Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

[confuseddoiordonti]

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

Woo hoo!!

Thank you!

Change of plan; we're not going out now but instead are going to have a lovely dinner and some wine (as we are still skint after all!)

I am SO pleased!

Anyone around tonight? I will be so will also keep popping in to see.

I can now look back on the previous few posts before I left work (it was on another screen before.)

It is only the house selling situation that has made me feel as if things are on 'pause' recently, otherwise I haven't felt like that I think I am pleased to say. One of the things that does worry me about having a child is if it could make things seem even more mundane and inflexible. My life isn't that at the moment, not especially anyway, but the idea of school runs, child friendly holidays and so on may make it so.

Then again, and I know I have said this before (and those who aren't this way inclined may think I'm bonkers) but getting the dog has injected a lot of routine etc into our lives but I love the dog so much that I relish doing the things I do with her. Is it like this with a child...?

ps Minipie I was SURE you were going to say you were in Bristol!! I was in London, Brixton in fact, pre Bristol

Yes I'm about! Sorry about the very short response to the sale of the house post. DH and his mates were just leaving for their night out, so I had to be quick. So have you exchanged contracts? Is this definitely it?

Interesting what you say about the dog, we find looking after my parents' dog a real bind - then again we're really not set up to do it, we have to go and stay at their house and move all our stuff over there - and DH has to commute back to our flat every day to work so it's just a pain in the backside.

The thing with the baby option is just what you say - what if it's just drudgery, drudgery, drudgery forever? It could well be. Friends say not, but does everyone lie to themselves?

No, no contracts but the price has been agreed and the man buying needs to move asap as some first time buyers have bought his place in London (so no chain, which would have been a worry if I'd allowed myself to think about it.)

The dog / baby thing - my dog, as she is a collie, is hard work. No getting away with short walks and not much stimulation in this house! However, doing things for her, such as massive walks or agility, which she LOVES makes it so worthwhile! I love seeing her enjoy something so much and get so much out of it that, even if it's throwing it down or whatever, it doesn't matter.

Does that make sense?

Maybe it was the logistics which made looking after your parents dog such a bind..?

I think so. Also it really didn't fit in with our lives when we were first together and we were wanting to rush off to club nights and festivals all the time. Now we like to drink coffee in front of the telly and stroll about on the moor for fun, instead of glamming up and disappearing into the night!

The main thing is that it doesn't fit in with our jobs, as we both work long hours - particularly me, and when you've left the dog all day, even if you had a dog walker or something, you can't then do anything at night that doesn't involve heaping affection on the dog!

How long have you had yours?

Fuck.

Real rollercoaster of a day.

S's (for newbies S is an extremley good friend who was diagnosed with terminal cancer in December) chemo has stopped working. There may be another combination to be tried, but there may be not. Fingers crossed there is! His prognosis will still be 12ish months but hopefully it won't be cut short.

We will have had our dog three years in December.

Oh Jesus Confused, that's terrible. Have you just found that out?

Sorry for late reply - laptop has frozen due to, apparently, scanning, but managed to be on now.

Yes. just found out as spoke to him.

Think I need distractions from the inevitable and also from feeling gloomy. DEH came back with a bottle of Prosecco and I have put a gloom on it.

Will post this so you know I've not vanished and then post again.

How was he? God this must be awful for you, C, and it's a tricky situation for you with your DH as well.

Just been reading the birth trauma site while you were vanished. Why why why would you post that thing?!

Sorry

I had to speed read a comforting website about Doulas to stop me hyperventilating.

Out of interest, what was pill gate?

Pill gate was when HP ended up taking the pill when she was planning not to

Lol that is much less dramatic than I had imagined!

I love the idea of a doula - so many who do hire one rave about it. Not sure if I would hire one though, am torn between that and a friend / mum / similar. What are your thoughts...?

I'm not sure. It would be hard to find someone I really got on with and trusted, to go through something like childbirth. When you think how difficult it is to find a hairdresser you can get along with!

But then, I really believe in the value of having an objective and level headed advocate present, because you often hear that it's difficult to express what you want or to make independent decisions during labour, so I might get one for that reason alone. If I ever have a baby that is!

I share your views. That's why I think wouldn't it be similar with a friend or even my mum (in two minds with that one) rather than someone I was paying. However, the person I am paying is also, allegedly, an 'expert' so who knows.

I would imagine it's better if it's not somebody who would be distracted by their concern about you. Re mums - you said what I was thinking. Mine could be brilliant, or she could be worse than useless and drive me mad! I might end up yelling at her to get out, and then afterwards we'd have fallen out and it would be terrible!

What's your mum like? Do you think she'd behave herself and do a good job?

Not sure. We get on realy well but also have the ability to easily wind each other up.

Think she's be great but if she did get on my nerves I am not sure about telling her to leave... She also had three easy births herself, stitch free, and seems to think the majority are and programmes like One Born Every Minute twist things

My mum's exactly the same, she reckons her two births were an absolute breeze, she was so relaxed and calm the doctors thought she was (a) not in labour and (b) asleep. It took six and three hours from start to finish.

I suspect there is a subtext to these stories, that being: "I want a grandchild immediately and I don't care what lies I have to tell to get it"!

I am not sure if mine wants a grandchild or not. I know she'd like one but that's different to wanting one!

Apparently you can have a similar birthing experience to your mother (unless you are a type 1 diabetic like me...)

Er, sorry it wasn't dramatic enough for you. I wasn't going to take my pill. And then I did. There was yelling.

Anyway. Was watching Ashes to Ashes.

Popped in to say 'yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy' for the selling of the house!! Just one day after the worry, it's all moving - fantastic.

Laters.

My mum always listens levelly to my tales of having no money and wanting to walk out of my job - and then says, as though it is somehow relevant to what I have been saying, "you shouldn't wait, you should have a baby now".

She has a lot of baby stuff ready and waiting.

Hello HP! Yelling? Who did the yelling?!