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Conception

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Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

626 replies

confuseddoiordonti · 20/05/2010 08:58

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

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minipie · 25/05/2010 11:25

"Fear Equation" - I like it.

I think my own personal fear equation is something like:

childbirth 10%
no sleep and nappies 10%
never being able to be totally selfish independent ever again 80%

Definitely feeling rather more Amber today. I am knackered and haven't even got a child!

HavingAMaybe - I love your name.

lizardqueenie · 25/05/2010 21:32

Hey all

Thought if I didnt quickly stick my head in the door now and say Hi then i wouldnt get around to it for ages and I prob wont get to catch up with everyones news.

Welcome to all of the newbies- this is a lovely friendly thread so make yourselves comfy.

confused sorry to hear the latest news with S, really hope he is as well as possible for the party. Glad to hear the house news!

Absolutely shagged today (not in the literal sense but just so so tired. Had midwife appointment this morning and she had a cool looking device (i am sure it has an official name) but got to listen to the baby's heart beat which was very cool.

I now have a "Baby on Board" badge to wear on the tube, the journey on the Northern line is awful. Most people have taken note and been lovely enough to offer me their seat. Tonight I was so tired and hot I just had to ask someone. And then wished that the badge said "I'm pregnant, not just a porker, move out of my effing way". sorry, tired as well as grumpy.

To the lady that asked about work having a influence on the decision to ttc -yep, for me it had a impact too, was pretty unhappy had discussed ttc and then decided to put it off until I had changed jobs, then the one time we weren't ahem "careful"...well you can guess the rest. Which does throw the whole dithering thing into a spin, as then as soon as I found out I was pregnant the other worries were still there but they faded a little.

Right off to catch some zzz's sorry ive not caught up with everyone.

LQ x

Quodlibet · 26/05/2010 15:23

Ooh lists of fear equations and dithering reasons! I love a good list. I wrote my own but it's really long and I'm ashamed to admit to some of the bits of my fear equation!

Congrats on your house sale C and again sorry to hear about your friend.

My mother had to reprimanded a couple of years ago for stockpiling toys for the (imaginary) grandchildren - my sister and I were both single at the time! I swear she almost got to the point of knitting things for them.

Though I will admit that I have got my eye on one of those baby sling things which was left in the cupboard downstairs by a previous tenant....no harm in rehoming that, it might come in handy one day.... I think the only thing that's stopped me is that DP might find it in our flat and think I've gone hormonally bananas.

confuseddoiordonti · 26/05/2010 22:32

Hi all,
Sorry I have not been able to post - have been knee deep in Fimo and work. I am now exhausted!

Good luck with your appts HP and thank you to everyone for your kind words about S (and letting me steam on about everything on here!) I appreciate it massively.

Sorry, but am making this a very short one as too tired to make much sense and need my bed!

Till later, night!

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NewMrsCharles · 27/05/2010 21:33

I love this thread!!

I love to see people similar to us. We have made leaps and bounds this week on the to do or not to do debate: Both decided that we want to but DH would like to move house first: I would also like to but dont see it as the be all and end all as really dont see a problem with moving when either pregnant or with baby (am I mad?)

So this leaves us with the appointment to have my coil removed and to start taking the pill until we make our mind up with the option of accidents do happen and sometimes I might not take it so wierd!

Read someone elses point earlier on (sorry cant remember the name) and my DH said to the nurse that he would like a baby next year so I had to smile when the lovely nurse replied "are you aware pregnancy lasts for 9 months?"

In the debate of is there ever a rite time having only one thing holding us back does that mean now is the time?

FancyALittle · 27/05/2010 21:54

NewMrsCharles I don't see a problem with moving when pregnant or with a baby either. It's likely we will be doing it at some point. But then, I'm super blasé about moving house. We had to in March this year. When I say we, I mean I! With FIVE WEEKS until our wedding, I single-handedly moved us. Not only moved us, but sourced an entire flat's worth of furniture as we had none. And the reason I did it alone was because my DH had JUST been diagnosed with cancer and was recovering from surgery. Moving will never look difficult to me again! :-D

Re: the coil/pill. I had an implant and mentioned to the doctor when I was getting it out that I could always go on the pill if I changed my mind. She categorically told me that it would 'put my ovaries into hibernation'. Maybe something to think about?

p.s. ditherers - I have the kittens!

NewMrsCharles · 28/05/2010 18:38

Oh yes, thats something to consider!

Wonder why she didnt say thay to me? I will ask on my next appointment.

Im good with moving house as done it way to many times and moved my ill dad back from Crete so I think if I can do it then I can do it anytime!

Suerock · 28/05/2010 18:40

Evening girls,

Thought it was a about time I came and said hello - suddenly realise that after 132 messages I'm actually a newbie on this thread though I posted on and off on the previous ones! So, hi to everyone, new and old, pregnant and still dithering.

Not much news from me. Contemplating whether being pregnant/spawning a mini-Suerock could actually be positively beneficial right now..... Impossible as this may sound.

LST - wasn't around to congratulate you on your fab news! Completely thrilled for you Hope everything is still going well.

confused - great news about the house, sorry to hear the less great news about S but I hope the new chemo works out. Never ever underestimate the amazing power of the human mind to keep a body well though - his party may be just the thing he needs to look forward to, to keep him feeling well and determined to be there and have a great time.

Better get on the road right now so can't stop to write more.

Suerock · 28/05/2010 18:41

even. Though disappearing into the dusk is more poetic....

HoneyPetal · 28/05/2010 21:42

Hurrah, it's Suerock! A green Suerock, by the sound of it....fill us in when you get back from the dusk

Are you out there, sleepy Confuddled? Hope you aren't working too hard.

We haven't heard from LST for a while, hope all is well. It can't be too long until the scan, IIRC?

I'm having a shitty month, hormone wise. Started spotting 11dpo, then began having horrible waves of nausea. The smell of someones sweat at the gym made me heave, it was mortifying. But I may have begun CD1 today so that might help, but it's three days early which is a shame. Bloody hormones.

Looking forward to the long weekend, although some new kittens might cheer me up even more!

confuseddoiordonti · 28/05/2010 22:36

Hello all,

But gloomy today as the man who put the offer in last Friday has pulled out. He wants to wait until his girlfriend has moved to Bristol in 'a few months time' apparently. Am now shitting myself about the house in Hebden - there may be only so long they can hold it for so I am hoping against hope that noone else is interested. Fed up!

While I am on a gloomy roll, S starts new chemo on Wednesday and is to have it every Wednesday for the indefinate future. I hope against hope that it doesn't have too many nasty side effects (the other stuff didn't).

Right - moan over.

Lovely to hear from you Suerock and what is this greenness you are hinting at?! Do spill the beans if you can!

HP sorry to hear you are feeling ropey. I am not going to scroll back and see if you have already said as the computer keeps being slow so will ask now, when's your appt? And I take it your appt with the dermatologist is due soon too...? Good luck with both and I hope the bottom of the hormone probs is got to soon.

I too am wondering about LST - if you pop in, I hope all's well and your DH is thawing out a bit (he may change when the scan happens though if he hasn't yet.)

Long weekend will be lovely. Have a wedding tomorrow (hence the figurines) and then plan to have a nice long dog walk and picnic.

Will post this now in case anyone's loitering... I'll lurk for a while!

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confuseddoiordonti · 28/05/2010 22:44

Oh yes, forgot to add, we have a viewing tomorrow at 11am (just as we were planning to get sorted to leave for the wedding) which is a half hour appt and is a woman who was interested before but then couldn;t come for a second viewing as the house was (haha) off the market. It sounds promising and it has also cushioned the blow from the tosser other bloke who pulled out.

And onto the subject I'm meant to be on (but seem to hardly ever actually be on!) today I am amber. Red is too strong but I am pretty ambivalent about it all, hence amber is probably the best colour to describe me today. Been spending time with a friend's baby who is lovely, really lovely, but she hasn't made me think 'I want one' - but she has made me think it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Maybe I should change my nickname to Wishywashy!

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confuseddoiordonti · 28/05/2010 23:32

Quote from S's blog.

"I have been more than blessed with the friendship, care and love that is poured on me. I really don't know how everyone puts up with me. I may not live quite as long as I was expecting, but whenever I do, I shall die happy."

Well, you can't say fairer than that then, can you? (Unless you can't pronounce your f's and th's)

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YorkshireTeaDrinker · 29/05/2010 09:06

Morning all,

I'm up with the lark today, waiting for my tiler to arrive and finish off the kitchen floor.

LQ lovely to hear from you. How thrilling to hear the baby's heartbeat. I had my 16 week (well, actually it was 17 weeks) appointment on Wednesay and had a listen as well. It was fab - made me feel fleetingly pregnant, rather than just fat and sick, which is what I feel most of the time. You have my sympathies over your communte. I was down in London on Thursday for a meeting and had a brief tube journey - it was grim - I certainly wouldn't want to be doing it on a daily basis!

Suerock when you come back from the dusk, you must tell us more about this greenness. As LQ and I can attest, there is nothing like being in a career hiatus for making a baby seem like a more attractive option.

Welcome NewMrsCharles, you sound fairly greenish at the moment. I was tickled by what the nurse said to your DH. If your DH wants a baby next year, then you probably do need to get cracking. As the nurse says, they take 9 months to develop and, unless you get lucky, it can take a while to get pregnant. I was very pleased that we starting NPP (Not Preventing Pregnancy) when I was still quite ambivilent about the whole thing, cos it took us 16 months to conceive, but I was only really bothered about it for the last 6 months or so.

Confused rotten news about your house sale. Hopefully the viewing this morning will be followed by a swift offer. It's particularly hopeful if its a second viewing. The quote from S's blog mad me well up a little. It's easy for me to say, from a position of health and wellness, but the richness of life is not measured in years. I feel quite strongly that it is important to have a good end to life (as well as a good beginning and a middle of course!) and S is definately getting that. One of the few advantages of a terminal illness that I can see is that it gives everyone else a chance to let the person who is ill know how much they love them. And as Suerock says, the human body is capableof amazing things. Having the September party to aim for could be just the impetuts his body needs to stay well for as long as possible.

HP sorry to hear you're having hormonal havoc. It sounds like you are exhibiting pregnancy symptoms at certain points in your cycle, which sounds to be like your body is being a bit unrestrained about the volume of hormones it releases pre-ovulation. Hopefully the medics will be able to get to teh bottom of it all for you.

And hopefully FancyaLittle's kittens will provide suitable cheer. Have you got a picture FancyaLittle?

Right, the tiler is here now. Time for me to go and get on with the rest of the day. Have a good weekend everyone.

Suerock · 30/05/2010 19:25

Hope the viewing went well confused. This whole house-selling-being-in-a-chain rubbish sucks doesn't it? We probably have that happy task to look forward to soon too.

HP - probably not much consolation, but my cycle always took a while to get back to its pre-Pill erratic 30-35 days after coming off it. The first couple of cycles were smack on 28 days, and I had some random bits of spotting here and there too. Anyway, hope your various appointments go well, then you have no excuse not to get on with TTC!

I wouldn't say I was exactly green at the moment, but it looks like an option for the future would be to move to somewhere child-friendly (being slightly unspecific here as nothing is definite), and since I'd be paying for state-subsidised childcare through eye-wateringly high tax I may as well make use of it

Hope everyone is having a nice Bank holiday weekend, whatever you're doing!

HoneyPetal · 30/05/2010 20:47

Evening all. I am sat looking out at rain pouring down - it must be a bank holiday weekend!

Thanks for the advice/support regards my rampaging hormones. Its been weird and unpleasant. Horrible nausea, super-sense of smell, painful right boob - all the while having a crashing temp drop and then having a totally normal (but early) period. This may sound weird, but from doing a bit of reading, I think the doc may have suspected I was pregnant during my exam earlier this week, from something odd she said to me post-exam, and then looking up 'cervix position in early pregnancy' - however, I suspect what she saw is normal for me!! Those who fully chart will know what I mean (not that I fully chart, but I have, er, had a go)....

Anyway, enough me me me!

Lovely to have YTD and Suerock back. Does the arrival of the tiler signify the completion of the kitchen, YTD. How exciting, things have really moved on for you since Christmas . And although I cant believe you are already 17 weeks, how lovely to hear the baby's heartbeat. A few weeks and you will be half way through!

Suerock - high tax?? I really hope the position you allude to comes off for you, after all the recent job stress. Maybe a big change will help with a more green position?

S's blog entry was really inspiring and brave, wasn't it? Its difficult to find the right words, so . I hope you enjoyed the wedding, and that the second viewing went well. I'm really at the stupid first guy for putting an offer in that he didn't really mean. Selfish muppet, I cant imagine doing something like that.

Hi to all the newbies, hope everyone is having a fun weekend.

On the subject of name changing, I was considering changing mine following some threads on chat about people being recognised from RL, but then I felt a bit sad about not being HoneyPetal anymore. Is that stupid? Its just two random words I chose when faced with picking a nickname back when all this began, but it feels like the other me, IYKWIM. Maybe I will change to SparklePants......

LeviStubbsTears · 31/05/2010 11:36

Hi all

Sorry to disappear - away in Italy (I know, despicable) and finding internet access here well nigh impossible. V. briefly as we've got v. limited time in our parking spot but all fine, scan on the 8th (still feels like ages away) so still don't know what's going on within... Feeling sporadically dodgy, and boobs comically massive, so hoping/assuming all still well.

Will catch up properly with all your news when I get back towards the end of the week - hope all well (sorry, DH glaring at me and looking at watch pointedly so can't even read through your posts). And hello, new recruits.

LST x

confuseddoiordonti · 31/05/2010 21:32

Hi all, the wedding was good, thanks. I was also uncharacteristically restrained and sensible and didn't get drunk. Well done Confused, eh! The wedding was an Indian themed one (neither of the couple were Indian) so there were lots of sari's etc. The reception was in their huge garden and they had done an amazing job with doing it up - massive milirary tent was put up and full of sari's, cushions on the floor and low tables and lots and LOTS of fake flowers and real lanterns. It looked great. Interestingly the bride was very nonchalant about the whole getting married thing, making out that they planned to have it Indian style off the cuff and just waited to see how it turned out. However, her ex boyfriend (which is how I know her, the ex boyfriend is a former lodger of me and S) told my DH on Friday that he was suprised she had gone for an Indian style wedding as that's exactly what she wanted to do if they had got hitched (and then he described what, it turns out, exactly what she has 'winged' and 'not thought about' right down to the tent, lanterns and doing it all up with sari's.) Hmmm.

Thank you YTD for the latest wise words about S. I really hope this next type of chemo can do the trick with not too many nasty side effects.

I SO hope we get a call tomorrow of another offer. No word as yet, but I guess it's early days (ie she didn't offer immediately after seeing the house) but it did sound promising. We also have another viewing tomorrow at 3.15. I am trying desperately hard not to think about the house in Hebden being sold while we're still messing about here - I would be utterly devastaed as there is nothing else like it for the same cash. Anyway, lets keep positive!

HP SP your hormone problem(s) sound awful. You poor thing! I am so glad you came off the pill when you did as it might have been masking it for ages. Am going to google cervix in early pregnancy now to see what you're on about.

Ooh, and now for somenthing more relevant to this thread - DH IS VERY BROODY! We have seen quite a bit of a friends with a lovely 7 month old baby and she has sent him a bit doolally! There was also a baby at the wedding who had a real belly laugh (DH said the parents reacted as if it was the first time the baby had done it too but I am not sure) who I was making laugh pretending my hands were spiders. He said seeing me with the baby (both babies) has made him think that 'perhaps it would be a good idea when we move and are more sorted.' Yikes! I am still not too sure, but I did really enjoy playing with them and it does feel very natural. Hmmm, I say again!

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HoneyPetal · 01/06/2010 14:18

Work post - must be brief.

Had appointment, have to have a slightly suspicious freckle removed under local anesthetic, not major cause for concern but he wants to be careful. Feel ok, bit relieved to be honest that it wasn't an urgent matter. They will test the 'removed bit' for any pathology and if I need any further treatment that would happen at the hospital.

Just the gynae one to go now!

Better go. Did notice 'DH' and 'broody' from Confused - cripes! I often wonder what I would do if DH suddenly decided that he was broody. Would this make you greener, C?

confuseddoiordonti · 01/06/2010 15:11

Sounds as if they are being cautious, HP which is good. I have had similar looked at before now but they've always been a bit dismissive and said it's no big deal unless it is sore, misshapen or bleeding.

Good luck re the gynae appt!

No word about the viewing from Saturday yet. Trying not to worry (am not a natural worrier either) but it's not easy.

Would it make me greener if DH was green? I think so but he tends to sway from one extreme to the other like me too so may be dead against the idea by tomorrow morning!

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NewMrsCharles · 01/06/2010 18:17

Like the DH being broody, our mutual friends have just announced they are having a baby and the first thing he said when we went around was 'show me the scan' followed by lots of woos and ahhs and I think thats his arms ect!

I didnt get a look in for ages! Im a very green green today and going out with pregnant and other trying friend tonight so I will be emerald by the time I come back later.

Hope all is going well with the house sales: Im dreading it and we have only just had ours valued so not even on the market yet.

confuseddoiordonti · 01/06/2010 19:27

It's a frigging nightmare this house business. The people who came on Saturday liked the house but are 'not sure if we can live with the garden' which is admittedly quite small (but not that small!) So, they are coming tomorrow if it's sunny to have another look. However, they don't even have their flat on the market yet, although the agent says they'd be able to sell it pretty quickly, so even if they do offer I am not keen to take ours off the market.

Feeling very grumpy about the whole thing.

Grumble grumble...

NewMrsCharles I think being around pregant people brings out the green in me too, but being around toddlers often does the opposite.

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HoneyPetal · 01/06/2010 21:25

I don't know how it ever works out, it seems just too complicated a process, with everyone trying to buy and sell in the right order. I hope these people do put an offer in, if the estate agent is right and they can sell their flat quickly (although in the current climate it's difficult to see how he can be 100% sure). No wonder moving house is ranked really high in 'life stresses'.....

The reason for the op is the irregularity of it, the doc didn't like that, hence the decision to remove it.

I can't imagine a broody DH. Even a mind-changing one. It's taken a year for me to believe DH that he wouldn't hate the idea, after all our problems getting to this point. A few friends of mine have broody DHs, and some had pressure put on them to have a baby. I wouldn't like that, but a happy medium would be nice.

I'm not sure how I feel at the moment. A bit tired of thinking about it, and worried about what is going on with my innards. Once again, thank you all for helping me decide to come off the pill, I'd hate to be finding all this out while TTC. Even if I never TTC, I'd rather know what's happening than not!

confuseddoiordonti · 01/06/2010 21:55

I hope it works out soon, in a good way. Sick of it all, I really am.

I have an irregular whatsit too but the option of removal wasn't even hinted at (was instead given the impression they thought I was a bit neurotic.)

What, with the crap nurse and so on, I feel as if my docs is a bit rubbish. Talking of the crap nurse, she keeps referring me for things I neither want or need such as dietitian appts so I can learn how to inject as much insulin as I need for the carbohydrate I am eating (I have been doing exactly this since 1996 and have no problems.) Subsequently, she has written 'negative response' on my notes.
She also repeatedly refers me for eye screening at the hospital, even though I have been screened at a specialist clinic (and wear contacts so have regular tests too.) I think it makes their stats look good if they have patients with excellent control etc who have been on various courses via them. In fact, this woman is SO crap she's not worth bothering with AT ALL.

Got myself all pissed off about that now too.

What a grump I am today...

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HoneyPetal · 01/06/2010 22:12

Go to www.kittenwar.com, then winingest kittens. That will cheer you up!

That nurse sounds like a pain in the arse. Top tip - if you close your eyes and put your fingers in your ears while she is talking to you, she will Go Away. Tis true.