30s TTC - Our BESH GussetWatch Ever, With Guest Star Joe Mangel!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, you raddled old caaaaahs, whotchoo waitin' for?

I've gone for a groovy 60s psychedelic theme, so get your fat upper arms comfy in the hanging globe chairs and hide your mememe shame in the glow of the lava lamps!

Russell Howard is our new bartender, although I don't think he's happy at the flares 'n' kipper tie outfit I've forced him to wear. And of course, Mitchell is in the pit, nervously awaiting his first guest.

Let's make this one diffalicious!

Holy fuck.
I mean, holy fuck.

Also - Someone who knows more about me than the meeja can correct me, but I think it highly unlikely DD has jack-all to do with the mag other than commanding a fee for use of his name...I imagine it's some greasy little shit on the mag's staff. (Not that that's material to the point!).

Surely if you let someone use your name like that you'd want to know what they were printing before they printed it. Wouldn't you?

So either he's an idiot for writing it or an idiot for not checking what's been written in his name.

whoever write it

wrote it

Wossat Oxycontin? Spanking, you say?

Yup, smug twat probably took the money, agreed they could write what they like and now has to put his name to the apology too.

Let's see if any words come out of his own mouth now!

according to....ummm... the sun's website so possibly a pile of arse, DD is actually saying he was completely misquoted, and is upset/angry etc. Now I'm not sure how exactly he could've been misquoted without them sort of, erm, making it all up, but it interests me that this is not the line coming from zoo...they are sending his apologies for him it seems.

Reply I got below -

"Thank you for your email regarding this week's issue.

Firstly, let me unreservedly apologise for the inappropriate and
indefensible response to a letter which appeared. I am very sorry for any
offence it has caused.

Danny Dyer, and everyone else that works on Zoo condemn any violence against
women, and by way of a sincere apology we are making a donation to Women's
Aid.

An internal enquiry is underway to find out how this extremely regrettable
production error occurred and I will be tightening up any procedures
necessary to ensure it cannot happen again.

We have already posted an apology on our website and will also be printing a
fuller apology in next week's issue.

Regards

Tom Etherington"

he's the editor...

I didn't manage to complain without swearing. Am such a fucking fishwife.

I want to see your complaint ginster!

it was rubbish mate, and actually having reread it have discovered i only said 'shite' and 'hell'... which is barely swearing really.

apols crap typing... one handed.

OBSCENITY FAIL!

Hm. I am hungry yet queasy. What shall I have for my tea, I wonder...

g & t?

Danny Dyer is a fackin' caaaahnt, innit? He also has a wife and 2 daughters, I believe, which makes his misogyny even more depressing. I imagine he was made that vile comment as a joke to the journo ghostwriting his column and didn't think it'd ever get written... forgetting that Zoo is such a sexist pile of shit that that sort of comment no doubt sounds reasonable to them. Will be complaining after this

DemonHEADMaster, here is my Topshop makeup update: 1 fab creamy gold eyeshadow stick, 1 shimmery blue liner (to wear ironically!), 1 funky trio of navy, bronze and gold shadow and a coral lip balm. RESULT!

Oh Christ, pur-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease don't let the Tories win tomorrow. I actually think things could be worse than under Thatcher, which was so horrible it ruined my childhood. Am so worried.

Soz for politics chat, am just rilly preoccupied about it all.

that's shocking!

Our babies, when we win them, might be Cameron's children. Noooo!

that sounds like D-Cam is meant to be impregnanting us all, what I meant was it will be like "Thatcher's Children".

I stir fried some elderly leeks and courgettes, and had 'em with pasta and feta and herbs from the balcony large walled kithcen garden. Don't tell me you weren't wondering.

Scorps, RESULT! I need some creamy gold eyeshadow in my life . And coral, dahling, so now.

Re. Polly Ticks. I truly don't think we're in for an out-and-out Tory win. I dunno whether that's just my optimism speaking...

Meanwhile I am off to ice my swingometer cake for tomorrow's party

Am actually vomiting at the thought of DC impregnating me.

Remember Thatcher's Britain? E.g. our school: leaking roof, dodgy heating, no reading books, strikes, literally no after school clubs or school camps because teachers were working to rule, just about remember milk being SNATCHED in Middle Infants/Year 1.

Nearly losing the family home because of 15% interest rates. Or was that Major? Still...not a nice prospect. I've got a sinking feeling of inevitability though that we will have a Tory government on Friday, albeit propped up by the LibDems.

Well one consolation of the Tories getting in is that Michael Gove gave ME his personal asssurance that IVF funding would be extended under the tories...on this very website...coz hee knows a man whats wife won IVF baybeez, so now we should all have them.

If he reneges on that promise, I am allowed to steal one of his kids...I think that's how it works anyway, but if not, I will be asking for Judge Scorpette to hear my case!

Hungry yet queasy eh Bangers? Hmmmmmmmm.

How's the brown string situation by the way?

Sorry to cluster post, but something very exciting just happened. I have received an email from Cleggy himself. Yes! Telling me how he'll use my vote. If anyone tells me they have received the same email I shall stick my fingers in my ears and sing.

Don't, Aries. Simply DON'T! Too early for this cycle anyways. And I had a period last cycle. Mind you it was a bit lighte.... NO!!

No brown string yet. It tends to turn up CD17. Got my appointment for dildocam (crikey but this bit of the NHS is fucking fast) but I shall be in a business meeting at the time, and whilst I have dark suspicions that some members may have entertained brief fantasies of me in just such a situation, I thought best to re-arrange...

How you feeling 'bout MIL?

"MIL"? Mother in law?

Nope, scrap the IL. Just the M (visiting).

Sorry, am being a thicko!

Well as long as she brings some decent food and cooks a lot, I suppose she can stay a few days.

I'm prepared to delay the POAS, but am apprehensive about droid turning up during her visit. However tomorrow is Day 32. Last month was 32 but sure I didn't ov. the month before I definitely did and it was 29 days. Here's what I do have: late droid, weird sicky-hungriness, mucho tiredness, a small amount of creamy gunk. Here's what I don't have: implantation bleed, sore boobs, fiery nips (tee hee), veiny boobs, cramps and everything else there is. There's a real boob theme there isn't there, which puzzles me as I usually have the hurtiest norks in the world in the week before. Have been taking starflower oil though. Maybe it's made a difference.

Looking at list, the againsts are more than the fors by a long chalk.

Hmmmm...I believe received PESH wisdom is that they didn't have many symptoms during earliest diffage. Veiny bangers are loads later shorely?

And implantations bleeds can fuck off as well. No indicator at all. No: I remain defiantly optimistic, so there.