Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

[confuseddoiordonti]

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

I think YTD has found the new thread and is on her way....

They can't all by lying, but some of the threads on here do make you wonder!

And, psst, Minipie check this out

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Don't open it...

Those, poor, poor women, its just heartbreaking.

Heavily pregant women remind me of Alien - when the baby moves and you can see it, euw! However, conversely, it sometimes makes me feel a bit envious too.

Hurrah for YTD - where are you?!

This thread's grown quickly! I think I'm in much the same situation as frakkit!

Doing a dithering deed next week: getting substitute babies (in the form of kittens).

Kittens - HOW WONDERFUL!

Now that does pull my heart strings...

Oooh shiney new thread and shiney new members.
I love the fact that we are now on thread three and plenty of us (stand up HP and Confused) are no nearer a decision. There is a sort of greatness to the indecision here!

Welcome frankit, minipie and arsesandoldlace, it sounds like you are each bringing a different variation to the dithering theme.

minipie you seem to be stuck in the classic, do I or don't I dithering dilema. Some of us started at that point before the raging hormones pushed us into TTC. Others are still in the dithering loop and may be there for a long time to come! . I think you have definately found your MumsNet niche here.

frankit, dithering whilst TTC (or NPP - Not Preventing Pregnancy - if you prefer) is also a common phenonomon. Recently taken to dizzy heights by our very own LST who managed to dither whilst going through IVF (which has been successful - hoorah! I am still giddy about this LST, it may take a while for my excitement to subside). I think its perfectly normal and reasonable. Dithering is bascially moving up and down the scale on the babyometer. You start NPP in response to being predominently greenish, but it stands to reason that you will have red days when you wonder what the hell you are getting yourself into (that continues post BFP as well).

arsesandoldlace, ditherering about whether to do it again is a new one here, but whilst we may not know much about that particular dilema, it won't stop us chipping in and trying to help you arrive at a decision (or not).

Ooh, I nearly missed FoghornLeghorn. Four is definately out of my realm of experience. I'm possibly one of the greenest girls on this thread, but even I go slightly clammy at the thought of four!

Just so you know what stage of dither I'm at, I joined this thread when NPP last year and hold the proud distinction of being the first ditherer BFP!

As an aside, it might be pertinent to note that I started the last thread and then got a BFP - is there a corrolation between thread start up and conception?

And whilst I was compling that mamouth post, just noticed the thread has sped on.

Fancy, you've pushed Confused's buttons there with the mention of kittens. Kittens are probably better than babies really. Litter trays are less hassle than nappies, kittens grow up fairly quickly and as adults can be left to the care of neighbours over the weekend and all kittens are cute, whereas sometimes you have to pretend with babies.

Ah yes, YTD, but babies don't run up your trousers and curtains?!

As for starting threads and then getting BFP - I started the first one remember?

YTD NPP - I like that very much!
Confused - Hmmm, better put my wedding dress away in the wardrobe! I expect these cuties will have teeny little needle claws.

People at work have laughed that I may as well have a baby, seeing as I've got married and gone straight to dependents.

Someoneat work is recently pregnant. I don't know how to feel about it, is it wrong that I want to ignore all the cooing and discussion? Why do you have to get pregnant to be the centre of attention? Humph.

Going for wine. Been one of those days. Back in a bit! (can't type much, DH here)

I think babies can destroy more than your curtains!

The fist thread was before you'd abandoned the pill (or was it, can't remember that far back) and started the industrial strength folic acid. You're in a much more vulnerable position now!!

I have exciting news that I must share - our new kitchen is due to be completed tomorrow (well, apart from painting, tiling, flooring, blinds and associated accessories). I am very excited about the prospect of having a dishwasher and a functioning washing machine.

Also thought I'd mention the results of my bonus 15 week scan on Monday. The little bean was completely undamaged by the bump on Friday, but s/he is pretty big. 13.2cm from crown to rump. Apparently 8-10cm is normal at 15 weeks. Am slightly concerned that I'm going to have a big baby. This may interfere with my plan to have it slip out after a couple of sneezes.

Doesn't sound good, confused

I'm having a red day I think, which made me open this thread in the first place. How am I going to fit a baby into my life?!

I think Confused gave up on the pill years ago, and has been relying on, ahem, methods involving a certain level of masculine control. Tis I who was on the pill (untill I was bullied encouraged to stop, post Pill-Gate). Now we are bagged. TMI? Nahhh. I actually resisted starting the new thread in case threadstarter=BFP!! I'm going to miss the old one, you speculating about BFPs and then getting one!

Speaking of which, I'm going to start a spotting thread. Please, I beg you, if in a few hours it is unanswered, don fake moustaches and leave a post!!

Great news about healthy miniYTD! I'm sure the margin of error in those size measurements must be considerable . And brill news about the kitchen! It's all coming together....

Right HP I am watching your spotting thread and will leap in with something helpful and informative in a couple of hours.

In the interim I'm off to torment myself with big baby birth storoes on the birth trauma website...

YTD "all kittens are cute, whereas sometimes you have to pretend with babies"

thank god someone said it... I met a genuinely ugly baby the other day. I'm hoping sure he'll grow up much better looking.

confused I am NOT going to read any of those Alien style birth stories. I am NOT.
To be honest though I don't need to since all my friends who've had babies have had awful births (two were in serious danger). I try not to think about that.

YTD I know I'm new here but how can you be a ditherer whilst also 15 weeks PG? Please don't tell me you're STILL undecided... I had always assumed by the time I was actually pg I would be fully decided and serene about the whole thing. Argh.

Can I join in with the ditherations?

I am ashamed to admit that I find myself almost constantly twiddling the when-to-ttc question around my head, I am driving myself bonkers. Have discussed it all at length with DP and we've agreed we need to wait a bit because now's not the right time...but then when on earth is it going to be the right time?

And whilst it's currently me pushing the issue up the agenda I'm pretty sure if he turned round and went yup, let's do it now, I'd run for the hills.

It's blimmin complicated innit?

I can't believe we were down to a handful of non-pregnant posters at the end of the last thread, and now there are hundreds (sort of) rushing to join us.

Yes, it is darned complicated.

It's not looking good for my spotting thread. Maybe I am a freak after all

minipie I'm probably the least dithery of all the ditherers here, but even post BFP I have had occasional flashes of amber (and one red). However, on the whole I am thrilled and excited and pretty serene about things that used to really worry me (like giving birth - now I know I'm actually going to have to do it, I'm not that worried anymore. I'm sure I'll manage - my body is getting on with the business of growing a baby without my active intervention, I'm sure it will know how to get one out).

I think mmy point is that the things that were barriers to TTC when you are in your dithering prime don't actually go away, they just diminish somewhat.

HP just doing a lit search for ovulation and METRORRHAGIA (MESH term for spotting) and just getting loads of articles about cows and horses. Don't think I can don my beard and trenchcoat and wander over to your spotting thread to share that! Will have one final rummage, then I'll have to go to bed, this is turning into a bit of a late night for me.

Right - give me the link to the spotting thread...

If even the sporters of BFP's get red flashes what hope do the rest of us have? No wonder none of us can make a frigging decision!

Just watched, recommended by my mum, Outnumbered. It was actually quite funny (and unfortunately the last episode) and also made me have flashes of green due to the freaky kids. Ooo er!

YTD is the prospect of giving birth less scary when you will be doing it rather than just speculating about it...?

Advice I would give you ladies is that there is no right time, however when you do decide the time is right for you don't expect it will happen for you straight away.... I dithered(!) for a good couple of years, got married decided time was right..... got pregnent 1st month, miscarried and now been ttc for 2 years!! x x x

Sorry to hear that ilovetoshop.

I'm obviously at the beginning of this little journey of discovery but I am aware that whilst it could happen really quickly, it could also possibly take some time. It's taking DP a while to grasp this though - he seems to think you abandon the contraception, bishbashbosh, and lo and behold nine months later... voila it's babytime.

I can totally understand his reticence to get going right now, he's worked really really hard building his career and it's just starting to really take off and the next year (or two...or three) will be crucial time...but there's never going to be a convenient window, is there?!
I'm curious to know how do other people deal with this conflicting timetables business..? Or does it just get to the point where ttc is the top priority in both your lives??

Wow C and HP what did you do? Where did you get all these apprentice ditherers? I hope you haven't been human trafficking again?

I still don't really feel like this is my thread because I am absolutely definitely not a ditherer (I have checked the definition and everything) but welcome anyway . Here's to another 999 posts, either lots of BFPs or none - whatever we decide, to the gestating ditherer babies (hope it's not hereditary!)

On my way to work on the late train because I couldn't get my act together this morning. Am consequently sharing the carriage with an assortment of people who clearly don't have anything important to do today - envy, envy. I don't mean mums I hasten to add in case the mob is listening, it's an assortment of, presumably, students, pensioners doing crosswords and people who work in jobs where you can wear sandals and have pink hair and rock up at half nine every day. Not looking forward to the prospect of ten hours at my desk. :0(

Quodlibet how would having a baby interfere with your DP's career? I can't imagine that DH's life would adjust at all much if we had one. Not that you'd think so from his outright horror at the idea. DH wants to remain childless and own a series of expensive sports cars .

Hello all,

I WANT WINE (viz a post of confused's above). Not right now, obviously, as it's 8.49am, but am missing it.

Wow, hello everyone. I'm one of those BFP people who is still dithering away post-BFP.

Good to hear from you, YTD! Very glad things are ok, particularly post (car) bump. Big (bean) is good, right? Does it really make that much difference to the birth? My sister and I were tiny and my mum had a fairly awful time (so that's alright then...?!). Good news on the kitchen! [moving swiftly on...]

[Clicked on the birth trauma link. And then ran away sharpish. It's an awful awful secret, but one of the few ways that twins seem palatable to me is that one might justify a CS without feeling too guilty...]

Right, will disappear after that terrible admission. Back soon. [Waves to all.]

Sounds reasonable to me, LST!