30s TTC: Club BESHicana, drinks are free and we're hungry like the WOOFL! The MSDP continues...

[Scorpette]

Come on in, collect the Grolsch bottle tops for your DM shoes at the door

We're going all-out 80s for the continuation of the Mass Summer Diffment Project: John Hughes films playing back-to-back and on BESH FM, DJ ChoCho will be playing our all-time 80s faves, from New Romantics to Synth to Goth to Hair Metal to Pop and back again (no Fields of The Nephilim, mind). Our bartenders and waiters are Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Ralph Macchio (the Karate Kid) and Corey Haim (back from the dead especially for us) and unlike most of the real 80s, we actually get to booze!

Here's hoping the authentic 80s vibe will trick our bodies into thinking we've got the ovaries of teenagers!

(Not to mention tricking them into being super skinny and able to eat whatever we want and staying that way!)

There's plenty of Babycham and Ice Magic to pour over ice-cream in the Pit and Metal Mickey will bring them to the wretched at the click of a finger.

So whaddya waiting for? Slip on the ra-ra skirts, slap on the blue eyeliner and let's get winning those baybeez! Last one in the pool's a psycho hose beast!

Aw Score and Aries my darlinks, you're too good to me .

Is going to take me a farking age to catch up on everything and meet everyone....what ho what ho SaladDays!. I have made 8 litres of elderflower champers and tis blooooooomin' d'lish and really surprisingly alky. Am too mean admirably frugal to have bought proper grolsch bottles, and plus also was not keen on the idea of exploding glass, so ours is in plastic litre bottles such as once held Sainsbury's economy tonic water . We found we had to 'burp' it at least twice a day for over a week, 'cos the bottles were getting bulgy. It's now seeming OK left for a bit as they were on the balcony untended for a few days while we were away with no disasters. Intend to drink one for Christmas breakfast (that's normal right? Right?!) but suspect will be gone by then as have promised elderflower champagne-focused dinner parties to about fifteen people, and there are only 6 bottles left...

I must say the OM is v. g. re. household stuff in the sense of being willing and able - his Mum is disabled so he had to help out, you know? However, I am not known for scrupulous standards of cleanliness. I was about to put a blush emoticon there but I'm not actually embarrassed about it, so I won't - I mean, the loo is clean, and there are different chopping boards for raw meat and veg, and whatnot, but I can always think of something better to do than bleach the kitchen floor . Maybe if I were at all clean fastidious I would think the OM a right fucking shambles, but as it is I think we shamble along together. Although that I do firmly believe my shit does not create anything like the calamitous aftermath of his efforts...

thanks scorp and hb (duh i just got the pencil ref) will leave lids off for a bit. I was going to do empty pop bottles too but got carried away and though i could give it away as pressies in nice bottles. (t'internet is a dangerous thing) ha who was i kidding it will be drunk within a week of being ready!

re housekeeping, i cant be arsed most of the time but then get these mad fits of manic cleaning, tidying frenzy (this weekend was one of them) i much prefer making stuff like jam n chutney and home baking so would much rather be making a mess than cleaning it up. in that respect OH is pretty long suffering although he does reap the benefits. hope i can maintain that if/when i arrive in anklebiterville.

aries still plenty of food here, sos's mini toad in the holes are still warm and think it have some tiffin here too.

mtf look at it this way - any of those white van drivers (OHs term not mine) that survive the flu with be supersperm and therefore worthy of your illustrious egg.

'i' not 'it' of course, prob not the only error but hey ho.

aahhh Ladies Ta very muchly for the welcome...for newbies.. well people that joined while I was in De Nile enjoying the booze and spending outrageous amounts of cash on uncomfortable but pretty shoes..

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Have become some what a gin snob. Favourite is Tanqueray 10 but will slum it with the standard stuff. If walking on the wild side and enjoying a cocktail I do like Hendricks. However Beefeater and Gordons is staff gin and should only be used in emergencies.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Cradle snatcher, Mr H is 18 months my junior.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

T'is C but given the results on Mr H's white goods would do better with D

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

a)

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

b) Source of all evil with its own theme tune.

6. what colour are your walls?
   Antique Cream (Did flirt with Sail white for a brief period but order has been restored)

7. Number of pets?
   2 black cats. THE BOY (obv a boy) and The Lady (yes you guessed it, she is a laday and not a boy cat in drag)

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   Limhal - Kagagoogoo.

9. Lesbian crush?
   Katherine Heigl

10. What are your views on camping?
    Its shit and that's final.

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid

It's a sore subject in the Choos Household and one that is not brought up unless you want a good slap.

There you go ladies...Plus here is a brief update on whats been going on since...well since.
Got Married. Got new job. Mr Choos got new job. Started Masters.

The updiffment news.. been to GP. Had day Day 3 and 21 bloods - came back fine. Mr Choos white good results ..shit, really shit.

Have been on tender hooks with Salt n Shake and Gin. Lit my Jo Malone candle n everyfink ...

Excellent answers I think JimmyChoos (hark at me going on about Jimmy Choos like I could recognise them! Shoes are a wasted of time. Who goes round looking people's feet, huh? And that's my final word on the subject. I'm not a Real Woman).

Very sorry to hear about your chap's white goods test. Is it something which can be improved at all or are you waiting for a piece of pure good luck? It's very heart warming to think of people lurking who are also lighting candles

Well we only got them on Friday so kind of spent the weekend on damage limitation with Mr H. He was in a spiral of doom.

I have looked at a couple of threads about Poorly Jizz and defective fridges to try and get a handle on it.

His sperm count is 4m and normal morphology is 1% and motility is 65% sluggish or non -progressive. So pretty damning.

Whoa whoa whoa? What's that about astigmatism and being an untidy mare? I have the sort of astigmatism that makes opticians suck their teeth when I ask "Can I get away with NOT having my lenses thinned down?"

I'm always stomping around the house, swearing and blaming the Mr for "tidying" my stuff away.

oh no choos not good, poor MrH.

Sounds like we are at a similar stage, i;ve had the same bloods as you and all came back ok then MrB had his jizz test a week last thursday so we are on tender hooks to find out what the score is. He is of course pretty sure it's all him but we shall see. Am preparing for male pride meltdown if its not good news so might be after some tips on how to handle it. Also you last sentence might as well be klingon so i obv need to do some more reading.

yeah me too, blind as a bat in the left eye. if you hold my glasses up and look thru the left lens from a foot away all you see is stripes. dont see how that and untidiness can be connected really but i am embracing it :D

Are you supposed to bleach the kitchen floor? I care about clean but not about pristine. We leave pots in the sink overnight and crumbs out and all that minor stuff. So long as things are basically hygienic and the mess is just 'lived-in' and not 'mental pensioner with 5-bed house jampacked with old newspapers and cat corpses' then we're happy. Thank god TYF does not have a sexist bone in his body and pulls his weight

I have tidied and hoovered the lounge-kitchen (open plan) and feel exhausted-yet-proud of my monumental effort!

Sorry, I pressed refresh and the last comment was about floor bleaching! Bloody Firefox

ChooChooChooseMe [Ralph Wiggum emoticon], that is pretty about the jizz results. BUT! All experts say that men can really improve their spunk quality with diet and lifestyle changes - is much easier, in nearly all cases, to quickly ameliorate than Wimminz Ishoos. Could be summat to look into.

PS Re: Astigmatism - my Dad has been using it as an excuse for having all his stuff in big piles everywhere since he was a kid, so I see it as a proud family tradition to uphold The bullshit AND the piles of stuff!

haha i am so googling this for corroboration. (oh no another 2 kettles worth of energy wasted on a whim)

There is a good thread from quite a while back that Aries and Fairy were on and I'm hoping they can give a bit of advice...

I have sniper vision [smug emoticon]. On the other hand I have no common sense and no short term memory.

As for sexism, my chap is no way sexist. No not at all. He's just bone bloody idle around the house

I dunno Choos - I'm not a spoim expert but you know, you hear all sorts about blokes improving their swimmers' count through lifestyles things like cutting out booze and diet etc Really sorry if you've heard all this before. Actually there's no "if" about it is there?

What, what, a white goods thread? Me?

cheers Scorps I have been looking through some of the older threads and it seems so.

The GP is looking into getting my hozzy appointment extended to include MrH which is in August.

I have one word for you on the cleanliness theme Cleaners

T'is the was forward and cleverly negotiated on my honeymoon when Mr H was pissed in a generous mood. Ceased all rowing about tidying. It has however made us more creative in what to fight about....

Aries maybe your doppleganger or I've had waaayyy to much to drink last night...

If fact I'm trying to find it now.

No all advice greatly received as our GP is an idiot. She gave MrH a urine sample bottle for his sample!!

aahh hah

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/957503-Bad-Morphology

oh lord. will book mark that for reading another time or i might not sleep. convincing OH to give up booze and coffee will be a task if that is the problem. (must not obsess about problems until they are confirmed as actual problems) the supplements shouldnt be as much of a battle.

choos good call on the cleaner front. have seriously been considering it as don't think its unreasonable not to want to spend all week working and all weekend cleaning. OH is not too keen on a stranger in the house, but has recently stated if i want to pay for one i should just go ahead. just need to find someone trustworthy now.

Oh yes I remember that. Mountie didn't take her head out of my bosom for ages. The booze thing is a problem I must say - MrA tried but stopped. Well he didn't try that hard actually.

Chooser that was me starting that tread (obvious really). Arial came to my rescue. Well, we got some Wellman preconception. Also FC appointment next week. Are they sending you both to the FC? It does seem like a lot of blokes have very different results and they say the test should be repeated at least twice. So I am expecting another one when we go to the FC. The GP (who does not strike me as very knowledgeable) thought that in a case like ours they'd probably go for IUI, if all my results ok. My boy's morphology was quite bad, but I cannot remember how bad, I never got the printout. So basically just waiting for the appointment. My view is that as long as there are some, there is stuff that can be done. And a repeat test I guess. But you should always be trying as MN is always full of diffage despite bad jizz, which, I believe include members of our own MSDP!

BTW welcome to masters mania. Are you working as well?

thing is mrB gave up for about 6 months just after he turned 30. but we werent trying (as hard) then BOOOO. if i'd known then what i know now...

but then his test was the week after we had been on hols in spain which was naturally a massive boozathon. so i spose if the results are bad it might have been affected by that. hmmm... how long til i can ring them and start hassling them for results?

I second the cleaner. CH against it at first, now swears by it. Also wasn't too keen on offspring like 1.5 yrs ago, now broodier than me. I figure they need to get to 43 or summat ?

In my feminism I try and refuse to identify his cleaning crapness with gender. But then, together with getting broody he got a lot tidier as well. No idea what's going on.

At my GP's you get them a week later. Was is a GP that sent him for the test? Although, sadly, CH was rung up by the surgery to 'come in and discuss'. So if MrLettuce hasn't been called in I would say that is a good thing.

P.S. Finally stopped drinking though it took him a while. Was never a big drinker, but apparently every little hurts when it comes to jizz and booze.