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Original poster

To say I will not have my grand children

144 replies

Bottletopsx · 07/03/2020 22:06

If and I mean If, the coronavirus spreads across the whole of the Uk. I am considering telling my daughter in law that I can not take care of her 2 children. At the moment I look after a 2 year old two days a week and a 9 year old after school and both of them when there is no school. My husband and I are in our 60s and he had high blood pressure and a heart complaint and I have a lung problem. We love the kids to bits but they go to so many different people we are worried that they may get coronavirus and show no symptoms yet pass it on to us. We are in the group that is at high risk. I dont want to let my daughter in law down but I am worried for our health. I honestly dont know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 07/03/2020 22:31

@Squidgoals - I understood it's thought children don't become symptomatic, not that they don't catch it?

Redshoeblueshoe · 07/03/2020 22:32

OP you are not being unreasonable.
I hope your Dil is also thinking about this.

Floralnomad · 07/03/2020 22:33

Sorry for your loss OP but I think you are being a bit unreasonable particularly in light of the fact that your dil is a lone parent .Obviously if one of you gets ill or the children do get it then that’s a different conversation but you are just as likely to catch it off someone else on one of the days you don’t have the dc .

PlugholePencil · 07/03/2020 22:38

YANBU.
Tell her now she needs to investigate other options and have a threshold in mind eg 300 cases or a change to government advice for over 60s so once that happens you both know the arrangement ceases.
Sorry for your loss.

Freezingold · 07/03/2020 22:38

Of course you are being reasonable and okay by refusing to have them for a while. A loving daughter would understand.

I’ve no idea why posters are interrogating you or accusing you! Of course over 60 with any complaints you are totally fine to be more careful. Why wouldn’t you?

If you were my parents I’d totally understand. Just tell her and if she doesn’t understand, she should!

1Morewineplease · 07/03/2020 22:41

I would Tell your daughter in law that, in view of current thinking regarding spreading the virus to the elderly and physically vulnerable ( please excuse me) you do not feel able to continue to commit to childcare.
You and your partner need to protect yourselves, as I have told my mum (80s) .
Life is short enough without being subjected to a virus that needs stringent containment.
I understand that the government might announce self isolation to to the elderly next week.
You need to look after yourselves now.

Freezingold · 07/03/2020 22:41

but you are just as likely to catch it off someone else on one of the days you don’t have the dc respectfully that is no one but the OPs call to make. They decide what is their risk and no one else! And for the record I think no contact with gc is a fair assessment of their risk exposure.

YADNBU

And I speak as a single parent with kids. I would never want to expose my parents to any level of risk that they felt uncomfortable with.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/03/2020 22:41

Children must get it (even if mildly) or be carriers otherwise there would be no reason why some countries are closing schools.

I too would talk to your DIL, I am sure you won't be the only family having this discussion.

Original poster
Bottletopsx · 07/03/2020 22:43

My husband and I have cared for the children for years and years. We have had nits twice, endless colds, tonsillitis and chicken pox from the kids. We are very good grand parents and help out whenever we can.
One day all of the people leaving comments saying "stop moaning" etc will be in their 60s and see how you feel then! I am sorry I ever asked for advice as I did not expect so much nastiness.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 07/03/2020 22:44

Sorry for your loss OP but I think you are being a bit unreasonable particularly in light of the fact that your dil is a lone parent .Obviously if one of you gets ill or the children do get it then that’s a different conversation but you are just as likely to catch it off someone else on one of the days you don’t have the dc.

This isn't fair. The DIL (unless she has an underlying illness) is much, much less likely to be at risk if she catches it. Small children do, just inevitably, spread diseases a lot - a 2 year old will cough in your face and put their horrible snotty hands all over you. There's a reason they're known as super-spreaders. And the OP, for all we know, may be able to minimise contact with other people if she doesn't have to look after her GC.

SarahAndQuack · 07/03/2020 22:45

Btw, I am very much thinking about this issue with my own parents. They're both late 60s and I am worried for them. I am not about to dismiss any worries they have lightly. I don't think we should presume the OP's DIL would either.

LittleRootie · 07/03/2020 22:47

you are just as likely to catch it off someone else on one of the days you don’t have the dc

Hardly. PP with health probs in their 60's are likely to have a far lower circle of exposure than dc who are coming into contact with numerous other adults and children at childcare/school/clubs/playgrounds etc

lljkk · 07/03/2020 22:47

You won't be much good to DIL & grandchildren if you pass away. Just talk to her so she can plan. Also talk to the 9yo so they can understand it's not because you don't love them.

Floralnomad · 07/03/2020 22:48

Of course it’s the OPs decision to make but she posted in AIBU and I think some people need to remember that this virus could be knocking about for months yet , it’s not a case of don’t go out for 2 weeks and it will have gone away .

notacooldad · 07/03/2020 22:49

The parents are my son and daugher in law

Funnily you didn’t mention that at 22:14, some 7 mins ago
To be fair why should she. She asked a specific question and predictably everyone piles in with their own agenda and ' what about's'
Absolutely pathetic on MN that you have to cover all bases when you want to ask a question about a particular thing.

Michelleoftheresistance · 07/03/2020 22:49

AIBU is always a bloodbath, OP. Try posting on the coronavirus board, you'll get a lot more information without criticism.

Floralnomad · 07/03/2020 22:50

I’m in my 50s and in a high risk group , I certainly go to lots of places where I could catch it , as do my very active neighbours who are in their late 70s / 80s , it’s not only parents of young children that have a life .

Freezingold · 07/03/2020 22:51

Ignore the nasty posters. They will stick out. However most people on this thread are in agreement and have sympathy. You sound conscientious and that is probably why you feel strange about stopping contact, otherwise you wouldn’t have even asked.

It’s fine. Your DIL will cope. She will respect your decision as it is a fair point. I’m limiting my own parents exposure even though they don’t care, but I do!

Floralnomad · 07/03/2020 22:53

Actually I’ve just noticed it wasn’t AIBU , so I stand corrected on that point .

Furcoatgirl · 07/03/2020 22:53

Op I think yanbu to worry about looking after the children. I'm concerned about my own parents as they're in high risk groups.

I do think you're being unnecessarily snippy to posters who are just giving their opinion.

Also, people weren't to know that you'd lost your son and your op very much made it sound like you thought of childcare as only your dils problem.

UYScuti · 07/03/2020 22:54

Crikey!

SarahAndQuack · 07/03/2020 22:54

Of course it’s the OPs decision to make but she posted in AIBU and I think some people need to remember that this virus could be knocking about for months yet , it’s not a case of don’t go out for 2 weeks and it will have gone away.

It's not in AIBU?

I don't understand your point about the months thing. You mean, if it goes on two weeks, the lives of the elderly are important, but if it goes on longer, oh well, granny suddenly doesn't matter so much? Confused

Chances are it will go on a long time, so it is very sensible for someone in a high risk category to think about what they can do to protect themselves.

Devlesko · 07/03/2020 22:54

YANBU.
I'm in my 50's but have underlying health issues, as much as I love my gd no way.
The older ones in our town haven't been seen out all week. The stall holders said how eerie it was because it's where they all meet and socialise. Their cafes were all empty, it was quite sad.
They are scared and rightly so. I think if they'd shut schools so there was less chance of the kids getting it then gps would have stepped up to begin with, from what I've heard anyway.
I doubt we are the only ones to think like this, for some it would be signing their own death warrant.

Lynda07 · 07/03/2020 22:55

You are not at all unreasonable, Bottletops, you have a real concern and I'm sure your daughter in law will understand. However are there any coronavirus cases near where you live at the moment? There are none near me, not one. Of course that could change but in your position I wouldn't make any decisions until that happens and it may not. Children don't seem to catch it, schools close because of the staff, not the children.

I'm so sorry about your son and I do hope you keep well. You're great grandparents (not 'greatgrandparents' :-) ).

ThisHereMamaBear · 07/03/2020 22:55

Yanbu. I'm very sorry to read about your son.