To say I will not have my grand children

[Bottletopsx]

If and I mean If, the coronavirus spreads across the whole of the Uk. I am considering telling my daughter in law that I can not take care of her 2 children. At the moment I look after a 2 year old two days a week and a 9 year old after school and both of them when there is no school. My husband and I are in our 60s and he had high blood pressure and a heart complaint and I have a lung problem. We love the kids to bits but they go to so many different people we are worried that they may get coronavirus and show no symptoms yet pass it on to us. We are in the group that is at high risk. I dont want to let my daughter in law down but I am worried for our health. I honestly dont know what to do for the best.

"I’m so sorry to hear this. I think a few posters owe you an apology."
Totally agree^^

Sorry about your son and Yanbu op.

You don’t have to justify it. Not to mumsnet. Or even your DIL however if she’s half way decent she will understand.

I’m glad that you are looking after yourselves. You matter too!

DeRigueurMortis

You obviously love your parents and are a caring person.

Freezingold

Thank you

I would imagine there are a lot of people in your position. So many of my kids classmates are looked after by grandparents. There's only my father left and he's not fit due to other reasons, so take the time off there's just no other way round it. Employers are just going to have to deal with it.

So sorry about your son, but you should have made it clear on your original post.
I think you need to talk about this with your DDIL now, not wait until it may be awkward for her to make other arrangements.

Zombiemum1946
Bless you

So sorry about your son, but you should have made it clear on your original post.

There is absolutely NO reason why OP should have done that. Seriously, wtf?

I do love them OP - they are great.

They looked after me and have been brilliant GP's to DS.

Frankly if we can help them now they blummin well deserve it

Bottletopsx - don't feel guilty at all, please, and do what you need to do to look after the health of yourself and your husband. I am sure you have looked out for the younger generations all your life. In this one situation, it is their turn to look out for you.

DeRigueurMortis

Lovely comment thank you and good night.

The amount of support you give is invaluable, I miss that so much. Take care of yourselves, it's what's best for the future of your dil and grandchildren.

Yanbu at all op. Sorry you got so many nasty comments. Take care of yourself.

Hi op, my mum & dad are mid 70’s and Dad is diabetic. They pick up my two from school and take them to their house for tea one day a week and I’ve discussed with them that if the virus really takes off then perhaps it might be best if they didn’t do this whilst it’s at it’s peak. For now we’re carrying on as usual but it seems sensible to discuss with your family now and make contingency plans.
It won’t be forever and it might not even come to that but best to have a plan.

Bottletopsx i think its a difficult decision. I appreciate your concerned for your DH.

My DH is in high risk group to and is in the middle of radiotherapy, he has to leave the house every day and we have DC in the house who go to three different schools. All we do is ensure we all have good hand hygiene. I cant keep my DC out of the house

This is such a tricky situation. I can see OP’s point, absolutely, but the DIL may be facing losing her job if her childcare stops for an uncertain period. I don’t know how secure her job is or whether she has enough spare cash for childcare (if she can find any - I don’t expect she’ll be the only person whose parents/in-laws are having to back off). I think she might well have a shocked knee-jerk reaction when the subject is broached, and I’d just like to caution OP to expect that. I’d hate for there to be strained relations - cut her a lot of slack if she doesn’t take it well at first.

OP what other support does DIL have?

How is she going to cope without your support?

Could her job be put at risk?

How do you feel about not seeing the children for months?

You can't say your withdrawing support and still expect visits. Nor can you say your withdrawing support self quaranting yourselves and continue to socialize out with your home.

Of course you should make sure you look after yourselves. We have three youngish children and we aren’t seeing my in laws (who are in their 80s and have some health issues). We FaceTime them so they still see us and they are doing just fine, plenty of food etc. Of course we miss seeing them but I couldn’t live with myself if we spread a dangerous virus to them. Just tell your DIL, I’m sure she’ll understand.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I am in a high risk group & have a toddler but will have to just keep him at home with me if I have to self isolate as I wouldnt put my parents at risk.

Blackbear19, they can still phone and Skype. I understand what you're saying but if op and dh got sick, dil could be in a much worse situation. Employers will need to accept there are going to be problems. I believe there's legislation going through parliament next week to address it, to what extent I'm not sure

I think this would be unnecessary to be honest. But it's not surprising you're concerned given the sensational reporting of this.

Kids carry all sorts of germs and flu viruses, and viruses can be picked up from supermarkets, public transport, gp surgeries and goodness knows where else. There's some pretty unhygienic adults around too blowing their noses on their sleeves and not washing hands properly . Unless you plan on moving into a bunker and having contact with no one at all, it would be fairly pointless turning the grandchildren away.

I would follow whatever the OFFICIAL health advice says at the time, not what the press or the news are saying.

I have had this conversation with DM, she isn't happy as she thinks she can not get it simply by 'having better things to do' but personally I agree with you and will be limiting the DC's contact with her and and DDad, they won't like it though and I hate treating them like children but the thought of them catching it from the DC is too abhorrent.

Have a talk with your DIL the next time you see her so she can make preparations, things might change very quickly. But of course you need to be careful about your health, I'm sure your DIl will understand.

@Bottletopsx I think your fears are actually quite reasonable, and it’s a conversation I’ve had with my father. He had a bypass a few years back, and while he’s returned to reasonable health, I’m still worried. He’s got six grandchildren, and as reports say children are strong carriers without showing symptoms, I’m worried for him. Your fears are justified and your intended isolation plan is sound. Just give your daughter in law warning so she can make other arrangements, either with friends or other family, or her employer.

Hope you come out the other side of this crisis OK

It may be something you DIL is already thinking of, my DPs help with childcare for my two little ones and I’m getting concerned about not if, but when I should start limiting contact. My DH works away (army) and I don’t know what I will do, other than talk to work and see if I can change my hours and up my kids nursery hours which we can’t really afford. I’m ‘lucky’ for want of a better word that I work in a school so if will close then I will be home to look after the kids myself anyway.

I think you definitely need to have a conversation about it and try and come to some agreement