To say I will not have my grand children

[Bottletopsx]

If and I mean If, the coronavirus spreads across the whole of the Uk. I am considering telling my daughter in law that I can not take care of her 2 children. At the moment I look after a 2 year old two days a week and a 9 year old after school and both of them when there is no school. My husband and I are in our 60s and he had high blood pressure and a heart complaint and I have a lung problem. We love the kids to bits but they go to so many different people we are worried that they may get coronavirus and show no symptoms yet pass it on to us. We are in the group that is at high risk. I dont want to let my daughter in law down but I am worried for our health. I honestly dont know what to do for the best.

OP I think before it gets to that stage schools will be closed for non essential years (such as your GCs) so I wouldn't worry.
No point bringing it up and stressing them out until it becomes an issue.

I think I read it might peak at Easter.
There is community transmission now. Lots of non contact traceable ones.
The figures are not accurate as obviously there are already contacts of those 200+ cases walking about feeling bad. Even if people are not contagious until symptomatic they then have probably weeks of feeling a bit poorly.
So the Q is how long ago did those ones contract it. I
So don't base decision on numbers.
If it leaks are Easter many will need to catch it in the next 2w...
Or they could mean there might be a decrease because kids are off.Though judging by all the travel people insist on doing I think there could actually rocket

YANBU, OP. I hope your DiL understands.

I also hope that some of the usual vipers who jump on posts to be vile take a good hard look at themselves. But I see some are already justifying their spite.

Unbelievable that they would want to upset you more than you are already upset. But that's how they get their jollies.

Wow some vicious people around on here.

@Bottletopsx I am sorry for your loss, you sound amazing! My mum does most of my childcare for me and I am luckethat although she is 65 she is not in any other at risk group although dd is on chemo for an non cancer related illness and highly at risk so the coronavirus worries me a lot.

I think you need to just sit down and calmly talk to your dil, I'm sure she will understand and it's not like you are saying now, just if it get significantly worse and poses a high risk to you.

It won't be easy for her but hopefully she will understand

Wow some vicious people around on here.

Don’t be ridiculous. The OP didn’t explain about her son having sadly died despite this being a major part of why she does so much childcare and why this is a dilemma for her.

It completely changes the advice people give once they have all the information.

And I also thought it was an AIBU because the thread title starts “To ...” which it’s how most AIBU thread titles start.

It completely changes the advice people give once they have all the information

No it doesn't @FamilyOfAliens. The issue is that the OP feels at risk and doesn't know whether she should ask not to do the childcare. What parents the children have has absolutely no bearing on whether or not she should.

I can't believe we still have 'it's just the flu' posters floating about. I mean, give yourself a shake and actually read something from the WHO or PHE or basically anywhere that isn't a Facebook post from your cool mate Dave.

@FamilyOfAliens her son being dead or alive makes absolutely no difference to her question. She ultimaty wants to know if she is unreasonable to have a conversation with her dil over being in high risk groups and stopping childcare if this virus spread increases significantly. The answer to that is no she isn't. The fact her son is dead is of no consequence to the actual question. Don't be such a nasty poster.

My mother won't let me in the house because I work for the NHS. I have to wait until it's all blown over before we meet up. I suppose there is always Skype.

I think you are totally right.
You are a central part of your little family's life and cannot risk getting this illness given that you are both in high risk groups. Explaining your concerns is very sensible. Sorry for the loss of your son, it must be beyond difficult.

Hello. You sound like wonderful grandparents. I'm sure with all the coverage on the tv your daughter in law will understand your worries. Perhaps tell her sooner rather than later so she can make other arrangements for the children.

My husband and I are in our 60s and he had high blood pressure and a heart complaint and I have a lung problem.

YANBU at all.
I have not let my daughter see my 85yo dad for a month to protect him.
I also warned them to make preparations a month ago.

The schools will be closed soon so it won't be a problem for you

I think your DIL is probably thinking this too. Of course she’ll understand.

We’re in a similar situation but we’ve already talked about it.

OP. I’m sorry for the loss of your son. That must have been devastating for you, your DIL and your grandchildren.

I can understand your concern and I think you need to have the conversation with your DIL as soon as possible. Maybe make reference to how things have spread in other countries and that you’re thinking ahead. She may already be thinking the same.

My parents (in their 70s) collect my children from school one day a week and now I’m wondering whether I should have the same conversation with them.

The issue is that the OP feels at risk and doesn't know whether she should ask not to do the childcare.

No, in her OP she says twice that the issue it’s whether she should tell her DIL.

So naturally people asked why she wasn’t also planning to discuss it with her son. To describe these suggestions as “vicious”, by posters who joined the thread after the OP posted that her son had died, is ridiculous.

OP You have been wonderful GPs but now you need to think about your own health, explain to your DIL and ensure her that it is only because of this virus and that once it is all over you will be desperate to have the children again.

Yanbu, have a chat with her, tell her your concerns they are justified. The sooner the better so she can make alternative arrangements. You are concerned for your health, its better your still alive in the summer and back helping with childcare again than the alternative!

Though she might initially panic so be prepared for that. Im also very sorry for your loss.

Talk to your DIL. She can better prepare if she knows this is likely. I don’t know what other childcare options are for her or how flexible her work is but if she can look at her options now.

My parents are due to stay over Easter for childcare. It’s me that said to them I don’t think they should come. We are making alternative arrangements at the moment - not quite sure what they are yet as I’m due to be away with work (which may or may not go ahead) so we’re looking at things /ruling out options. My parents still want to come. I am very uncomfortable with this as I don’t want to put them at risk.