Reach out to your Jewish and Muslim / Palestinian friends

[TootlesPoodle]

Posting in AIBU for traffic.

I’ve got a few Jewish and Muslim friends (with links to Palestine) and many of them have said they’re a bit saddened that friends / employers etc. aren’t reaching out to them to check in at what is obviously a stressful and upsetting time. Especially when similar terrorist attacks, conflicts / aggressions, murders, civil rights issues are usually followed by a big effort to check in with diaspora people or those with links or family or who may be feeling particularly triggered or scared by seeing people like them being targeted.

Lots of British Jews in particular are struggling with the silence from their friends and colleagues because

• the global Jewish population is very small which means most diaspora Jews will have relatives and friends in Israel, even if they have never been there and strongly disagree with the current regime
• most have grown up hearing stories of grandparents and relatives who were murdered in or fled pogroms or concentration camps, but these things were firmly in the PAST, nightmares and stories. So seeing a pogrom style attack happening to Jewish civilians again is terrifying.
• For lots of diaspora Jews, the idea of Israel as a safe place of refuge that they could go to if there was nowhere else to flee too is comforting. Whether they agree with the current Israeli government or not. Knowing there was at least one safe place where they wouldn’t have to face what their relatives faced if another holocaust or pogroms happened, feels a bit like having an emergency savings account / fuck off fund. You hope you’ll never need it, you don’t need it right now, but knowing it’s there in case the worst happens makes you feel safe. Israel now no longer feels safe, both because of what Hamas have done and because the way the Israeli government is over responding is going to fuel hatred of the country and its citizens and probably diaspora Jews too.

British Muslims or Palestinians, especially those with links to Palestine, will be feeling similarly angry, terrified and stressed. They’ll be worried about friends and relatives, scarred by seeing civilians like them - most of whom probably just want to get on with their lives - being murdered or displaced. Even if they are comforted by seeing marches and demonstrations, they may feel abandoned because the governments of the countries they live in are supporting Israel, and may continue supporting the Israeli government if it’s actions get more extreme.

So if you’re wondering whether you should reach out and check in with a friend or colleague, or asking your HR team to send out a message - do. They will probably really appreciate it.

If any Jews or Muslims or Palestinians or Israelis living in the UK would like to share some human ways we can all help and support you and show compassion during what must be an awful time, please do.

And please, keep it civil. This thread is about humans showing compassion to humans.

Op thank you so much. Supporting us online against thinly veiled antisemitism is a great and much appreciated method of support.

Because people are killing us and calling for us to be killed
But I don't see myself as part of the 'us'. Not many people know I'm Jewish because it's not something I feel the need to mention and those who know don't care one way or another.

@Freyya

Honestly I have no idea. But thanks for asking the question

if you think of anything, get back to me 😊I'd like to just somehow 'know' these things, but I just don't.

I, to some degree, understand the turmoil people are in. The difficulty is knowing who they are.

Thank you for sharing. I'm Jewish and Israeli and the silence has, for the most part, been deafening. Even though I have family in Israel, no one, apart from one, has asked how they are, or how I am. I'm very worried, as are they. They are living in a war zone currently, afraid to leave their bunkers, and hearing of dreadful stories how friends and colleagues have died.

Thank you pointing out that this is a repeat trauma for many. Some families have lost members over multiple generations, all murdered for being Jewish.

I appreciate that you don't feel that way- but not feeling Jewish, not practicing, being thoroughly secular did not save any Jewish person from Hitler and it does not 'save' you from a generalised antisemitism today- murderous or not.

And that's the point, really.

I did, as soon as this kicked off. Anyone who is a real friend would have been in touch by now.

@vivainsomnia I am also not religious and don't tell a lot of people that I am Jewish, and I don't attend synagogue. But I have family who were killed purely because they were Jewish (like me). I have Jewish blood, as do my sons, and that can be traced. Who is to say we could not be targeted by an extremist anti-Jewish organization like Hamas? Since there are so few Jews in the world, "extermination" is something that could genuinely happen and it is terrifying. That's why as a secular non-practicing Jew, I class it as "us".

What a terrible situation. 💐

Those of us who aren't Jewish can't imagine the fear. This is a horrific situation, and I hope that you can all stay safe. 🙏

I'm Jewish and Israeli (originally from UK but have lived in Israel for most of my adult life). I really appreciated all overseas friends who reached out during the days after October 7. It allowed me to share a bit of my personal experience in ways I still don't have the words to do on social media. Nobody tried to be political. Though I did notice that for some reason, aside from Jewish friends in the UK, most people who checked in were non-UK people - I heard from family members in the UK that people had been asking after me, but for some reason they felt embarrassed to write directly! Guys, it's fine to check in with your friends. If I can check in with my Palestinian friends, it's totally fine to check in with whoever you feel might like to know you're thinking about them.

This thread has taught me a lot about why so many friends are being silent. I find it baffling how many are assuming that expressing concern is synonymous with asking for someone's views on the conflict.

I was very upset yesterday when an old Israeli friend posted his daughter's account of Hamas attacking her kibbutz. She spent hours in a safe room waiting for death. She focused not on the details but on the feelings and the trauma, then and since. Anyone listening to her would feel tremendous compassion for her, and would have learned a lot - for example, how she feels about all the people now telling her she was 'lucky'.

Of course, anyone who is not a soulless ghoul also reflects on the similar experiences of those trapped in Gaza. Listening to those affected should expand our circle of concern, not restrict it. I am enormously depressed by the number of people - including my own friends, and previous posters on this thread - who seem to think that the most important thing is to pick the right side and shout about it.

Too true, @Ketzele .
I don't know what's happening in this country, but having some common decency and humanity shouldn't be that hard.

But I have family who were killed purely because they were Jewish (like me)
My family did too but those who survived wanted the new generations to move on. What might happen in the future is for the future. I am much less frightened of being killed because I am Jewish than being killed by a nasty illness or car accident. I don't dwell on those things, just focus on trying to be a good human being and hopefully showing a good example.

Thanks everyone for contributing to this, would be good to get some Muslim / Palestinian perspectives if anyone is willing to share something that would help them

That's pretty much what I did to a friend I've not been much in contact with for years. Just a short note saying I was thinking of them, and hoping they stayed safe. I received a very appreciative reply very quickly.

You're getting the wrong end of the stick.
Nobody is 'assuming' anything. Posters, myself included are merely sharing our own experiences of how expressing concern has turned into needing to pick a side. Zero assumption, just experience.
Also, we have not equated expressing concern to asking for views. The people we're checking in with have.

I mean, if you want to think we're making things up and continue to blame us that's your call.

You are also overlooking that many countries have state sponsored anti-certain religions and indoctrination. You think everyone has 'compassion' for all humans but that's not true. Unless you have lived it, it's difficult to understand.

Yeah, all of this.

I've had messages of kindness and solidarity from many non-jewish friends and colleagues and every single one of them made me feel a lot better and less alone.

Hope you haven't used 23andme. I have.

https://www.wired.com/story/23andme-credential-stuffing-data-stolen/

The timing of this is not a coincidence, in my opinion.

I don't know any Jews who don't feel shaken and horrified, if not directly by what's happened in Israel, then by the huge surge of antisemitism here.

I have relatives who are rabbis and they have to live behind alarmed security gates due to the antisemitism that exists even when things aren’t like they are now.

I genuinely don't understand this answer. It doesn't seem to respond to what I wrote. What's that bit about me overlooking many countries? Where did I say everyone has compassion? What is it that I haven't lived?

I am Jewish, non religious. I lived in Israel for a few years and have a child and a grandchild in Israel. Between one of my children and the other child's partner, there are three people known kidnapped or killed by Hamas. One child also has a friend whose baby relative is kidnapped.

It is very close and it is very personal.

I am devastated and grieving. And on top of that, also having to see the waves of anti semitism, something that 20 years ago I thought was unthinkable in the UK.

I do not agree with the current Israeli government or how they are handling it.

A lot of people have sent me messages of love and support. I know that not all of those people agree with Israel's stance, but I do know that they care about me and those I love. And I also know that they understand that being Jewish and having dual citizenship, does not make me personally responsible for Israel's military policy.

I am very thankful for those messages and each one warms my heart.

I have also noticed the silence of those who claim to be good friends, know from the past how affected I am by what happens in Israel, and yet have not sent me even one message. I will be re-evaluating those friendships.

I'm not sure it's a great idea to assume what work colleagues are feeling about this. I have a friend who is of Jewish ancestry but does not identify as Jewish or feel an association with Israel. I have another friend who is Jewish but anti - Zionist. I think you are stepping into a minefield if you assume what people's views are, or start treating them as Israeli or Palestinian, unless they have made clear to you that that is how they see themselves.

JSMill. You can follow standing together on Facebook. They also have a website www.standing-together.org

Surely it's not beyond most people to start a conversation with friends/close colleagues that opens up the possibility of understanding the stress some people are feeling but equally not ploughing on if they do not.

It is like being bereaved, a few people won't appreciate the gesture, lots will and lots will feel lonely, like the world is unstable and are looking for reassurance. A sensitive person would try to read the situation and not keep going if it doesn't look appreciated.

I don't express political views to these friends, but I do care they are stressed and upset if they say they are, and that's quite easily found out by asking them 'how are you at the moment?' If they say 'hiding from the news, otherwise my toe is hurting' then don't, if their eyes fill with tears as a couple of mine have done, keep going.

I should have made the comment about work / colleagues clearer. If you know colleagues well, and think they’d appreciate a check in - do. But I didn’t mean, reach out to random colleagues who you know are Jewish or Muslim. More, perhaps encourage your HR team to put something out saying that they know a lot of people will be affected by this and share details of company funded mental health schemes or offer to let anyone really struggling work from home or take a day