Ditherers Anonymous - Is there ever a right time?

[confuseddoiordonti]

A continuation from the previous two threads we have filled going round in circles about whether to have a baby, or whether never to have a baby... All insights and new recruits welcome!

(and those of you now with BFP's - don't you go sloping off leaving us for more decisive types!)

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants.

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

Actively made a decision, going from not TTC to TTC, while on the thread? Erm...one? Two?

Here's to all the Ditherers, especially the pregnant ones , the ones who forced persuaded me to come off the pill, and especially here's to you, C

Well thats something to be proud of ladies!!

Thanks for all your nice thoughts, im hapily home now with DH and feeling like I can take on the world once again.

Still no AF or BFP so off to visit my friendly local nurse tomorrow so I will let you know what she says x

Sorry to hear your news cowboylover, but glad you are in the company of your DH and feeling chirpier. FWIW the only time I've ever done a pregnancy test was on what must have been an anovulatory cycle a year or two back (because there ought to have been no way I could be pregnant). And it was just a one-off, probably stress-induced, and everything went straight back to normal afterwards.

On a more frivolous note, can I come and get drunk too?

hic!

shit, I'm pissed again! actually, that's not true but my dh is off to get a bottle of wine.

have been reading up on fertility and age (36 in sept) and it's starting to concern me. can i ask, what is the average age most of your friends have had their children? mine is 35-40 (late starters, us lot) but, looking at various info (not daily mail - please take note!) that could be cutting it rather fine.

so, discussion for the evening - does your experience of RL and fertility (ie peers having them) reflect the apparent dramatic drops in fertility that occurs post 35...?

Cowboylover forgot to say, glad you're feeling a bit more chipper. Am intriugued to what may have happened. (Also had never heard of an anovulatory cycle before till now...)

I would have come in on an age/fertility discussion, but I was watching Victorian Pharmacy!!

All my friends have had kids between 28 and 35, so far. I have one friend who is on her second at 36, and one who is as unsure as we are at 33. There are a few women at work who have had them between 35 and late 30s. It is more common in this part of the world to leave it till later.

The late30s and TTC in early 40s threads have helped me get a feeling for what it's like at those stages, in a larger sample size than just a few friends. In fact, a lovely lady called PonyMum who was pregnant with her second at 40-ish told me that the physical demands of pregnancy and birth are so much harder at that age, and she wishes she had done it earlier.

DH is making sleepy noises, better go. x

For me the average amoung my circle of friends is 19 to 24 for the first and the second varies in those who have got them.
I know that is a really young average and most have said if planned it would not have happened that way, I know they wont hate me for sayig it but us 2 that have not both are the ones who have goe for career first.

Quick way to make a girl feel old tho!

Hmmm.

Food for thought indeed, but am currently too knackered to chew it! (Or post sensibly, it seems.)

One last thing, am reading The Sisterhood by Emily Barr. Only a third through but recommend we all purchase it (from 1p plus postage!) to celebrate our anniversary. This will make sense when you start reading it!

Well the nurse agreed, with all the stress ect it just didnt happena and thats quite normal and only to be concerned if it happens for more than one month.

But with all the talking about it I am not officially not a ditherer as me and DH have decided to go for it and try make a baby! All very scary exciting

So I suppose im a graduate of the thread but can I stay? I like it

Not many ditherers actually left! I too am officially not a ditherer, using no contraception and drifting off at work thinking of knitted booties. Cowboylover, hope you're feeling more positive now, I can imagine the disappointment. Confused, I'm 36 (I think I said I was 37 a few posts back, how worryingly easy to forget basic facts about oneself!), and am a bit worried about my fertility too, especially as I am slightly overweight, quite unfit, and drink too much (had no wine last night for the first time in weeks, I shall probably start sweating and shaking shortly). Most of my friends had children between early 20's/late 30's, though 2 women at work had theirs in their early 40's, but I don't know them well enough to ask how they are/whether their kids are flourishing. On an unrelated-ish note, I have not yet had a 2nd period since having the implant removed, had one that seemed normal and expected the next last week, but nothing. What to do? If I took a test, I would be a maximum of 4 weeks pregnant so would I get a positive result? More likely, my neglected body has decided to pack up for a bit; so no period, no ovulation, no little bundle! Advice gratefully accepted huns x ps I am hanging around aswell, it's nice here

Bit of an update ladies, got a positive result on a Sainsbury's own brand testing kit! Am in a bit of shock. DH not sure whether to trust an own brand as we don't buy own brand beans so why have we just changed our entire future with a cut price kit? I think he's in denial. I've brought in the 2nd test to take at lunchtime (and will not drink too much water) and then I guess most grown-ups ring the doctor?? I'm a bit concerned for 2 reasons, a) the drinking too much I keep mentioning. Poor unborn will be wheezing for survival in there, and b) I have no symptoms at all, whatsover. No achy breasts, sore womb, going off wine, bursting into tears, lustrous hair, nothing. Perhaps it's one of those ectopic pregnancies (the testing kit helpfully said if it wasn't a standard pregnancy it might be that or lung cancer), must research. It's going to be a strange day!

Oh wow Sparkly!! That sounds good I think x

My best mate discovered she was expecting on my very drunken hen weekend after drinking and poledancing before downing half a hug of vodka then starting to be sick and not stopping for what seamed like 3 days! Both Mother and baby are fine

Bloody hell! I wander off for a few days and look what happens!

Sparkly - wow!

I can't write more as eyes are closing but will post properly tomorrow.

Sweet dreams all! x

Congratulations, Sparklywine, how exciting. I'm pretty sure not everyone has lots of symptoms at that early stage, in fact, I think our own lovely LST was symptom-less before her BFP. As for ectopic pregnancies, if you are concerned, look up the signs as it's always worth knowing what to watch out for, they are incredibley serious and I nearly lost a close friend to one, but the chances of having one are very very small. I'm sure you will be throwing up with the best of them before too long.

Got my dildoCam appointment through - typically, it's for when I am out of the country, so I will have to change it. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, but (assuming they don't find anything horrible) it will be interesting to see my inards. Good job I'm not allergic to latex, as well.....

Anyone heard from YTD? I miss her. Maybe she is spending all her spare time in her shiny new kitchen.

Nope, not heard from YTD. Maybe you're right and she is busy playing with her new kitchen...

I know several symptom-less people too, so it must be quite common. I am almost tempted to speculate that some symptoms are psychological at first anyway (ie when you think you probably are you might start feeling 'weird) but then again I might also be talking out of my arse.

Sparkly have you seen your GP yet?

another dithering thread for those of us who are not pregnant...

Blimey, a year. Hurray!! Am drinking elderflower pop and pretending it's champagne like the saddo I am. Actually it sort of feels like more than that - in a very good way, of course. Some of you feel like very old friends (also in a good way) at this stage!

Congratulations, Sparkly, if that's not premature - I could tell you many tales of people drinking masses until they find out, and I'm sure you know of many instances too, so don't worry too much about that if it does turn out to be a real BFP! Either way, sounds like you and cowboy have joined the likes of me and fallen off the dithering wagon!

On the age/fertility thing - most of my friends had babies in their mid-30s, and while one couple took a very long time, they have a lovely son now with the help of Clomid but nothing else (and both times they used Clomid she got pregnant, though sadly had a mc the first time). The only couple that I know for sure can't have kids (sadly) were in their very late thirties when they got together, and I think didn't start trying till early 40s. (I know they're sad about it, but also that they have a great life!)

V. glad to hear about the dildocam appt, hp! Good luck with that. I have to say I've had my fair share of such things in the last year and have never found them difficult in themselves so hope you have the same experience. And yes, come back to us YTD! Things must be getting pretty exciting by now...

Now then, once upon a time many moons ago, there were some decor discussions on this thread and some very expert sounding views expressed. I was wondering if I could enlist your collective wisdom (although it's a bit off-topic...) - I'm trying to decide what colour to paint a bedroom (yes, ok, it's actually the nursery, though trying to resist that word!). Slightly oddly/foolishly, we already have curtains in there which we like, so we now have to fit the wall colour with these (the carpet will stay a kind of neutral/cream colour I think). These are the curtains we have:

www.kingdominteriors.co.uk/catalogue/BusbyBusby/fabrics/HIRONDELLE/28205

the Sand colour, if it doesn't come up as that automatically. So a wall colour to go with Sand? Preferably not off-white, though that would be fine too - actually what KIND of off-white can be the hardest choice of all so advice on that also welcome if you think that's the way to go. I was assuming some sort of sandy coloured pastel (yellow? ochre?) but don't want it to be too matching. But am finding it a tricky colour to match with. This may not be possible without the actual fabric in your hands, but any guidance at all would help us pick the tester pots to start splashing on the walls. (As you'll have gathered there's to be no concession decor-wise to the fact that this will be a child's room - not for a few years, anyway!).

Any thoughts welcome - quite understand if you can't be bothered with such a prosaic (and irrelevant to the thread) question though!

LSTx

LST you are totally decorating the nursery...yes, the NURSERY!! Im soooo excited!!!

The curtain fabric seems to be a mid-to-dark-sandy colour with a lighter cream for the pattern. One option might be to try to match the pattern cream colour, which would keep things light and neutral and still match up in a subtle way. You could take a swatch and get an exact match from one of those Dulux (?) match services. Its quite an earthy coloured fabric, so perhaps have a look towards natural colours found in nature like these. I think a very bright white would be too cold and clashing. Im tempted to say try a very specific pale green, but it would have to be exactly the right shade not to be gross. Would this be horrible - nice or rank? or this

The dildocam is holding no fear for me at the moment. Although, saying that, will I be in stirrups? Hmmm. I dont like the thought of those, TBH. Still, not much I can do about it, and I want to know whats happening so its grimace and bear it time!

Forgot to say, enjoyed reading the 'other' dithering thread - maybe someone should extend the formal invitation to her, to come on over to these parts?

Wow, you're brilliant, hp - thanks so much!! I am going to try to get a swatch from the suppliers and do exactly as you suggest - didn't even know such services existed. Even without that there's some great ideas to be going on with - 'Barley white' on the first link seems v. suitable (I was looking at a darker but comparable colour on another website called Barley). Wouldn't have thought of green (but I have no imagination that way!) - appeals in itself so will definitely try that too. I can't quite see how it would work but it is quite a particular colour and green-based shades definitely better than pink ones, I think. Hmm.

Anyway, sorry to divert the thread - only momentarily, I promise, but I remembered the expertise on here!

Well it looks like little Sparkly Junior is due in April, should all go well! I took the 2nd own-brand test later that afternoon and got another really strong positive, then went out and bought a couple of digital tests, at further great expense, to confirm exactly what I knew already. BFP! Have been in shock since, don't think I will believe it until a heartbeat is audible, and then I shall probably break down i have spent the weekend inventing non-alcoholic cocktails, can't believe you can't get a decent non-alcoholic red wine, not even in M&S, for shame. Confused, funny you should say about sort of inventing symptoms, I keep convincing myself I'm feeling queasy, or bloated, and have been haunting threads all weekend looking for reassurance as bled slightly last week, and had period-type pains. All pretty normal it seems. Still no symptoms, bit tired but am quite a sloth anyway. I rang the GP who referred me round the houses to the midwife, who said I was 5 and a half weeks (they take conception from the first day of your last period? I find this weird.....) and I've my first appointment on 15th September - which seems a long time to wait, but apparently they don't throw resources at the newly pregnant because so much can go wrong in the first few weeks. Am trying not to fret in the meantime! Thanks for all your best wishes everyone, I shall probably leave the thread now as I am no longer "relevant", can't quite believe that at 36 years of age I get pregnant in the first month , so there is hope for everyone!

Woohoo, proper congrats, Sparkly! I've hung around like a bad smell for months now so don't feel you have to leave...

Thanks Levi, I'll probably still pop in, you're all lovely. Love the fabric by the way, and the fact that you're not going with a Toy Story theme or similar, with you all the way there. I can't fault Farrow and Ball, it's quality stuff, one coat only needed, and the white shades are so muted and tranquil. Dimity looks like clotted cream, really soft, and House White has a warm hint of yellow which would also match your fabric and look classy but cosy. I'm a way off thinking about the (sshhh) nursery, cannot sacrifice my shabby chic dressing room so looks like poor DH loses the computer room and is relegated to the shed

Congratulations Sparkly, that's good news (although I'm still laughing at your DH not believing an own brand test, they are all exactly the same thing just in different packaging!). Quick work! April is a nice time of year, and a summer of maternity leave can't be too bad either

I'm having a rare green day. They are few and far between at the moment, but photos of a friends little girls birthday party wrenched at my gut a bit. Ahh, it will blow over, not to worry.

Had a bad day regards my extreme spotting, so in light of that I've asked DH to come with me to the dildocam appointment. Not in the room, but with me before and after. Just nervous about what may be revealed, after all.