To say I will not have my grand children

[Bottletopsx]

If and I mean If, the coronavirus spreads across the whole of the Uk. I am considering telling my daughter in law that I can not take care of her 2 children. At the moment I look after a 2 year old two days a week and a 9 year old after school and both of them when there is no school. My husband and I are in our 60s and he had high blood pressure and a heart complaint and I have a lung problem. We love the kids to bits but they go to so many different people we are worried that they may get coronavirus and show no symptoms yet pass it on to us. We are in the group that is at high risk. I dont want to let my daughter in law down but I am worried for our health. I honestly dont know what to do for the best.

Please talk to her she should understand.

its so difficult I have the same feelings with my parents its so hard to know what to do

I would tell her now so she can arrange an alternative. It’s not if, it’s when.

Are you sure you are in the high risk group? Dad is in his 60s and has heart failure and was told to carry on (taking prevention steps) as normal by his consultant. You should get proper medical advice

Who are the parents of the children you do look after?

Say no if you want, but don't pussy foot around it and lead them to believe you may do it!

The parents are my son and daugher in law. I am not pussyfutting around.

I'm sure she'll understand. Are they her children or is your son the father? If so it's a problem for them to resolve together.

Is she a lone parent?

Is your daughter in law married to your son ? I’m confused .

YANBU and would expect your daughter in law not to ask you for childcare.

Sorry x post. Surely it's for your son to be involved in resolving then?

My kids are much older and therefore only really see their grandparents socially but my parents are starting to feel the same.
Warn her how you are feeling so she's prepared.

Many things may happen over the next few weeks from schools closures to working at home so some issues May be more or less of a threat each day and week

Talking is the most important thing

Why is this not your son’s business too?

Ok, so your son is the father.

YANBU to not look after the children.

YABU to be acting like it's DIL's problem only. The children have two parents.

If they aren't your grandchildren, then I wouldn't. But if they are your sons children.... Why would you be telling DIL and not him

Oh ok I see you actually mean your sons children. So you are helping him out so he can go to work. So what will he do if you stop helping him? Will his employers give him time off?

You should definitely tell your son to make alternative arrangements.

Of course YANBU

Why not tell your son? Or is he not involved in the children’s lives?

You have every right to protect your health, just give warning now.

Can I ask why you are just worried about the Coronavirus? And not say something like Influenza?
The flu kills lots of people every year and has killed more people than the Coronavirus.
Your grandchildren could potentially come
In contact with that. Flu jabs don’t cover all flu strains.
I understand you are worried and I have thought twice about visiting my dad, but I wonder if my concern is misplaced.

My son died so less of the accusing please,

Also finding it odd that you talk as if they're your daughter in law's children only and nothing to do with your husband.
I would speak honestly to them now so they have time to think of a contingency plan. It's not unreasonable as the older you are, the more at risk you seem to be. Perhaps they and their friends could each take some time off work as needed and mind kids between them.

Sorry, I've just read your update. It might have helped to say that at the outset though as people are bound to ask about the other parent. My advice otherwise still stands.

They do not have a dad anymore. My goodness I ask for advice and I get a torrent of accusations!

Ooft.