Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

[confuseddoiordonti]

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

Yikes! Like what?

Thanks HP!

Well in fairness to my mother, the baby things are left over from a slight period of bonkersness when she was in the first stages of the menopause, because she desperately wanted three children and my dad said no. It's mostly clothes.

Oh and I can't talk, I've bought my non-existant baby a baby-gro, which is hidden from DH at the back of the wardrobe!

Let's leave it shall we. It was a very difficult decision and I appreciated the support I got from the thread.

Bed now. Night.

Ha! Really? I have to admit, I've been tempted when drunk on Ebay but have never actually done it

Sorry HP, didn't mean to pry.

lol @ drunk on Ebay. Sounds like a dangerous combination!

VERY dangerous!

I once, in a fit of nostalgia, paid way over the odds for a circa 1982 orange Sindy shower when tipsy on Ebay. I can't bring myself to get rid of it, and I think it would be foolish to invest in more Sindy furniture to complement it...

I used to love sindy! before she went all barbiefied and big chested. my mum used to make dresses for my sindy's too

Yeah old Sindys were ace. My secret desire is to have a dughter (having the daughter is just an excuse to justify the fulfilment of the secret desire btw) and construct an apartment building across one wall of her bedroom, with accomodation for several Sindy families. There might also be some commercial premises at ground level.

Sounds amazing.

I can't see myself with a boy, only with a girl. DH is a toy designer so he can see himself with either

I'm off to bed. It's been a day of one extreme to the other!

Will be around tomrorrow though. Night x

What are your reasons for dithering again?!

Oh! Er... in a nutshell

1. money
2. freedom
3. work
4. lots of other things but too tired to remember

Can I write properly tomorrow? Will be more thorough and eloquent then!

It was meant to be rhetorical! See you tomorrow (except of course tomorrow I will be working on my presentation and not on MN).

Gosh you lot were active last night!

Yay for the house sale, about your friend confused

Weirdly my mother is a key factor in not wanting to have children yet. She had us late, was a proper 80s career woman, looks upon my fondness for babies and children with intense suspicion and told me wheni got married that we shouldn't rush 'things', meaning babies.

If my birth experiences are like hers....well, 3 planned CS!

Morning all,
I now realise, in the cold light of day AC, that it was indeed a rhetorical question!

Not too fuzzy headed today, which is a relief. I only had a couple in the end, despite the excitement, as I didn't want to feel like death today as a result. Now feel very pleased with my grown-up ness! (sad but true!)

DH was up at 7am working out cashflow and things for the new house and seeing what we could do and when. I was trying to sleep but couldn't switch off as was thinking about S and how he sounded last night (awful - really spaced out and grumpy.) I know the inevitable is going to happen eventually, and his prognosis wasn't that long in the first place, but I am desperately praying (although not actually religious) that he stays well for as long as possible.

He has put an incredible amount of effort into his party which is at the start of Sept (holding it here and it would be tragic (more tragic) if he couldn't enjoy it as much as possible. Argh! It's so effing cruel!

Sorry to download on here about it but it really helps.

Going to distract myself with looking at house stuff...

FancyALittle and other fans of feline'sthis is for you (needs sound)

just caught up with the weekend chat.

confused congrats on the offer - and sorry to hear about your friend S.

Amanda I know exactly what you mean about wanting to fast forward to the interesting bits... but then thinking "what if this is the best bit and I'm wishing it away"?

I do feel very much as if I'm killing time until baby making time at the moment (feeling quite Green at the moment having seen lovely baby of friend at the weekend... she was gorgeous). On the other hand I had a lovely relaxed weekend of lying in the sun drinking wine and that would undoubtedly go up the spout post DCs.

My mother's attitude is more like frakkits I think. She's not a huge fan of babies or small children in general (though loves her own) and is definitely not itching to have grandkids (or indeed offering to do any babysitting).

Question for everyone: to what extent is your dithering affected by how much you are enjoying your job? I feel that I get keener on having babies (and the resulting maternity leave...) whenever I am having a particularly shite time at work. But then I worry that I'm only wanting the baby so as to avoid work...?

Hi,

Been a bit of a weird weekend, bereavement in DHs family (not immediate family) so quite sad.

Also, I had my doctors appointment today (this feels a bit odd going into this as many of you barely 'know' me, and I you) but for the old-ditherers...

She did an examination to check me out and said all looked healthy from the outside, however, she is referring me to the gynae unit at our local hospital to undergo some further testing, as she thinks the cause might be hormonal. I think the fact that it is follicular rather than luteal was enough to get her interested. I'm very pleased that she has passed me on to the experts, as it were, but am a bit nervous as to what it all might mean. That, in combination with my dermatology appointment coming up has put me a bit...on edge.

As I suspected, it is a little bit easier to put off TTC when you think all is well, but as soon as there is a question mark, however small, the picture shifts a fraction.

C - I'm sorry about the news regarding Ss treatment, there seem to be highs and lows during all of this, if you know what I mean. I hope the next batch continues to blast the cells and give you all as much time as possible with him, especially for him to enjoy his amazing party.

Im off to update my spotting thread as there were a couple of others who replied to me. Hope everyone is ok and enjoyed the brilliant sunshine.

Hello all,

Goodness it was busy on here last week. To briefly at my two penn'orth to the earlier debates / questions. C I think birth becomes less of a scare factor once you know you've got to do it. I'm not suddenly brave or anything, just resigned to the ineveitble. Baby cant stay in here indefinately after all. However, I may not be quite so chilled about it in another 20 weeks time!

Can't remember who mentioned about being greener when you have a crap day at work, but I can confirm that that was the case for me. I am in a bit of a career cul de sac at the moment and that was partly deliberate as I wanted to be at a suitable pausing point in my career. I am actively looking forward to the mat leave now (spent an hour yesterday morning working out how long I can afford to take off work) cos work is not the most interesting (and its an NHS IT job - we are likely to be reorganised in the next 12 - 18 months).

Re not wanting to be a mum cos you are worried you'll be crap at it (and hello to Havingamaybe - welcome to the ditherers lounge) I think the more aware you are of your possible limitations, the more you will work to minimise them, ergo the better parent you will be. And parenting is a two person job (or ideally should be).

C great news about the house. Excellent timing coming just after your Friday night moan. . Fingers crossed that it all goes through ok and you can be heading North and getting busy with house doctoring before long. Sorry to hear about S. There is often another combination of treatment that can be tried once one stops working. I really hope that they can find something to keep him stable and as well as he can be so that he can enjoy the party in September. The venus looks fab.

HP glad to hear that the Dr was so good and that youve been sent straight on to the experts.

LST good to hear from you. When do you get your first scan? I can't wait to find out if you have actually got two of them cooking away in there!

Welcome to all the new comers. Who'd have thought we'd uncover so many ditherers with a new thread? I shall do my best to give an honest account of what happens once you've taken the plunge.

I'm a bit concerned that we might have lost some of our old regulars in the move. Any update from LQ, Seagreen or Suerock?

Right, best get on with some work now, as I am supposed to be working from home.

With regard to YorkshireTeaDrinker's mention of birth and getting the baby out - one thing I think all my internet lurking research and reading on birth has been useful for is completely demystifying childbirth (well, as demystified as one can be when one has not actually given birth).

I feel like I have come a long way in getting my head around Giving Birth. My fear equation used to be:

60% birth/40% bringing up a child, with traces of loss of freedom.

Birth and bringing up a child are probably the other way round now. Progress? I like to think so

BTW - 'Fear Equation' - I just invented that. I mean I have thought about in my own head, just never put it out there before.

Grr - stupid strikethrough didn't work.

Sounds like progress HavingAMaybe! . I think you just move on in your worries. Birth still concerns me slightly, but it's only a day or two of unpleasentness (plus possible after effects / reconstruction work) but my major worry is being a lifeong parent. I think I pretty much have my head around the consequences of having a small baby / toddler and am braced for it (although I expect it will be harder than I expect) but I am worried about how I'll cope when they get older. I can't imagine myself as the mother of a stroppy teenager for instance. But I suppose the advantage of having your own is that you develop with them and they don't know any different, so won't be judging your parenting ability!