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18, single & desperate for a baby?!

82 replies

PrettyCountryGirl · 26/05/2010 18:34

Hello there Mn,
I'm really hoping someone will be able to offer me some advice.. I'm an 18 yo singleton and I'm absoloutley desperate for a baby, I know I have my whole life ahead of me, but I really feel as though I'm ready to share my past and future experiences with a little one. I am aware that having a child is a huge responsibility but ever since I misscarried at 23 weeks when I was in my early teens I have had this constant empty feeling that is becoming even more unberable.

Has anybody got any advice?
Thank you in advance, x

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 27/05/2010 19:54

There's possibly also the aspect here of trying to hold on to 'W' in some way by having a baby with him -- maybe because of not being able to envision anyone else in your life in the role of partner? After all, he's been with you for a really large part of your short life so far.

MathsMadMummy · 28/05/2010 13:24

is PCG still around? hope nobody's scared you off!

I'm thinkin' a good plan would be go to college and when you've completed the course see how you feel? it's a concrete amount of time and it'd be an incentive to get your course done and do well on it.

DH and I wanted kids really early in our relationship but I decided to finish A levels first. those 2 years made a massive difference IMHO, not so much in terms of 'growing up' (I was never into the whole drinking/going out stuff) but more in finding out who I was, getting self confidence and making friends. I think I would've found PND much worse if it wasn't for that.

make sense?

sunshine2010 · 29/05/2010 17:43

I had my first at 23 at although wasnt as young as you is still young. However I waited until I had owned my place for 5 years, been married for 3 years and was settled. I dont think I would ever have a baby if I wasnt married first and settled.

skittles89 · 03/07/2010 21:59

Hi.

I'm 21 and feel exactly the same as you do about having a baby, and I have done from quite a young age.

I've never been pregnant and therefore I can never understand what it must feel like to lose a baby, and I hope that it is something I never will have to experience. Knowing how I feel about wanting to have a baby without having to have dealt with what you have makes me appreciate how much harder it must be for you.

I came onto this site because I was looking for similar advice to what you were, and after reading all the comments given by the other posters I can say that everyone has given really good advice. The only thing is when you're in a position like this it makes it very easy to think 'well it's alright for you to think that, you've already got what I want'.

You sound like you've got quite a lot sorted for yourself, house, car, money, and now what you want to complete that is a baby. Unfortunately I'm not as organised as that, I have a car and a job but not a place of my own - yet.

The thing is I could quite easily go out and get pregnant if I wanted to, or find my self in a similar situation to the one you're in with your ex and the result would be that I would be pregnant, but there is a major thing that is stopping me.

I don't want to bring a child into the world under circumstances like that. There is a whole lot more to having a child than just fulfilling our own personal desire. We might feel emotionally ready but is our 'baby' emotionally ready to handle us?

What I mean by that is, I know sexual attitudes have changed and not many people believe in the old fashioned concept of love, then marriage and then the children, but for a child that is the best way to be brought up. Even though you and your ex would love your child it should not be passed from one parent to the other because you realised that as a couple you didn't work out.

I've seen lots of relationships break up around me and the kids passed from one to the other at weekends and holidays etc and the parents discover there is something missing from their lives.

What if you have this baby and fulfil that longing but then discover later down the line that there is something else missing from your life - the love of a good man.

So really what I'm trying to say is that, I know how you feel about desperately wanting to have a baby, but give absolutely everything some serious thought.

Sometimes my obsession with having a baby gets so bad that I could quite happily jump the next guy who got on the bus! But when it comes to having a baby we have to think about what is best for them, even before they are in existence, and we have to make the most selfless choice we will probably ever have to make and wait until the time is right, when the circumstances are right, and when they are right you'll know, and when we do know, we will not need to ask the question should I have a baby?

I know most people, if not all, will read this and prolly role their eyes and think its a load of tosh, but speaking as someone in this kind of position, this is the best kind of advice I can give and I hope it helps.

skittles89 · 03/07/2010 22:15

Have you considered child minding? It's a way I have discovered that helps fulfil part of my 'want' to have a baby and I get all of the fun side of having kids but get to hand them back afterwards. In some respects it's the best of both worlds and helps give a little extra time into deciding what you want.

nappyaddict · 23/08/2010 01:11

I am 22 and I too am desperate for a baby and have been since my DS was about 18 months - he's now 4. I go through stages of being really desperate and thinking about it every day and then still really wanting one but it is pushed to the back of my mind and i don't think about it quite as often. I think I am at my most desperate at the moment, constantly watching programmes about babies and pregnancy and crying at them Blush I have my godson who I try to look after as much as possible but does anyone have any other ways of trying to deal with this? I'm not single but I have only been with my DP for a short amount of time and although he does want kids I don't think he wants them quite yet, and even if he did we've not been together long enough for us to start trying for a baby. I feel sick to my stomach every time I see my contraceptive patch cos I know I am consciously going against what I really want. I have urges to just rip it off my skin but know I can't. :(

Appletrees · 23/08/2010 01:20

Catinhat and Hurley too: am impressed by your acuity.

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