AIBU to think a teenager can't be fully socially isolated?

[TheLittleDogLaughed]

My dd is 17, nearly 18 and at college. She has quite severe asthma, as do I and dh is 20 years older than me, in his mid-60s. He sees us all as an 'at risk' group and I do agree with him. I have told my daughter's college that she won't be going in for the time being, until we have better guidance. My dh wants us to completely isolate and for dd to not see her boyfriend who lives across London so has to use public transport to get to us. Most of her friends are a train ride away too. Given today's news that this might go on for 12 months, is it reasonable to expect her to stay at home, not see her boyfriend or her friends for all that time? How are you all dealing with this? Me and dh are at loggerheads and he is threatening to go away and stay with friends of his age who are prepared to fully isolate.

I’m pretty sure that teenagers are the easiest group to completely isolate. At her age I would have been perfectly happy not leaving my room for an entire year!

Reginabambina it’s not quite as simple as that

She’s been seeing her boyfriend for over a year and they love each other. I’m not sure how easy many of us would find the prospect of not seeing our partners for a year. Especially at that age when emotions are intense.

My DD is 14 and has asthma and has the flu jab. So does that mean that she can't go to school for 12 weeks?

The anticipated curve is 12 weeks, not a year. Stop obsessing over 12 months. That's how long they think it might be about for and until a vaccine. I hate to draw the comparisons to war, but it's staying in the bloody house, with friends fully contactable. Many of us have been without our partners for a few months; my now DH went to Afghanistan for 6 when we were younger. Honestly she has to do it, otherwise this will never work. FFS.

For teens time is so much longer and love us much more intense, and death is an abstract.
Maybe, try to minimise the length of time you’re talking about. “Let’s see how things stand in two weeks”
At the moment her friends are out and about, but that is likely to change quite soon. And, sadly this is likely to affect someone closer to her circle of friends in time.
Facing into 12 weeks, or 12 months is an eternity. Focus on getting through shorter blocks of time.

I saw a meme yesterday which I can't find unfortunately but it said something like 'stop whining- our grandparents were sent to war. You're being sent to watch Netflix for 3 months'

Mine are quite keen on a "pandemic" (the board game) marathon. Teens have a slightly different perspective on the world.

They are just going to have to write to each other like the olden days!

Focusing on 12 weeks is a good idea. I wonder how easily life will get back to ‘normal’ after then ...

@TheLittleDogLaughed Would it help if you stopped planning and looking miles ahead? The guidance will change daily because it's an organic process. Nobody has done this before. We don't know what it'll be like in 12 weeks so we can't stress about not planning right. We just need to be cautious and put measures in place to mitigate the effects. So, make sure your Dd is communicating with friends online now, so that she doesn't feel desperately lonely after a few weeks of not going out.

Eckhart yes I think that’s what I’ll do, just take each day as it comes. We watched some trash tv last night and she had a beer, which helped a bit. Fortunately she’s into gaming so that can occupy some time. I’m hoping college will give her some work to do too ...

Unfortunately she hates social media - I always saw that as a plus until now!

If she games she more than likely chats online anyway? I know that’s how my ds will be keeping in touch with friends!

She games with her boyfriend, which they will still do. None of her female or college friends do though. I've broken it to her this morning that probably for the next 12 weeks we will be at home, with an occasional trip to the chemist or supermarket. We might drive out to a park somewhere too, just to get some movement. Honestly I'm not looking forward to this at all. In abstract it seems like it should be okay but when you wake up in the morning and look at the day ahead, it feels shit.

What about some yoga videos on YouTube? There are loads of free really good programmes and in 12 weeks you’d get decently into it!

It’s good for you muscles and very calming. And a nice activity to do together?

Give them Anne Franks diary to read. Now that was isolation. We have tv, internet, phones et cetera. We're fine.

My DD has been isolated from the age of 14-18 so far. They can do it. It's not easy, and it's shit, but it's possible. Second PP advice to read Anne Frank's diary.

My daughter uses video calling on Wattsapp to stay in contact with friends. She also plays online games with them whilst chatting.

Well Anne Franks was on the school curriculum way back for dd and we visited the museum in Amsterdam. Plus we are Jewish! But it's not really comparable.

The main reason being that the government are not being clear about the danger, there is too much variability and leeway in their information. Some people are carrying on as normal, some are not. It's vague. The threat of the Nazis to Jewish people (my ancestors) was much more clear.

Exactly. That way your children might realise how lucky they are with just some social distancing in this day and age.

We’re on self-isolation. DS 18 is communicating via FaceTime/Skype/etc plus being emailed work from school etc.

@TheLittleDogLaughed I understand it's hard for your daughter not to see her boyfriend and that she feels upset- it is not ideal (far from it) and it's normal to feel upset about it. But I think we all need a bit of a perspective here and build up resiliecne through this experience. It's larger than this and jus not being able to see friends.
Ages ago when in school I got ill and had to spend 2+ weeks bedridden. No Internet, no mobile phones, 2 channels on the TV. And survived. This is going to be longer of course, but the more people hang about there living life as normal, the longer it will take to contain it. I think young people also need to understand it's not about what is 'fair' in this case, and a bit of sacrifice will go a long way.

Standrewsschool that would be helpful. dd's college are totally silent so far, no plans. So she's just at home and nobody is responding to my emails.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile I think it would be a lot easier for dd if there was a clear policy on that. At the moment, all her friends and her boyfriend are going to college and meeting up 'as normal.'