30s TTC: Club BESHicana, drinks are free and we're hungry like the WOOFL! The MSDP continues...

[Scorpette]

Come on in, collect the Grolsch bottle tops for your DM shoes at the door

We're going all-out 80s for the continuation of the Mass Summer Diffment Project: John Hughes films playing back-to-back and on BESH FM, DJ ChoCho will be playing our all-time 80s faves, from New Romantics to Synth to Goth to Hair Metal to Pop and back again (no Fields of The Nephilim, mind). Our bartenders and waiters are Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Ralph Macchio (the Karate Kid) and Corey Haim (back from the dead especially for us) and unlike most of the real 80s, we actually get to booze!

Here's hoping the authentic 80s vibe will trick our bodies into thinking we've got the ovaries of teenagers!

(Not to mention tricking them into being super skinny and able to eat whatever we want and staying that way!)

There's plenty of Babycham and Ice Magic to pour over ice-cream in the Pit and Metal Mickey will bring them to the wretched at the click of a finger.

So whaddya waiting for? Slip on the ra-ra skirts, slap on the blue eyeliner and let's get winning those baybeez! Last one in the pool's a psycho hose beast!

Thanks Pisceswondergirl

I think what it does is remove people's inhibitions about asking. If you haven't had any some people at least think "oh they might be having trouble, I'd better not ask" whereas bloody EVERYONE thinks, just like you said, they've had one, so they must be able to do it again so why aren't they?

And ask you that question on a daily basis

I feel a bit panicky about it all today. I feel like something major MUST have gone wrong otherwise, like you say, why wouldn't we have managed it again yet?

Gah. I thought this was the bit of the month where we didn't have to menkul

Mum emailed some family history earlier for the funeral, so in my reply I snuck in a question about being 4 generations of only children (ugh, 5 if you count ministewpot), isn't that funny, blah blah, did Nan / Great Nan ever try for more? Hoping she won't put 2 and 2 together.

I'm sorry you've had a hard couple of days. Is it this stuff, or work stuff, or none of the above?

Work stuff. Everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong and we've been up all hours doing very hard physical stuff to put it right. My body is broken, but have had a couple of hours kip this afternoon when MrA* has gone off to a meeting, but I've never seen him so weary and defeated

which doesnot* include anything rude, sexy, kinky and of a remotely amorous nature. Sadly.

Quite why my conventionally intended asterisk turned random words to bold I have no idea.

Oh I'm sorry. To do with the new thing, or completely separate?

I'm so sorry; always breaks my heart to see Mr Stew looking defeated / dejected.

Third post in a row - sad cow emoticon. Can't believe I posted the above when you'd said what you had. I really am shit.

I'll say anew, I cannot believe the insensitivity of some people. I remember when you first plaguing the Palace blessing us with your presence and you had rather a humorous, yet bitter anecdote involving Tesco's Delivery Man. Don't you just want to bellow "Oh fuck off for fuck's sake!!" On the other hand, I think people being in this game are far more sensitive to people's emotions and situations, and if some of the ask-ers realised the pain they cause they'd be mortified. I'm sure there's times in the past when someone's had a baby of about two years old, and I've breezily asked "Any plans for any more?" I want to reach into the past and slap myself.

(Isn't that a trippy thought? A giant hand reaching down from the future and slapping you round the face?)

I'm sure it will happen for you Cass especially seeing as you're now having the courage to take the bull by the horns. I can't believe I'm even asking this as we are now BEST FRIENDS , but what month are you on now?

To do with the new thing and the old thing

Equally depressing when people stop asking you, the first few years after marriage its all anyone goes on about. Now we've been married 7 years I guess they know either somethings up or we decided not too.

My nana was the best a few years ago - she told me I was so sensible to decide not to have children in this day and age. Err.... what do you say to that? and this from my mum a few months ago: "well there's obviously something up or it would have happened by now." yes, thanks for that Mrs Bloody Obvious.

Have scan booked for 9 tomorrow.

Positive vibrations please.

Aaah Salad, I feel your pain. We've been married eight years this August. However I must admit for most of those eight years I've been a vague "maybe one day, not that bothered..." types. Surprisingly, our families have been very good about asking and have just let us get on with our business, assuming we don't want any. However I made the stupid mistake of telling my mum we were thinking about it a couple of months back (probably bacause she turns me back into a teenager and I want to say things that will bother her - it's a long story!). She now think she will be presented with a grandchild in 9 months time. At the time (it was May), she said, "Well when do you want to give birth? You can't have one in the summer months. You'd better get cracking haven't you, if you want one before next April. Are you sure you could cope? Are you sure you can be a good mum" etc etc. She has since asked me how the "folic acid" situation is going . I told her to never mention it again! She just turns me into a sulking, pouty, flouncy, monosyllabic 15 year old. Which I know is very immature and silly, but I believe far from uncommon.

On a much more mature and less selfish note, today is SisterAriesBaby's due date. He'll be late of course. We are always late for everything.

Crossed post there OldSalt - positive vibes and hopes and candles coming your way. Big smooches, flower.

Salad that is so utterly tactless! Family can sometimes be the worst. Although I had one friend say to me "But you have Boo, and she is so utterly gorgeous, can't you just be grateful for what you've got?". Hurtful enough in itself, but she'd just given birth to Baybee No2 AND had been through a miscarriage in between 1 and 2, so I thought she'd have been a leetle bit more sympathetic. I was just so and upset I had to leave the table (we were in a restaurant) and go to the bogs for a sneaky cry.

Cass it depends which day they did the tests. . If they did it during droid, ask for FSH and LH, and if they did Day21 as well, ask for Progesterone too. And then tell us and we will scry interpret for ya, or you can google if you'd rather not share. Or mail me? And yes, there are loads of fings you can take to help reduce mad FSH/LH. Hopefully you won't need them though.

Aries so sorry you are having such a shitty and knackering time at mo. I hope things improve soon for you.

You got em, Salty

It's month 12 of trying Aries - we started 14 months ago but had two months off early on when - - the dates didn't work brilliantly with uni.

Now of course, I'd sit in an exam with a fucking gas and air cylinder pushing if it came to it.

Shit. You must think I'm such an idiot for feeling like this when I aleady have what you all want so badly. I feel a bit like that too. Part of me thinks we should just accept our blessings and give up.

Do not think that. You are allowed to desperately want another child. No one thinks you are an idiot. There are plenty here and the other Palais rooms who have had one already. Look at how much Ginny and Polster wanted it and they are good role models. Though Polly's advice may be to have an existentialist crisis, consider starting her own business, moving to Cornwall and giving up on the whole thing. Worked for her.

her own business your own business

But seriously. I'm sitting here in tears while the most gorgeous little boy in the world plays right in FRONT OF ME.

I feel like this whole thing is making me feel miserable about my life when in reality I should be delirious. I really do love my life.

And. Part of me wonders how much is genuine sadness about not having another baby, and how much is just sadness/humiliation/panic/whatever about failing, and keeping on failing, and having no control. I'm so ashamed at even whispering that but maybe it's true. Because how can you be so upset about a person who doesn't exist yet? You know? A bit like not being entirely sure you want a baby when you try first time, I still felt like that as they were wheeling me down for the section! How CAN you feel any differently when you can't picture them?

Shit. I am officially menkul.

Salty, am sending you lots of love and healthy vibes. And Twink, hope you're holding up well today

Laydeez, I too made the mistake of entering the FESH Spa. Am still reeling about in a wide-eyed daze of abject horror, like small child forced to watch Cannibal Holocaust or similar. Abandon hope all ye who enter...

Drombat, you were a-talking 'bout IUI earlier. If it looks like AC is the only way forward for me, I'm going to try IUI a few times first (unless it turns out that I am allergic to TYF's funky spunk - because, after all, I am already allergic to everything else in the world), cos I know the IVF drucks will fuck me up big-style. I have a massive phobia of having the full-on IVF; I think it might be cos I watched a really upsetting documentary about what women go through having it when I was about 23 and it put me riiiiight off.

Do you know what I realised yesterday? Well, as mentioned before, I'm sure, my Mum is 13 yrs younger than her brother, mon Oncle. Gran was a proud BESH of nearly-41 when she delicately sneezed her out (knowing her infamous will of iron, she probably did - she wouldn't stand for any of those birth problems or pains). Aaaaaaanyway, yesterday I thought to myself, I wonder if Gran and Granddad just wanted one kid and then Mum came along after the War - my Granddad's nickname for her was 'the best mistake I ever made' - or did they try and try and try and have one hell of a shitty run of secondary infertility? I can't ask them - Gran's been dead for 20 yrs, Gramps for 12 (SOB!) - and Mum and Uncle don't know.

Why do we never ask these things, grrrrr? My Grandparents would've been open about the facts. Ho well, it doesn't really matter now, does it. Do seem to vaguely recall they planned on only one. Can't believe it never occurred to me to question the big age gap before, though!

Sorry if that was v dull, just been thinking about it a lot and the talk of people being insensitive about 'when you having another?' made me think of it.

Cass, you weren't around when I made this point next year, but I told the BESHes then that the only reply one should give to nosy parkers upsetting you about kids is: "I'm sorry, but can we change the subject? My consultant says that tactlessness is the leading cause of infertility".

Oh, and am glad you got the package

RieRie, everything crossed for Sis and Sisbaby. Does your Mum also turn your sis into a teenager? She sounds a leedle... black and white about things, shall we say (are you sure you're not TYF's secret sister?).

I think I know what you mean. Sometimes I really want to know whether I want the whole baby and child thing (and I think about the levels of love and patience required and often think I can't do it) or whether I just want to be pregnant and therefore demonstrably a fertile woman i.e. I just don't want to be left out.

Your lovely boy is gorgeous, but wanting another doesn't mean you love and appreciate him any less. You often hear people say they wonder if they have enough love in them for a second, then they have the second baby and realise it's bollocks. I also think they love you have for your already-child is separate from your desire for another child. Not making any sense - sorry.

Someone else who can find wiser words than me can join in any time they like. What does the lovely Polly think?

Aries sounds like we are in v similar situs, esp with our mums. TBH mum hasnt been putting the pressure on (i already have 2 nieces so shes already had a grandma needs filled) its more that I get the impression she thinks I'm a total idiot for leaving it so late. We did exactly the same, just ambled along thinking it would happen and then one day i woke and went, wtf how did i get to 38???

Polly hope you said something to friend at a later date? I'm sure she meant well but seriously?

Cass you are NOT menkul. Of course you can want another one, IMO i imagine its worse as you know how much you would love another one where as I suppose if i never catch I wont know what I'm missing out on. (i keep trying to tell myself that!)

BTW, if anyone wants to ramp up my menkul more (I'm looking at YOU, PolPot), then I have all the actual figures for my various test results.

scorpette seriously funny noseyparker comeback, wish i'd been armed with that a few years ago at that spate of weddings when just EVERYONE was asking me.

SO sorry for self absorbed menkul. Going to bog off for a couple of hours and have something to eat and drink, both of which I haven't done enough of today. Hopefully that will restore me to my senses.

Thank you all though for being so nice about it x

Hey, hey, this is the place for self-absorbed menkul! Not that I participate in such actions, heaven forfend

Go eat something nice

Thinking of you Salty and Twink. Please can everyone prezellate for my poor colleague who can't be seen for further scanning until TUESDAY - she has been told that there are most likely serious abnormalities; either that or it "could be fine". I don't know how she will get through the next few days

Cass, I think everyone agrees that secondary infertility is just as valid a reason for being fucking miserable as the primary variety. Did you read that lovely piece by Maggie O'Farrell when it came out a few weeks ago? BTW, is good that your doc has done thyroid etc - mine only did day 21 progesterone, I had to practically beg to get FSH/LH done, certainly no extras. So now I torment myself that I've got hyperprolactinaemia, because he wouldn't test my prolactin levels.

Salad, if you are kicking yourself about leaving it too late, then you are definitely a BESH. Have you figured it out yet? If not, I will tell you to cheer you up, because it demonstrates that you are in good company! Waht did the doc say today? And what have you got to wait 9 weeks for?

Am so amazed about Medee's miniBOC - that must be earliest antenatal scan anyone has ever had

Lyraloo nope - see told you i was thick! Just made my own up instead - Bonkers Excellently Saucy Harlots.

The docs was my first referral to the FC. Just a catch up with my GPs notes (who has been, from what i gather, unusually fab so far) need some more bloods to check i am oving on the other side as my GP took the first round. plus there is one for FSH, LH Oestrogen and Prolactin. not sure what the first two are but I;m sure you will be able to tell me? That sounds pretty comprehensive which i could take as a good sign that they are thorough or a bad sign that I am so over the hilll the need to move FAST.

Had a really lovely chat about our sex life, was quite glad DH wasnt there as not sure how he's have handled that. :D

and then 9 weeks time I'm back to see the results of all that> I know its redic of me to expect instant answers but they really didnt tell me much (just as much my fault for not asking) so now just a frustrating 2 months until then.

I have created a thread called a question of weight. If anyone has anything to contribute I'd be grateful!