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Original poster

AIBU to think a teenager can't be fully socially isolated?

150 replies

TheLittleDogLaughed · 16/03/2020 18:11

My dd is 17, nearly 18 and at college. She has quite severe asthma, as do I and dh is 20 years older than me, in his mid-60s. He sees us all as an 'at risk' group and I do agree with him. I have told my daughter's college that she won't be going in for the time being, until we have better guidance. My dh wants us to completely isolate and for dd to not see her boyfriend who lives across London so has to use public transport to get to us. Most of her friends are a train ride away too. Given today's news that this might go on for 12 months, is it reasonable to expect her to stay at home, not see her boyfriend or her friends for all that time? How are you all dealing with this? Me and dh are at loggerheads and he is threatening to go away and stay with friends of his age who are prepared to fully isolate.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 16/03/2020 18:15

I think that we are living in utterly unpredictable and unprecedented times.

On the current guidance you are all not at particular risk and should avoid unnecessary social contact.

However, if because of health conditions you are at risk then she will be required to stay at home for 12 weeks. It’s not fair; it’s not fun but it’s necessary

Dishwashersaurous · 16/03/2020 18:16

Don’t think about 12 months- think 12 weeks

flyingspaghettimonster · 16/03/2020 18:16

My teen is using intagram video chat to 'see' uer boyfriend and friends. And a boardgame website to play games with them while they chat. My kids are a bit sad I won't let them play innthe street with the other kids, but they can go on our porch and chat to them.

Haworthia · 16/03/2020 18:17

No one is suggesting this isn’t difficult.

But we’re going to find ourselves in deep shit, as a society, if we all think social isolation is “too hard” and the advice can’t possibly apply to us.

Original poster
TheLittleDogLaughed · 16/03/2020 18:20

Thank you all. I guess I'm finding this all so surreal. I'm 50 and nothing like this has EVER happened in my lifetime. So like a lot of people I am torn between over and under reacting.

OP posts:
turkeyontheplate · 16/03/2020 18:23

My teenagers are frightened and furious, I have a cough and fever so we all have to hole up for 14 days. We've just told them. The 15yo is in the middle of his GCSE mocks and the 17yo has ASD and needs his routine. It's really difficult. But we have to do it and that's that, it would be unbelievably selfish not to co-operate. I'm waiting to find out whether I'm in the group that has to isolate for 12 weeks, I get the flu vaccine for diabetes and hypertension but the press conference was as clear as mud on who this actually applies to. I hope somebody will tell me, sooner or later?

Livingoffcoffee · 16/03/2020 18:26

As I've seen it put - this is the world war of our generation. We're being asked to stay at home to protect ourselves and others. With crazy amounts of technology to keep us entertained and in contact with each other.

No ones saying it's going to be easy. But it's a lot gentler of a call of duty than other generations have had.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 16/03/2020 18:28

It’s going to be really hard and affect relationships. But it has to be done. Her health comes before seeing her friends and BF face to face. It will all have to be via phone and social media, Skype etc.

TheCanterburyWhales · 16/03/2020 18:31

It's very hard in the teenagers in lockdown (I'm in Italy and teach 300 and have one at home) but the normality of online lessons and the blessings of social media contact helps.
If your DD is at risk, she should stay home.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 16/03/2020 18:33

I get the flu vaccine for diabetes and hypertension but the press conference was as clear as mud on who this actually applies to.

It said anyone who is advised to get the flu vaccine.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 16/03/2020 18:34

We live in a society where people think they can't do a lot of things they can. They can in Korea, they can in Japan, they can in the bloody UK as well! There is Internet, they can skype, there are things people can do they could not 50 years ago lets say when the technology was not there.
We need to suck it up and make the best out of the situation and stop complaining how not seeing a friend or hanging around at home for some time is harsh- it's to literally save lives!

HasaDigaEebowai · 16/03/2020 18:36

Anyone who has to have the flu vaccine for health reasons is in the group of those who are advised to self isolate for 12 weeks. The rules on self isolation are strict and involve not leaving the house.

Newforestclub · 16/03/2020 18:38

If people stay at home for 12 weeks, how are they supposed to earn money? I understand it's for the greater good of the whole population, but I do need to buy food for my kids, we can't starve to death. So I need to work. And go shopping cos there are no home delivery slots at all for the next 2 weeks in this area.

Newforestclub · 16/03/2020 18:39

HasaDigaEebowai I thought they said those people in those groups could go out for walks

adaline · 16/03/2020 18:41

She needs to stay home. I know it's unpleasant and I know it's upsetting but it's literally a matter of life and death now.

Lots of people are stuck home now. She won't be the only one and she has access to the internet, FaceTime, phone calls and texts. It could be much, much worse.

Original poster
TheLittleDogLaughed · 16/03/2020 18:42

Newforestclub exactly. My work has transferred, mainly, to home. But there are things that I can't postpone indefinitely without breaching my job contract. Whilst it was 2-3 months I could adjust but now they are saying 12 months ... can I reasonably expect my dd to see no friends, no boyfriend, for that long? Let alone me.

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 16/03/2020 18:43

I don’t understand why people can’t just do what’s sensible to flatten the curve.

If everyone properly isolated for a few weeks it could give health services a fighting chance!

I’d like to think that even teenagers are less selfish than people give them credit for.

Original poster
TheLittleDogLaughed · 16/03/2020 18:44

adaline that's fine thinking about it NOW. But in 6 months time? 12 months? It really will be very difficult. And also difficult to get back into normal life after. She will have missed half a year of college too.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLittleDogLaughed · 16/03/2020 18:45

OhCaptain it isn't just a few weeks though, is it? Realistically.

OP posts:
Genevieva · 16/03/2020 18:46

You need to take your husband's fears seriously. Your daughter could contract it on public transport or from her boyfriend. He could have it but be asymptomatic, then she could bring it home and give it to her Dad. If he gets pneumonia and dies you will not forgive yourself. 12 weeks might feel like a lifetime, but it is not. Just do it. She can Skype. If her boyfriend can't wait that long then he wasn't a keeper.

Haworthia · 16/03/2020 18:46

Whilst it was 2-3 months I could adjust but now they are saying 12 months ... can I reasonably expect my dd to see no friends, no boyfriend, for that long? Let alone me.

Firstly, no one has said 12 months (yet).

Secondly, they can be in contact 24/7 via social media.

Alsohuman · 16/03/2020 18:46

I thought they said those people in those groups could go out for walks

They did.

adaline · 16/03/2020 18:48

adaline that's fine thinking about it NOW. But in 6 months time? 12 months? It really will be very difficult. And also difficult to get back into normal life after. She will have missed half a year of college too.

But thousands if not millions of children will be in the exact same situation. It won't just be her. Nobody knows what will happen in 12 months time so worrying about that is pointless now. The government are advising the elderly and vulnerable to socially isolate. Your DD is very much at risk and should follow expert advice.

Nobody is saying it won't be difficult but this is our reality now.

MerryDeath · 16/03/2020 18:57

we are socially distancing and none of us have any underlying health conditions. if any of us had asthma i'd have come to this decision even sooner.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 16/03/2020 18:59

But in 6 months time? 12 months? It really will be very difficult. And also difficult to get back into normal life after. She will have missed half a year of college too.

Yes- as will so many others. The system will have to make adjustments. Honestly- I know this is all very shocking but we have to accept things are going to be very different for quite some time. Better she misses 6 months of college than never returning- right?