30s TTC: Club BESHicana, drinks are free and we're hungry like the WOOFL! The MSDP continues...

[Scorpette]

Come on in, collect the Grolsch bottle tops for your DM shoes at the door

We're going all-out 80s for the continuation of the Mass Summer Diffment Project: John Hughes films playing back-to-back and on BESH FM, DJ ChoCho will be playing our all-time 80s faves, from New Romantics to Synth to Goth to Hair Metal to Pop and back again (no Fields of The Nephilim, mind). Our bartenders and waiters are Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Ralph Macchio (the Karate Kid) and Corey Haim (back from the dead especially for us) and unlike most of the real 80s, we actually get to booze!

Here's hoping the authentic 80s vibe will trick our bodies into thinking we've got the ovaries of teenagers!

(Not to mention tricking them into being super skinny and able to eat whatever we want and staying that way!)

There's plenty of Babycham and Ice Magic to pour over ice-cream in the Pit and Metal Mickey will bring them to the wretched at the click of a finger.

So whaddya waiting for? Slip on the ra-ra skirts, slap on the blue eyeliner and let's get winning those baybeez! Last one in the pool's a psycho hose beast!

Ooh I'm getting white goods tomorrow, but the ackershul fings, a new washing machine AND a tumble dryer, for the first time EVER (the dryer, not the washing machine, I do wash thankYOOOU!)

At least I fucking hope I am, you've got me worried now. If 2 men in a delivery lorry turn up and start jizzing over my driveway I'll be very much not amused.

I should go to Pets. I have pets. I didn't even realise there was a Pets section. I am busy picking fights on AIBU a la Aries instead.

Ladies I'm gonna turn the laptop off for the night now. Gonna distract myself with housework and then go a'bed.

Have good nights all x

Lyra you have hit the nail on the head. As usual! I don't know how old you are - how old are you? Age is important to me, because like LettuceGirl I am feeling stupid for having left it so long, and now panicking. Do you know what, a friend has just confided in me that she and her man were TTC and having tests and I actually asked if he had "jizzed in a pot". She was startled. I am SO mortified I could die. It's all your fault, BESHes.

Am off now to join in Cass's fights on AIBU. Will have to search as she has gone to bed. God, I haven't even made tea yet.

I've done all the lady tests, albeit nearly a year ago now, so probably out of date, but LeFig still hasn't had his swimmers done. I was told by the child GP who did my bloods that he'd have to go to the Fertility Unit, not at our local hospital, but one 20 miles away (yes, this is central-ish London we're talking about...), SIAC, and await results. LeFig is a lovely man but underneath it all a sensitive flower who hates doctors and tends to ignore all advice dispensed with a stethoscope; I didn't push him to do it at first, because I knew he'd be devastated if it was him with problems, and I hoped we'd get lucky sooner rather than later and it wouldn't be an issue.

The stress of trying, and failing, has unearthed its own problems, and our home/work situation's now changed to the point where we only see each other at weekends. It's now slowly dawning on me that maybe I've passively chosen not to have kids, simply by not being more proactive about it. Sigh.

Lushes, I am away to my drinks cabinet for a sloe gin. Have raucous SWI filled nights, the lot of yiz.

I do like Salad's alternative explanation for BESH!

THinking of salty and twinks.

Aw Cass if you are still around, I hope you are feeling better after food and drink. I know exactly how you are feeling and it is bloody horrible. TG and I went through phase where he would accuse me of putting the yet-to-be-conceived-child above him and Boo, which as you can imagine just made me feel even more shit and guilty. I can see why he thought that, even though it wasn't true - the longer you are ttc, the more if takes over your life. I think the trouble is that after a while it just drags you down and sucks all the energy out of you. For me, it became less about completing my family and more about beating my body into submission - I lost the focus and forgot why we were putting ourselves through it all. But just because I forgot the real point of it all, didn't mean I no longer wanted another child. I just got a bit too focused and obsessed. I know I bang on about acupuncture but I think as well as helping lowering hormone levels, it made me feel like I was a little more in control and that helped me feel that I was doing something instead of just accepting everything. Does that make sense? I don't mean that everyone should immediately sign up for acupuncture (that goes without saying ) but it helped me to have something that I COULD control, as well as feel/see positive results.

I suppose what I'm trying to get across Cass is don't beat yourself up about it, don't make yourself feel worse. TTC is a hard enough business without adding to the stress. Also, you have been and are still going through a really upsetting and stressful time which is bound to affect you - be kind to yourself sweetheart.

Sorry, there was a point I was going to make and I'm not sure I did it very successfully. Not feeling terribly eloquent this evening.

Aries - where? Off 'em'? I do humbly grovel (you caaaaah).

OurKid, can I towel whip you anyway? Fanny Man yesterday said there's no reason why I won't and can't conceive naturally but can go onto AC if I want, seeing as I so decrepit. IUI seems okay... everything after that seems too scary and too real to think about at the mo.

Trouble is, I have to change my GP - they've changed the rules about what the catchment boundaries are and I'm about 2 miles out (FFS ), so will now have to go to register at a surgery which is a 30-40 min walk uphill away (no bus service anywhere near), whereas I could get on and off a bus and be at the current surgery within 15-20 mins. Gaaaaah! So now I have to register and go see a strange new Doc and say, Hello, I am a crone who's desperate for children, please to refer me to an ACU. No, let's not chat about it all, just send me to the babymakers, thankyouplease.

Plus side is, one of best AC units in the country is in catchment area of the surgery I have to join.

Is this boring anyone else? It's boring me and it's my life!

I too hate all the tactless cunts who think your fertility and all that are any of their fucking business. Can't wait to go to TYF's family in Aug for another invigorating round of 'Why don't you want children?/Why have you left it too late to have kids?' from his 80000000000000000000 relatives

Am going to watch crappy telly read summat highbrow now.

RieRie I will be 35 in October. If you want to see where I started from, I joined MN here. I still think it's a good thread. And I still have all the same fears that I had then, but carrying on regardless la la laaa

Waaaah, my post seems irrelevant now - thought I had refreshed but obviously not

I started last post at about 6.30pm Scorps so don't worry! Can't believe you will have to walk so long to new surgery, that is shit. I hope you get a new GP is a good as your current one. Did the consultant say how long it would take get the IUI started? How exciting! Hopefully you can do a Cho/Camelina and get duffed before treatment. How often are you having needles sessions these days?

Just saw a game for the Wii advertised on TV... thought it would appeal to some of you BESHes. It is called Dance on Broadway!

Thanks, Pol Am having needling every Tues. Can't afford to do more often than that. I have to register with new GP and then beg them to send me to an AC place and then wait to hear from that lot so gawd only knows how long all that will take

My plan is, of course, to do it the BESH way and diff as soon as AC is about to get serious

I want that game! Can't persuade TYF to get a Wii (I couldn't afford one). He's perfectly happy with the PS3. But I wanna do Wii fit and all that

BTW, does getting diffed seem impossible to everyone else who's never had so much as a sniff of a BFP? I can't make my mind actually believe it can happen - it seems so bizarre and impossible that I will get my greatest wish. Feel like a Christian wanting God to appear before them or summat (not meaning to offend any religious types). Just think 'how can it happen to ME?'. Is weird and irrational feeling but is what upsets me all the time.

Oh Lyra, I've just read that old thread you posted, and it rings SO true with me. Especially the control freak bit. I could win awards for control freakery.

God, I really need to feel the fear and do it anyway, don't I?

Scorps I hear you on the it seems like something impossible that will never happen. I think if and when it does I'll die instantly of shock. Tis of course completely irrational, but I don't think ttc and rational thought go together all that often.

Thinking of Twinks and Salty as you wait to find out what's going on.

Lyra I read that thread where you joined. I know for sure that if I'd been around then I would have been posting the same things! Isn't it odd the way so many people feel the same things?

morning BESHies. About to go fight the morning rush hour, then fight some people for one of the 2 parking spaces near the EPU.

Then I will fight the sonographer until he/she gives me the correct outcome.

Good luck salty. may the force of the BESH be with you.

Right behind you salty - good luck

Good luck salty.

Good luck Salty, I hope you get the correct response. Everything crossed.

Good luck OldSalt. I'm wafting vibes your way. Let us know.

Good luck, Salty. The power of the BESH is with you

BESH-Power, Salty! Thinking of Twinks too.

Scorpy & Occs - I was very much in the feeling it was never going to happen camp. In fact we had started making plans for a child-free life/discussing whether we could face IVF (I am in utter awe of people who do, am still not sure if I could have). Not sure if that helps at all (though it may explain my denial status..) I never did find out where my head was.

(Ps. Lyra I have Georg Jensen tealight holders too, though the BESH candle is in Royal Copenhagen glass. Ponce, moi?)

(apols if I've missed something - haven't fully caught up again)

Fanks for the reassurance, VAG. I remember you becoming more and more certain things were hopeless and then... voila! Lovely to see you here - we ain't had a fumble for ages

PS I feel ashamed of my novelty kitsch candle from John Lewis now. Have a Diptyque but don't like the scent (gift). We're not a very candle-y household (thanks to my Mum's belief when we were growing up that everything was going to kill us and MIL's belief that any form of expression, creativity and sensual enjoyment is an abomination. She ought to just become Amish and have done).

Today is Ov Day. Discussed last night the option TYF waking me up early (he gets up before me) for morning sex,(in case the Ov happens before he gets home but then agreed we'd just take our chances after work. So what happens this morning, 45mins before my alarm was due to go off? TYF wakes me up saying, I know we agreed to do it later, but thought you might change your mind and want to do it now so I didn't want to annoy you by letting you sleep so I woke you up (at least that's the logic of a man well-trained by his partner's quixotic temperament). Then he said, But I only have 10 mins till I need to go, so we probably can't manage it. To which, I snarled in reply, Well, you don't need to cuddle me for the rest of the 9 1/2 minutes. Then there was snoggage. But no sexage.

So now I'm knackered and am paranoid fatigue is affecting my fertility (as have CFS and adrenal ishoos) and still not getting my sweet sweet monkey lovin' till later. PAH!

Am also paranoid that I won't get pg cos flat really needs to be hoovered (ie dust allergies affecting immune system and therefore fertility). Somebody hurt me!

Wishing you all the luck in the world Salty

Thanks for all your kind and thoughtful words everyone, it means a lot to me that there are people routing for this BOC! I am feeling much calmer now that my other half is back early from abroad - he's been away for the whole of this saga.

Have good days everyone.