30s TTC - Our BESH GussetWatch Ever, With Guest Star Joe Mangel!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, you raddled old caaaaahs, whotchoo waitin' for?

I've gone for a groovy 60s psychedelic theme, so get your fat upper arms comfy in the hanging globe chairs and hide your mememe shame in the glow of the lava lamps!

Russell Howard is our new bartender, although I don't think he's happy at the flares 'n' kipper tie outfit I've forced him to wear. And of course, Mitchell is in the pit, nervously awaiting his first guest.

Let's make this one diffalicious!

How did Evan Harris lose? How? WTF is wri g with the world?

Meant to say wrong, obv. Overcome with fuckwittery.

I cast my vote, went home, watched 'Enders & went to bed early for too-early-in-my-cycle-to-be-SWI FUN sex.

Had no idea about election bollox until the news this morning.

TBH, pre-coffee it still didn't really sink in.

I'm confuzzled re my own little poly-ticks world. Our address is one thing, yet out voting cards were for another area?? WTF?

Tis all a mess.

As is my hair after night of pash

Urgh argh bleeeurh....

Election coverage on telly,a day of interviewing ahead and a motherfucker of a hangover playing trampoline on my poor broken brain.

extreme you is a danger. And I very much expect you are still asleep. Whereas I have had the small crazy one putting 'airoplane' shoes in my bed since 6.30am.

Just had to go downstairs to find my bra and trousers...

All signs that a good night was had by gin

Poor haggle. Here, have this sugary tea and bacon sandwich.

Am feeling like poo today; have nasty streaming cold. Think am allergic to Tory hung parliament.

FUCKING HELL! My constituency has fallen to the Tories!

As did the Land of My Fathers, High Peak (as did Derbyshire South). Hang your heads in shame, Derbyshire!

Cammie, am totally that Evan Harris lost. I guess people just don't want a sensible, caring, highly intelligent and sensible MP.

I also spoke too soon about the droid - was up all night with bad cramps and still feel shitty

Mr gin has just jogged smugly (can you jog smugly?it appears so) past me on his way to work,where he will spend the day laughing at me while I attempt to interview six people.starting at 10 am.

Amusingly I have not yet read a single cv and still about half an hour away from work.

In other news, cameron is a cunt.

Never mind gin - your terrifying hangover face and morning breath should sort the wheat from the chaff; no need to read CVs!

Ditto the Cameron comment.

PS if we move to Briz*, can I have a job? I is creative and shit, innit?

*No plans, I just fancy it!

Bloody idiot British electorate. "I can't possibly vote libdem. I never have before."

Middle Englanders are the fucking scourge of this nation. Need to get a personality, brain and heart, each dull, grey, shallow, useless one of 'em!

I am gutted about Evan Harris, but delighted about Caroline Lucas. Everything else is just crappy.

Also, I have received an invite to s-i-l's baby shower. MrM assures me I don't have to go, as it is all the way Oop North. I already have The Guilt though.

WHAT IN FUCK HAPPENED TO THE LIB DEMS?!

Lord am knackered, having stayed up to a magnificent 1.30am. What?! I'm not as young as I was, awlright?

Our constituency yet to declare; but it's a safe Labour seat. In other news, the OM went to vote shortly before nine, and came home saying they were queueing round the corner and he thought there would be trouble come 10pm. Sho nuff, cue sit-ins and civil unrest. Hoopla! South Hackney on the map of democracy at last!

I went to a luffly election party featuring Thatcher bog-roll and sundry other lefty delights. Plus, the host made themed food, voz., beef stew (well HUNG beef in Dianne ABBOT ale, Geddit?) with spring GREENS (phnar). And tortilla chips featuring COALITION SALSA (red kidney beans, yellow sweetcorn, green herbs). And a cheeboard (BLUE cheese, arf arf). Oh and I made a SWINGOMETER CAKE because I'm amazing .

Oxycontin (I'm going to keep saying that until someone finds it funny) I am v. sorry and re. droid. You owe it to yourself and your fanjo to bathe in melted Green & Black's.

Cass, your fanjo is just taking the piss now. Consider it to have been warned.

Hurrah for needlelady Score! Truly she walks in beauty like the night etc. etc.

I shall now spend the day making myself feel less tired by picturing Gin attempting to be all Busy and Important interviewing minions with a grim hangover

voz viz

Fuck.as I feared there appears to be something very wrong with my teeth. Am in screaming agony and my face is swelling up. I think it's an abscess. Woop woop yeah.

3 more people to interview then tis off to emergency dentist. Can today get any better???

On the plus side,my hangover has been rendered irrelevant.

Election truly was shambles. Twould have been better just to put all the names in a hat and draw methinks.

Head my fanjo is metaphorically putting two fingers up at you. And me. I have no control over that thing anymore. Day 35, no droid, no baybee. BFN this morning. 3 - ooh, a hat trick! Hackerney, eh? Tis the centre of the political universe, or at least twas when half the world seemed to be queuing through it last night. I also managed about half 1 before giving up...

Hope the morning has brought you less pain Scorpie Muser what date is it? I will happily invite you to my ficticious wedding on the very same day if that would help.

Gin is your hub jogging past your office or do you work from home? Or perhaps from a park bench? Am v confused. Hope the hangover's abating. Bacon butty, I say.

Oh Gin, maybe skip the bread and go straight to morphine? Hope you get it sorted today.

Gin that sounds nasty, hope the dentist can get it sorted.

We stayed up till 4 by which point it was clear that everything round here is getting redder, although Scotland's not managed to return to being a Tory-free zone. Can't believe how different the swings are in different places.

Hope you're OK gin.

Well, just to update I've been to Boots & bought zinc for the boyf, Conceive Plus lube for & tampons. All bases covered, non?

Going to friend's for dinner tonight. He's italian & owns a couple of restaurants, so always well fed. And well watered! I'll be having ear / chest / throat / water infection. ARSE!

Tis massive sea of blue round here Ocky

Am strangely and unexpectedly glued to the fallout on BBC1. Am also taking mind off Droidgate by clearing out all my cupboards, in some sort of ironic nesting instinct - couldn't keep on eating everything in sight so decided to be a bit more positive today!

FAME AT LAST!!!!

My bloody cake only made it onto the bloody BBC website! (And I even get to keep my anonymity 'cos the party's hostess is named )

That is fabulous HeadsinToes. Love it.

Good article in The Guardian today by Maggie O'Farrell about secondary infertility. www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/may/07/secondary-infertility-increasing

Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha

no seat for George Galloway.

hahahahahahahahahahaha