad to still have a job, given lots of people are being laid off? Or are you overhearing them talking to each other.

To be fair to the OP, it is the negative atmosphere she is complaining about, not the fact that parents are not working.

This crisis is really bad for creating them and us situations across almost every facet of daily life and we need to try and combat it.

Is there anything parents could do from home?

FWIW, DH would give his left nut to be spending his days at work instead of cooped up with our 3 DCs

Come spend the day with my kids and they’ll be begging to go to work. I’m not really joking and mine aren’t that terrible, albeit some additional needs makes it harder, especially when we start trying to get them to do school work. Plus DH is trying to work from home and we don’t have a big enough home as it is. I’m sure some of your colleagues at home with kids feel like you and would rather be back to normal. Ignore Facebook, it’s doesn’t reveal their real life just the one they want you to see.

I get you OP, not sure why lots of people are jumping down your throat; you are in a shitty situation and trying to stay positive when others are not. Your attitude is the right one and you need to focus on keeping sane throughout all of this. Yes, others have it worse but that doesn't mean you don't feel overwhelmed and stressed, and have the right to want a little vent about it here.

Agree with a PP about thinking of it as supporting the children. And is there anything any of the parents could do from home to ease the burden?

Wishing you well, and that you stay safe

I like the idea upthread of sending some work home for the parents to do.

Is this a joke? You think the parents “always” get priority? I really hope you’re a parent one day and you will realize how ridiculous that comment is. Trying to hold down a job whilst being a parent is effing hard work. We earn less for a start because we have to work flexibly. We lose out on pension whilst on maternity leave and due to working part time. We miss out on after work socializing. We miss out on promotion because we can’t put in the extra hours. And for the 1st three years almost every penny we earn is spent on childcare. This country does not put parents first.

You think the parents are all at home having a great time right now? The truth is, we’re stuck at home desperately trying to keep our kids safe, entertained and fed. It’s an almost impossible job. Imagine having children to feed at a time like this when the shelves are bare? I can tell you I’m hardly sleeping because of the worry of it.

You need to get some perspective unless you have a magical childcare solution that you’re not sharing with us?

Whats the childrens fault what are the parents meant to do?! At least you jave a job. Take your frustratiin at your managers and work a solution to WFH.

@User1480880826 If you RTFT, you’d see the OP is unable to have children. And she WANTS to work. It’s her co-workers who don’t.

Geez...

Your co workers need to think themselves lucky that they still HAVE a job to moan about. Some of us have lost ours (temporarily hopefully ) and are worrying about making ends meet.